Grandparents funding private school for one child only

[Chasingstatus]

Looking for opinions on an odd one!


DH and I send our children to private school. We can afford it ok - but that’s because he works very hard in a highly stressful job that requires sacrifice from us all, and him most of all ( cancelled holidays, missed school events etc)


DH’s sister and her partner upped and moved to an area where they knew nobody mainly because it had good state schools, and they couldn’t afford private.


Now, DH’s other brother has announced that as there “ no good state schools” where he lives and “they don’t want to move”, their parents have offered to put his two boys through private senior school. Not our children nor his sister’s, just his. For context, he changed careers recently to allow him to spend more time with his children and is a low earner so would not be able to afford the fees himself


Thoughts?! AIBU to think this a tad unfair and is going to cause resentment?

I think that's fair enough and I would do the same in their situation

You can afford it though so why would they pay for your family. I think it's a kind thing for them to do. Your partner could choose a less stressful job in order to spend more time with the family like his brother but he has chosen to stay in his job and make sacrifices in order to afford nice things. I don't think you should be resentful that they have funded your nephews when they don't have as much money as you. They are just doing something nice so their other grandkids can also go to a good school. Just be content you don't have to rely on others to pay for things for you. It's not a competition who can get what

Equal opportunities is not about treating everyone/giving everyone the same, it is about giving people what they need in order to be on a level playing field. If the other kids in the (wider) family are already in private schools the parents clearly have a way of paying so the grandparents are helping the ones who aren’t to have the same opportunity.

I am not saying it wouldn’t be nice to have some of the burden lifted or that it is unreasonable for your DH to feel miffed about perceived favouritism but presuming the grandparents couldn’t or wouldn’t pay the fees for all the grandchildren, the bottom line is that the children whose parents are paying fees would continue to attend private schools, the ones getting help wouldn’t.