Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

[rosemary201]

Another day, another school
Interestingly, the first letter from a boy

Dulwich College is today accused of being a “breeding ground for sexual predators” in an open letter organised by a former schoolboy that contains more than 100 anonymous accounts of assault, harassment and sharing intimate photos online.

The letter, written by Samuel Schulenburg, 19, a former pupil at the south London private school, said “experiences of assault, revenge pornography and slut shaming were exacerbated by ... young men who ... laughed at stories of sexual violence”.

His letter includes about 100 anonymous testimonies written by girls who went to neighbouring schools, such as James Allen’s Girls’ School (Jags). One claims there was “an established rape culture” at the school.

My husband went to this school. He didn't recognise it as anything he saw, but then he was in a very nice friendship group. He's super shy and lovely and just wouldn't have been party to that behaviour.

He also went there a long time ago now

Read the pdf l just posted. It’s the open letter the Times are reporting from.

@stokey but do we even see it as harassment? How many times as a woman have you been in a group of girls/mum friends/on MN or whatever and found yourselves debating the merits of Jason Momoa's arse? Or in an office of women raising an eyebrow at gorgeous Tim from accounting walking past, or referring to having a Diet Coke break when the hot window cleaner comes to visit? Or did you not talk about boys at school in this way when you were a teenager? And if you haven't/don't participate in this kind of conversation - would you call it out every time, with a comment about how it's disrespectful to talk about men in this way and you'd like your friends/colleagues to stop, please? This kind if thing might be a world away from the abuse we're talking about here, but I think it indicates that we, as a society, don't really have any idea of how we want to manage these issues and where we want to draw the lines. We are putting a lot of focus on how we stop these kinds of behaviours in our children, without really understanding how we feel about them ourselves. I agree that conversations are great - but I think we need to be far more honest with ourselves as adults that we are still basically floundering about what sort of a society we want to be.

@doomball good point. Love Island anyone? Naked Attraction? Torso of the week in heat magazine? Ugly hot men? Wasn’t Facebook originally an App developed at Harvard for the pure purpose of enabling students to rate each other’s looks? How many times have you posted a photo on Instagram and eagerly hoped people would post “looking gorgeous jamiebond”! We live in a society that is constantly asking us to rate each other....we objectify each other all the time...

@RubyViolet

Read the pdf l just posted. It’s the open letter the Times are reporting from.

Thank you I have. We crossposted.

Just as I was expecting. Not a lot more I can say...

Ohh the whatabouttery, dismissing and minimising is out in full force.

I would say this is not just private schools. The toxic masculinity at the very ordinary state school I teach in is shocking. It is also much worse after lockdown (more access to porn maybe?).
The way that some of the boys speak to and about the girls is disgusting. Blatant sexism - it seems to be getting worse. We have put in place some PSHE to try and counter balance it but the boys are seeing it somewhere.

I feel so sad for those girls.

It’s definitely the influence of porn culture, where else are boys learning this behaviour. The pdf letter l posted makes eye watering reading . I am still digesting it.
Parents and schools need to be aware, our boys need guidance this cannot be allowed to go on.

[quote RubyViolet]This is the open letter. I couldn’t bring myself to finish reading it all today as it’s just so grim. Don’t read if you are feeling low ... ⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️
drive.google.com/file/d/1mORNC1ETjLCJc-6Hq10o8dURvcdhPn6S/view?fbclid=IwAR2qXI90wLFBsYahtiZ6afltE6Mwjj7Ibk00BYk4K_Y3XcW6y28fLZ0PjS4[/quote]
This is truly harrowing.

As a DC I went to school in Dulwich and for a number of reasons you couldn't pay me to send my DC there. But as a parent of a teenage dd, I'd love to know who are these parents who allow their homes to be used for underage drinking parties, where many of these assaults have happened? Some of these DC are 14. It's shocking.

lived near Dulwich for many years, and met some of the DC pupils through sporting activity. Some were fine, but there was a notable number with overbearing arrogance and a believe that they were somehow superior to others. Not sure if that's a 'quality' encouraged by the school or family, but can see how such an attitude could extend to how they see girls.

the letter makes for awful reading. it comes from a website that was asking for such testimonies and suspect there are similar open letters being collated for schools all over the country.

this does not diminish the horror. that teenage boys treat their peers this way is unspeakably awful.

but these testimonies are all anonymous and undated. no boys are named. there is nothing DC can do about these particular incidents - which mostly happened outside school.

what they can do is double down on the PSHE education. they can step up the 'chaperone' system on all coaches. they can create an atmosphere where any potential victims feel able to approach the school directly and quickly.

the bullying policy is pretty tight but can be flagged again to boys and again reporting made as straightforward as possible.

I reject the idea that the parent group are alpha and that the school is a sausage factory for alpha entitled boys who all treat women and minorities in this way. in fact i reject the idea that any school is.

the buck, ultimately, stops with the parents. we have to educate all our sons that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. Teenage years are hard but the need for ongoing parental guidance does not diminish.

It’s interesting that people form the view that because incidents happen outside school there is nothing the school can do.
Yet, almost universally, when someone posts about an issue with a child being bullied - outside school - the advice immediately given is to tell the school so that they can deal with it.

I won't apologise for my 'whataboutery and whatiffery' because I would actually like to see something change. Whereas I fear I can already see how this goes. In the coming weeks, more revelations will come to light, more schools will be named, and there will be a twitter storm of howls of outrage and demands for Something To Be Done. And the schools, both genuinely concerned and mindful of their reputations, will take action. DC will put a marshal on its late bus. Schools will carry out urgent reviews of their PSHE curriculums. They will write strongly worded letters to parents about parties and social media. Some people will feel that the schools have had their 'day in court' and feel that at least Something has Been Done. The media will lose interest and the whole issue will die down.

