Anyone here is super involved with their dc school work/revision?

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By super involved I mean, making sure they do their homework, actually sit down with them and make sure they are doing it right. Also revise everyday with them, making sure they are doing extra work and revising etc, organizing all their revision materials. Almost as if you are their teacher/tutor?
I do all of this, I guess the reason why I do it is to make sure dc achieves the best results possible and I know dc wouldn't do revision properly if I wasn't super involved. I do believe dc would still get great results but not as good as the results achieved with my help. At school dc picks up everything easily and participates and does very well, so perhaps I should just trust dc more and back off a bit? I just can't do it for some reason.
Wonder if anyone is/was in this situation?

The bottom line, I think, is that's everyone 's different. While some are able to self-direct and manage their time well when it comes to studying (and life!), others will require that bit more guidance and support to achieve their best.

I agree with pp that the wisest thing to do is to set up good study, research and revision habits with your child. Teach them how to study, if you like, rather than doing it for them.

This might take a lot longer with some students than with others though, and those with SEN may require ongoing support into adulthood.

Crossposted Jng1, but looks like we agree

Absolutely, I was all over it in Y7, mainly because the school didn't provide guidance in how to revise, and the homework was often peer assessed as opposed to marked by the teacher. I checked pretty much every piece, went through all the grammar and vocab in foreign languages, and did all the revision with my son. He did brilliantly in the end of year 7 exams and it really motivated him in a way that would never have happened without my intervention. I then gradually pulled back through Y8, especially leaving him to be fully independent in the subjects that I don't think matter (ie the ones he won't be doing for GCSE). Now that he knows how to revise and has seen the value of doing it properly, he is much more motivated to do it himself. I absolutely believe that strong involvement in Y7/8 really pays dividends, as long as you also calculate your retreat to allow independence.

I would say one of the advantages of getting involved is to help them decide what standard of work they want to submit. I think most 11 year old boys would rattle off the minimum possible, given half a chance, but I think (and hope) that working with my sons has given them a pride in their work and the understanding that sometimes really working hard at something can be rewarding. We also did a fair bit of the "how can we do this most quickly and efficiently" too though .

Never, mine were self starters so maybe I was lucky. My parents never helped me either.

I was left to it as a child, I can never remember my parents even asking me if I had done my homework. Being left to it meant I became a self motivated adult. My dyslexic brother had more support especially at A level stage but that was because at that point there was hardly any support for dyslexics at that stage of education - he is very bright but needed organisational help.
My worry would be that you will never really know what you child is capable of if you don't let them manage their own life and work. If the point of education is to produce balanced, happy, independent adults, then I think finding out what their realistic ambitions are is probably the best step forward, and that would mean taking a step back as soon as possible.

@user1497207191 I take your point and I had no support / direction either with parents who left school at 16. But unfortunately I've seen a lot of young people arrive at the wrong university doing the wrong course because of parental 'guidance'.

[quote user1497207191]**@WishICouldButIDontWantTo* As others have said, how are they going to be independent if they're constantly being supervised along the way?*

The key is pulling away and transitioning over time to reduce parental input once the child has acquired the good habits of doing their homework, having learned to research for themselves, and having learned organisational skills. The best way for them to learn those skills is to have a bit of parental support behind them, and then once they're self sufficient, parents pull away and leave them to it.

I really can't believe there will be many parents who check their children's homework every single school day for their 7 years of secondary/further education![/quote]
I completely agree with this

My son just started Y7, I am still helping quite a bit in terms of organising all the different assignments and talking through how to approach them (once he is set up to do the work, I back off).

I don't see it as doing things for him, I'm teaching him how to do these things and helping him form good habits. I'll gradually pull back over this year.

Homework is not just about learning the subject matter, it's about learning how to learn. Why wouldn't I help with that when I can?

I remind my ds 13 to do his homework every night. If he's stuck with something, I'll give him a nudge in the right direction and I'll help him practice for a French or German test, but I don't do it for him.

By the end of year 9 I hope he'll be a bit more self-motivating.

It depends on the age of the child. When they're just starting out in secondary and it's all overwhelming and faster paced than primary, a bit of parental involvement doesn't hurt. However, by the time mine hit Yr 10 I had backed off completely - at that age they have to sink or swim by themselves and develop good study habits. I'd proof read essays and make suggestions, but they had to do the editing and make any changes and I didn't correct spelling etc. either - just told them it needed to be done because there were errors.

By the time they were in Yr 12/13 they did it all themselves bar them telling me about their essays and what they were going to write - that helped them get it clear in their own heads, kept me interested but ultimately they did all the work.

More so than I'd like with DS Y10 at the minute.

Mostly it's making sure it's done by talking to them finding out what they have and checking it's been done, helping with specfic problems on request providing text books/workbooks for exam years/revision tools and then steeping back.

However they rush though Eng lit in a year here - which didn't suit my eldest at all and she undertood the subject - DS struggles with analysing texts seeing deeper meanings. There have also been issues with class discipline and associated time wasting despite it being a top set and the teachers been absent as fair bit - all of which has been worrying him.

Though most of what I've down last week with him has been basic exam technique - how to wirte an essay, structure and relating things back to question. Stuff I knew before GCSE - which he seems not to have covered till today - for an exam in couple of days time. That wouldn't have been enough time to process information for him.

