Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

[rosemary201]

Another day, another school
Interestingly, the first letter from a boy

Dulwich College is today accused of being a “breeding ground for sexual predators” in an open letter organised by a former schoolboy that contains more than 100 anonymous accounts of assault, harassment and sharing intimate photos online.

The letter, written by Samuel Schulenburg, 19, a former pupil at the south London private school, said “experiences of assault, revenge pornography and slut shaming were exacerbated by ... young men who ... laughed at stories of sexual violence”.

His letter includes about 100 anonymous testimonies written by girls who went to neighbouring schools, such as James Allen’s Girls’ School (Jags). One claims there was “an established rape culture” at the school.

I have been obsessed with this story ever since it broke.

My son is at DC in lower school. He is very shy and geeky and still very much a child. He was at the local state comp all through primary school and bullied in year 6. He was bullied for being clever. He was bullied for being uncool.
By the way, many of the bullies were already watching porn on their phones and dating and kissing girls (who were also in year 6).

Many of my friends sent their kids to the local (outstanding) secondary school - Charter. The bullies who were in operation in the primary school are still thriving and making kids miserable.

I am glad my son is removed from that particular group of primary school kids - who I felt embodied the idea of toxic masculinity - and my son has been happy so far at DC. All the boys in his class seem to be similar to him - quite geeky, quite shy, quite clever.

I am really shocked by all the revelations that have surfaced. I chose DC for my son because it seemed safe. A place of tolerance and respect. When I visited the school the boys who showed me around were very sweet. The older DC boys who helped out on the exam day likewise seemed kind and encouraging. I watched boys holding doors for each other, standing aside to let adults pass in the hallway. I know it sounds silly - but from everything I witnessed, DC boys had beautiful manners.

The headmaster has always seemed full of empathy and compassion. I had no idea there was a 'rapey' reputation or that boys were being so unkind on social media or putting pressure on girls to send nudes or all the other things DC boys have been accused of.

I really hope that these revelations mean the culture changes.

@OrchidLou38

I have been obsessed with this story ever since it broke.

My son is at DC in lower school. He is very shy and geeky and still very much a child. He was at the local state comp all through primary school and bullied in year 6. He was bullied for being clever. He was bullied for being uncool.
By the way, many of the bullies were already watching porn on their phones and dating and kissing girls (who were also in year 6).

Many of my friends sent their kids to the local (outstanding) secondary school - Charter. The bullies who were in operation in the primary school are still thriving and making kids miserable.

I am glad my son is removed from that particular group of primary school kids - who I felt embodied the idea of toxic masculinity - and my son has been happy so far at DC. All the boys in his class seem to be similar to him - quite geeky, quite shy, quite clever.

I am really shocked by all the revelations that have surfaced. I chose DC for my son because it seemed safe. A place of tolerance and respect. When I visited the school the boys who showed me around were very sweet. The older DC boys who helped out on the exam day likewise seemed kind and encouraging. I watched boys holding doors for each other, standing aside to let adults pass in the hallway. I know it sounds silly - but from everything I witnessed, DC boys had beautiful manners.

The headmaster has always seemed full of empathy and compassion. I had no idea there was a 'rapey' reputation or that boys were being so unkind on social media or putting pressure on girls to send nudes or all the other things DC boys have been accused of.

I really hope that these revelations mean the culture changes.

Orchid this is really interesting to read

We had a choice between Charter and Alleyn’s for a clever, musical and arty but also quite sporty (as much you can be at small state primary school) boy. He is very innocent too, but luckily his current friends seem to be too at state.

It was a hard decision and I’ve been trying to find out more about Charter so it’s helpful to read your post.

I hope your ds continues to thrive at DC, I’m pretty sure he will.

@MarshaBradyo

With the peer group, I think it comes down to luck. My son was friends with his bullies all the way through primary school until year 6, when some of them suddenly changed and turned toxic. There are about 3-4 boys who are awful, but they have loads of followers who witness the appalling behaviour and are too afraid to speak out.

I guess my point is that toxic behaviour can exist everywhere and anywhere. Some of the kids I mentioned are frighteningly grown up.

I have heard lovely things about Alleyns - and they don't seem to have been mentioned negatively at all. I read an earlier post on this threat about Alleyn's boys being more likely to walk a drunk girl home than abuse her. So your child is in good company.

RubyViolet both my DS went to whigift and i have not found that experience at all. Any bullying within years was stamped on quickly, my older DS was called in promptly due to name calling. My younger DS has had some difficulties and he has nothing but support from the school. The school pastor has made regular contact with me about both my DS and his father who is ill.

However with a school with over a thousand boys I have no doubt for some they havent felt the same level of support and opinions will vary depending on there experience.

OrchidLou38 my friends son had a similar experience at charter. Her DS was bullied in the first year of the school and she was close to moving him. He was so distressed by the whole experience.

@ mybonnieliesovertheocean2

I am sorry to hear that. I hope he is ok now? Did the bullying stop?

That Whitgift comment has really brought it home. One of my DC went to the sister school and suffered significant bullying that lead to her refusing to go in. Headmistress (not the current one who seems to be a bit more sensible) insisted that DD was lying as she had known the principal bully since she was 3 and there was no way she would do what she was accused of. I briefly left the meeting with the pastoral head at which point the headmistress put massive pressure on DD to say that she had made it all up. Talk about victim blaming.