And meanwhile - almost nothing will have changed. Because the schools already have pretty comprehensive PSHE curriculums - they have been talking to their kids about these issues, a lot, for years. They already plead with parents not to allow their kids to host or attend unsupervised parties. They already have counsellors and pastoral structures and mental health leads and LGBTQ groups and urge students to discuss and report. Sure, they might now do even more of what they were already doing. But the underlying problem is that they're already doing it and it isn't working.

Why? Because we live in a society that doesn't understand what it wants and believes in. We shriek about how much we hate these overprivileged rich boys - while we pornographise wealth and consumerism. We wring our hands over girls sending nudes on Snapchat - while we spend our time posting every aspect of our #perfectlives on FB, craving positive attention, and allow our kids to sign up for Tiktok and Insta accounts when they're 9. We deplore the fact that our 13 year olds feel pressured to have Brazilians - while we prop up multibillion pound beauty industries trying to whiten our teeth and eradicate our crows feet and firm up our breasts. We lambast boys for objectifying girls, while failing to stop doing the same thing ourselves, because we don't really understand where we want the line to be drawn. We abhor paedophile rings while we lech over Britney in a school uniform. I could go on and on and on.

Scapegoating schools and seeking to make them put a public sticking plaster on the issue might make certain people feel better but it will not make the problem go away.

@Ifailed

lived near Dulwich for many years, and met some of the DC pupils through sporting activity. Some were fine, but there was a notable number with overbearing arrogance and a believe that they were somehow superior to others. Not sure if that's a 'quality' encouraged by the school or family, but can see how such an attitude could extend to how they see girls.

That is a common attitude amongst teenage boys whatever school they attend and they usually outgrow it.

@doomball - very eloquently put.

@doomball I tried to write exactly what you said but couldn’t articulate it properly so very glad you posted with such eloquence!

Phew.

Thank goodness for the doomball's of this world.

There's more I'd add - including the fact that there is something really awry about taking a lead from anonymous social media pages.

And that there is something interesting about the fact these stories/voices are somehow displacing decades of painstaking feminist work on anti-women violence. Strange that, eh?

But doomball has taken the time to write a sense-filled post. And I applaud you.

This is a wider problem with society - porn and social media have exacerbated long-standing issues.
However, there is a particular issue in these schools. They are not very diverse and the lack of diversity covers many issues, race, ethnicity, gender, wealth...but they are also not very diverse in attitudes. The local private schools in Dulwich are well known for offering places to children with very similar, confident personalities. When all of these children with alpha personalities mix, confidence can turn into arrogance and privilege into entitlement. This has been commented on in the press by former pupils. So whilst it is an issue in society in general, these schools do also have a particular issue that needs to be addressed.

And I'm beyond fed up of the fact schools are increasingly demanded to be the sticking-plaster.

It's a pattern. And there's a reason for it: money.

The public sector has been ravaged by austerity. Schools are one remaining locus where public sector interventions can be suggested in a low-cost way.

But it would be far, far more sensible to demand a widening and re-funding of the public sector.

@doomball I applaud you for a very well written post. I would add that individually naming and shaming “famous” private schools in this way will not make the problem go away. Parents with DCs at these schools who ARE totally innocent will feel aggrieved and will be less likely to support the victims if they are being asked to admit that their sons are complicit to the problem. Parents with DCs not at these school will breathe a sigh of relief that it’s just a problem with rich entitled white boys from certain establishments. The net result is that no-one takes any accountability. I think the original everyonesinvited concept was excellent at getting the conversation started but these additional headlines have undermined things.

doomball agree with you

It does seem the private schools are being targeted; however, my DD goes to the outstanding state school in the same area as Dulwich College and there are issues there too. One boy in the school has been accused of rape. I know a lot of boys on my street that went to DC are shocked at the article as are some of the parents. My other son is at a different boy’s school and there not mentioned on anything yet, everyone count website has nothing about his school either. So will watch this space.

I think people need to remember this is an all-boys school and the incidents occurred off site. I feel strongly that parents have a strong part to play here. The school has a tough disciplinary system in place already. My own DS school has zero tolerance and regularly hands out duty slips, detentions and headmasters’ detentions. They can also be expelled whether private or not.

I however don’t think it is a 'private school' issue only. I think it is a current issue about the attitudes boys in general have towards girls and girls thinking these attitudes are 'normal and acceptable. My DD old (private) school heard about some of these attitudes two years ago and did groups sessions with boys about relationships, attitudes towards females and respect. Girls had group discussions too and my DD said there was a lot of tears.

My DD and her friends have been targeted by boys from different schools, using snap chat to groom over a period of months. Boys being nice over time, making them feel liked and boy builds up to sending a dick shot and then asking the girl for a nude. It goes on and on and after months the girl sends it. Then boom the boy screen shots it and sends it round his groups. This is not new; I have had to have conversations with my DD about this. At the time she was targeted she was 14, the boy was 17.

I think the Sarah Everard issues has set it off as girls and woman have had enough. So, I expect to see more testimonials coming out

Thanks Doomsball for saying what a lot of us are thinking but too scared to say. The rot is in the whole of society. I’ll add it’s shocking when we read of 13yr old girls getting completely drunk out of their minds, unable to walk & vomiting but then also read from parents on MN, sending their young adults going off to university with loads of alcohol (sometimes hidden in luggage as a surprise for them) so they can ‘party’. These kids are simply doing what society is telling them is cool.