I think there may be more help needed for next bits which he will struggle with.

We stepped in with DD1 with a science subject becuase large chunck of pre GCSE sylbaus seemed to have been missed - they choped and changed how organised and teachers they got I suspect to hide shortage - which meant they were playing catching up which dented her confidnce with the subject. She both wanted and didn't want the help so it was hard.

Many of the departments and teachers are fine but there are issues with others - a different school and I wouldn't have to get involved.

The ideal is they sort it - and DD1 Y12 is doing that and I expect DS will be able to do same - especially when he can play to his strengths.

[quote Aspiringmatriarch]@DaisyDozyDee that sounds like a very useful app - can I ask which one is it?[/quote]
The app is SatchelOne (used to be called Show My Homework). It’s provided by the school. All homework gets uploaded to that, and the child can tick off when they’ve done a task. It’s really easy to see when things are due and what the task actually is.
I could have done with it when I was at school. I can remember many occasions of writing down the wrong page number etc or forgetting what we were meant to do by when. The app solves all of that. The head of year manages the homework timetable too, so you never end up with big tasks for five subjects due on the same day. I’ve been impressed with it so far.

I have to be involved in my year 8 as if I wasn't he just wouldn't get any of it done.

Now I wonder if I have been too involved and should let him mess up (ie detention for no homework, etc) because I find it very draining parenting a child who just isn't bothered 😬

Nope. I encourage DD but I know it has to come from her, not me. To be that controlling with her would put her right off learning and probably give her a break down.

I work in a secondary school and I see the other side effects of the high pressure parents plan. Unless you truly have the rare child that thrives in it (there always is an exception), it often has a negative impact in other ways on the child.

Plus there is always a way around imperfect GCSE’s. It’s never the end of the world.

Sort of, up until the age of 12 I knew what homework they had and made sure they did it. I would say I facilitated in that I made sure they had food/snacks/breaks and a workspace (usually kitchen table). I supervised and encouraged while cooking dinner, occasionally looking something up for them, proof read. Once they got to age 13 they were more independent. Now age 15 and nearly 18 I support but don’t get involved in homework, they have matured, one is very conscientious and one is more last minute but I pretty much leave them to it.

I think if you have the time depending on your circumstances then you should help at primary school level and gradually back off at senior school.

I do think if you can get your kid to feel achievement and success in something, anything, it builds a positive picture for them. If they are in the lowest set and the bottom team they feel that is their place, if you can help them do well in anything it boosts their self esteem and gives them confidence which is priceless.

@Remmy123 I am in the same position. But if I let my DS fail, he will never try. Consequently I am spoon feeding him through his exams. My only hope is that some maturity kicks in once he’s at uni.

OP - I'm like this!! I have to ensure all homework is done and to an appropriate standard. I even go as far as making sure all her books are packed properly for the next day and lay out mx daughter's uniform for her in the morning She's in Year 7 and I'm really anxious she makes a good impression

@XelaM may I ask to what age you intend to do this? No judgement - my DS is 16 and I am still micromanaging him .

@MrsCardone it's exhausting and frustrating as has so much potential!!

I'm taking a different approach from now on I am going to back off and let him get detentions for no homework / wrong school books etc ive really had enough of the lack of focus / poor time management etc

I wasn't much involved with dd and ds1. But with ds2 who's 13 I've just had to step in and be more involved. He's had some terrible grades in key subjects and I can't just leave him to it. I think it's come about as a result of me taking my eye off the ball, a year spent out of the classroom and an inherent apathy on the part of ds. It has become apparent that he has completely misjudged how much work is required both to keep up, and to succeed in tests. This is what I'm helping him with.

I'm hoping it will be temporary and I can back off gradually after Christmas. I don't consider myself to be over-involved currently, but equally I don't see this level of involvement as a long-term situation. When my kids need help I step in, otherwise I just make supportive noises in the background.

My 16 yr old DD, not at all, never have. She gets on with it herself and is on track for good GCSEs. She would get higher grades if I did sit with her by the hour, but would not be learning to be independent.

My 12 yr old DS needs a lot of support, he lacks executive function, and will do the bare minimum if he can.

I have a good friend who is like you, OP. Very bright only child, and she micromanages her work. The pressure on her daughter to perform is enormous, and she is terrified of getting anything wrong. Why are you doing what you do? I know you want your DC to do well, but what what would happen if they ‘only’ got 85% in the next exam? Do you feel like that would reflect badly in you?

Also wanted to say how interesting it is to read other parents' take on this.

No for DD as she's capable. She's revising for mocks at the moment so i ask her how it's going and sometimes ask to see her notes. But that's it.

DS has SEN so I help him with homework every night. Wish I didn't have to because I also wish he didn't need it.

The way I see it, DD needs to have these skills herself. I won't be there at university to hold her hand and the school seem to have taught them how to revise as she has strategies. She may well get better grades if I micro managed , but they wouldn't be 'her' grades so the wheels would come off at some point.

No I didn't, they could ask if they were stuck and they had to sit at the table and do it but my role was to encourage good study habits not teach. One day they will be doing GCSEs, a levels and fly the next, they need to learn how to study themselves. Those who were coached through a levels often struggle at university hence top private school kids not always achieving the grades they presumed and exh gets emails, even phone calls prepandemic from worried parents asking how their child can be helped, reality is you help them by letting them go a bit younger!