Should I tell my DD that her school trousers don't suit her?

105 replies

Kimmee · 12/09/2022 16:45

Hi all,

First of all, let me say that this is my first post here and I've tried to word it as tactfully as possible!

Anyway, my eldest DD recently started secondary school and me and her picked out her new uniform together. Her school (thankfully) has a pretty lax uniform policy and considers a variety of styles acceptable, not needing to go to any particular supplier etc. I tried a supplier which I won't name because this is no reflection on them and so it's not fair on them, but I've heard good things about them being reasonably priced yet high quality at the same time.

My DD insisted we look through things together and we settled on a couple of pleated skirts and some senior girls trousers. She was drawn to one style in particular which had a higher waist (which I know is very 'in' right now with girls) and had an internal adjuster which I thought would be good since she has trouble getting things to fit her. To clarify, she's definitely on the chubbier side, but not in a way that's really a cause for worry in my opinion.

Now, it all arrived the next week and I watched her put it on. The skirts fit her fine and looked very smart and flattering on her figure, but not so much with the trousers! I should mention that my DD is also one of the shorter girls for her age at around 4 and a half foot and the trousers came up too high! She was actually wearing the trousers over her waist at the same height she had the skirts which didn't look right at all and frankly surprised me that she found comfortable.

I told her that I thought the trousers were supposed to be worn lower and that they didn't look right, but she insists that she likes them that way and it's fine. While I do admire her confidence in wearing what she wants, I'm also worried that she's oblivious to what might happen at school. I can't help but think that others would make fun of her for it, because she does wear them very high over her tummy (which looks like it's all been awkwardly stuffed in and might pop out of them at any moment!).

As you can imagine, this is especially the case when she sits down, which gives a very unflattering appearance such as the trousers sitting just under her chest or letting you see the outline of her tummy. She does also wear jeans which tend to be quite high waisted, but she can wear tops over them of different materials / styles / colours...Unlike her uniform which always needs her shirt to be tucked in!

My DD is VERY bright, but she's also very sensitive and can suddenly throw a wobbly when she gets upset which I know would affect her excellent work. The question is, how do I talk to her honestly about it and go about stopping the obvious and letting other people's inevitable comments about her trousers get her down? I hope I'm not being harsh here.
Let me guys know what you think!

-Kimmee

OP posts:

puttinoutfirewithactimel · 16/04/2023 11:06

Crumblierthanfeta · 12/09/2022 16:55

I actually disagree with pp’s. As a parent you can and should protect your dc when practicable. Sending a child like a lamb to the slaughter is quite frankly cruel. Not all styles, outfits will suit everyone or all body shapes. Gently guiding your dc to find things that suit them is the way forward. The only time it would be appropriate to remain silent would be if that particular style was mandatory and nothing could be done. I was mocked horrendously for an outfit I wore to a school event, I really wish someone had told me.

This.

user1477391263 · 16/04/2023 14:26

I would tactfully approach the subject. Perhaps look for some YouTube fashion/style videos that talk about how trousers are supposed to fit.

I get that it’s fashionable on MN to let your child “embrace themselves” or whatever, but personally I’d want to shield her from being mocked and making a poor start with new peers.

violetskypurple · 16/04/2023 14:31

user1477391263 · 16/04/2023 14:26

I would tactfully approach the subject. Perhaps look for some YouTube fashion/style videos that talk about how trousers are supposed to fit.

I get that it’s fashionable on MN to let your child “embrace themselves” or whatever, but personally I’d want to shield her from being mocked and making a poor start with new peers.

This is from September 2022

DisquietintheRanks · 17/04/2023 07:52

NoYouSirName · 14/09/2022 10:34

But then you haven’t protected her from the cruel comment, you have MADE the cruel comment. And it’s come from someone she loves and trusts, which is worse.

My mum did this to me. Kids still said things. It would have been so much easier to cope with without having it from my mum too.

Show quote history

This. Shattering their self confidence so others won't seems an odd parenting choice.

Stettafire · 26/04/2023 14:24

Personally I wouldn't say anything for two reasons:
1-Young girls are very sensitive about their appearence. They might not take it as a "you need different trousers" and might instead take it as "I'm not good enough for these trousers I like". I'd advise agianst comments relating to fashion/appearence, it's a dangerous road.
2- It's school uniform, and in school as it students are heavily restricted in what they can and can't wear. Significantly more so then they'd ever be in the world of work. Being able to learn at their own pace what clothes do and don't work for them in a quasi-workplace using the limited freedoms schools offer is healthy and should be encouraged. It'll help them develop a sense of style that'll support them into adulthood

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