That's dreadful, Londonmummy. It reminds me somewhat of my school days but one would expect teachers to be more 'clued up' now.

There are bullies in every school, a few bad apples in each year who make life miserable for others. You just don't expect a teacher to be one of them.

It's good that your daughter had you firmly behind her. I couldn't have relied on either of my parents in that way, they were intimidated by anyone better educated and I was always blamed for everything. The scapegoat!

There's a new article in the Times today (paywall) saying that a few victims have named their abusers at DC. The school has disciplined the pupils and reported to the police where there have been allegations of criminal behaviour. So at least that's a start. There's also an article about Y11, 12 & 13 girls walking out at Highgate and staging a protest. It sounds very like the film Moxie but pleased they are taking action.

There is a website called Everyone’s Invited and it contains testimonies of young people describing the sexual abuse culture at their schools. It makes for pretty shocking reading.

www.everyonesinvited.uk

@bevelino

There is a website called Everyone’s Invited and it contains testimonies of young people describing the sexual abuse culture at their schools. It makes for pretty shocking reading.

www.everyonesinvited.uk

What do you think people have been discussing?

I just read a bit of that site. Made me feel quite teary.

Great that we can talk about this now. Rape culture is a strong set of words and the site plus talking about it generally will hopefully will help being change.

Esp now police are involved,

What I am wondering is, if you have signed up your kid, for one of these schools for a September start could you get your deposit or first term of fees back? I mean I couldn't imagine wanting a child to start at Dulwich College in September? Are their admissions teams in overdrive and contacting prospective parents assuring them that they are taking action? I suppose the face they have named some pupils to the police is a good start, let's hope the police take things seriously?

Ofcourse, it could be at many other schools, but there must be some schools with a good enough culture to at least minimise this shit and be able to provide a safe environment?

But you pay what over 20K in fees and this sexist abuse happens?

I mean, were you not paying for (in part) completely over the top staffing levels and pastoral care? All those added on extras and instead there seems to be rape culture?

You watch some of the school promotional videos and they do sell the dream.

How could you send your kid to Dulwich College after reading that Times article. Have any parents on here who have children at Dulwich College called up the Headteacher to express their concern and wonder what is actually going on and what is going to be done about it?

I mean forcibly removing clothing from a female?

I couldn't tell if the link upthread to today's Times piece is a sharetoken, this one is

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/dulwich-college-reports-its-boys-accused-of-sex-crimes-to-police-5vg2tn5sq?shareToken=978bc206e5722f21723c2bf00e8190f2

@Stokey - headteacher of DC sent a message with first draft plan to tackle this crisis (he mentioned a "handful" of reports to police and a "handful" of disciplinary actions - and this is before discussion with the whistleblower) . The draft plan sounded quite transparent and includes quite a list of different aspects, e.g. self-reporting the school to independent bodies (inspectorate, charity and local council), independent reviews of practices and culture, working with victims, complete review of all PSHE, tackling misuse of social media, reviewing old cases, getting parents involved, working with other schools, mentoring, helping pupils speak out etc. Sounded like a decent start. But will definitely follow this closely.

@mysterymountains Yes, my other half and me have written to headmaster to tell him how horrified we are and that we expect drastic actions.

I don't think it's that simple if you have accepted a place at Dulwich @mysterymountains. I know a DC going there who didn't get in to the other private school he wanted and was only offered his 5th choice of state school. It would be difficult to change options at this stage. I'm sure his parents are concerned at the stories but probably, like many parents on here, assume that it is a small number of boys involved. Hopefully this will herald in a change of culture at the school. But agree as a new parent I'd be contacting the school to ask what steps are being put in place.

And as we can see from the everyone's invited site, DC is by no means alone in perpetrating this culture.

I have heard from a friend involved in admissions that the proverbial is hitting the pan. There will always be parents on waiting lists happy to grasp the ‘opportunity’ though so long term I see little problem for ensuring they get enough fee £’s through the door to survive this blip.

@Schnitzelwithnoodle it does sound like they're taking the problem very seriously which is reassuring.

It must be very tense in the school atm but I agree with Stokey that I don’t see the solution is to stop Sept admission for your dc. For a start there’s no where else to go now as allocation is done.

Also there’s a lot of parental input which means many at DC won’t be like this at all. But of course you’d not want your dc to be around it generally.

Imo the school will try very hard to shift the culture and police investigation will help with that. That’s huge for a student and families.

@stokey , "Head"-teacher does not have a choice, does he - probably feels he's got his on a chopping board...

Am I being hopelessly optimistic to believe this might bring about a sea change - sunlight etc? Homophobia, drink driving and keeping slaves were all seen as perfectly acceptable by the majority at the time...

It'll bring about a sea change if the response is aimed at all schools and about how all young men are socialised

Focusing attention on a small group at one school (that has been published by one newspaper) will be entirely counterproductive - it'll 'other' the issue, and do a grave disservice to all the girls on Everyone's Invited who are writing of experiences in co ed and state schools.

Yes I agree with that. There are a huge amount of schools mentioned on that site.

Every school needs to be aware

..and act on it of course

Through education and taking it to task when it happens

Oh come on it’s many schools it’s not a state private issue. But some schools as described by a previous poster have managed to confront this and deal with it that needs to happen across the board.

My two at girls state school. This is no accident.