Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

[rosemary201]

Another day, another school
Interestingly, the first letter from a boy

Dulwich College is today accused of being a “breeding ground for sexual predators” in an open letter organised by a former schoolboy that contains more than 100 anonymous accounts of assault, harassment and sharing intimate photos online.

The letter, written by Samuel Schulenburg, 19, a former pupil at the south London private school, said “experiences of assault, revenge pornography and slut shaming were exacerbated by ... young men who ... laughed at stories of sexual violence”.

His letter includes about 100 anonymous testimonies written by girls who went to neighbouring schools, such as James Allen’s Girls’ School (Jags). One claims there was “an established rape culture” at the school.

@rosemary201 they are awful. Very disturbing not only how the boys but also how members of staff behave. I didn't think teachers could get away with that sort of behaviour any more.

@dillydaffy we certainly did have a misogynistic culture 30 years ago when you and your DH were at school and one would have hoped that the world has moved on - certainly independent schools aim to be forward thinking and pretty “woke” these days. Most young people are very liberal in their political leanings so I doubt Boris Johnson is a role model for the majority them. I’m not sure there is any evidence that Boris Johnson is a proven sexual predator either? So I’m not sure the argument that young boys at “certain public” schools are all hero worshipping Boris Johnson and honing their misogynistic predatory ways in his image.....

@Jamiebond789 Sadly many of the well educated boys that my DD's spend their days with (I only have DD's not DS's) can be just as misogynistic as the boys I hung out with 30 years ago (however they are very good at calling them out).
We were talking on this thread about a 'breeding ground' which suggests there are many different elements which make up a certain culture. I merely suggested one potential element which was the advent of Trump/Boris era taking us back a little in the language used about women. Not quite sure why that was so triggering to you but there we go.

In our small city any issues at the state school are gleefully reported in full by the local rag. Issues at the private schools are hushed up due to their generous advertising budget at said rag! I know for a fact there are way worse things going on at the private schools but you would never know it...

@MsTSwift

In our small city any issues at the state school are gleefully reported in full by the local rag. Issues at the private schools are hushed up due to their generous advertising budget at said rag! I know for a fact there are way worse things going on at the private schools but you would never know it...

Same! Except it's drugs. Everyone knows the money sloshing around at the private establishment means the parties are more drug fuelled but it's always the comp that cops it in the press.

@rosemary201

Wow the Highgate testimonies are truly shocking, particularly those mentioning that school the school was aware and did nothing.

Failure of Highgate School to support victims who report sexual assault to the school [33 testimonies]
Sexual assault and harassment within the school [16 testimonies]

This is why people are deluded if they don't think that schools can be a massive (negative) influence and that by turning a blind eye and protecting the boys/the school's reputation at all costs are allowing this to happen and get worse.

They don't have to be actively encouraging it in order to be a "breeding ground".

I said to a friend that works at The Times that I am amazed they are running the stories bearing in mind the advertising and Good Schools Guide type stuff. Good on them - it would have been a hard one to get past their in-house lawyers I am sure.

@Dillydaffy The ST has a reasonably new female editor, so I wonder if that's a factor? As well as the public schools stories, there was one taking a pop art hereditary Lords last week.

The comments are full of (presumably older) men threatening to cancel their subscriptions.

@Stokey that might well be the reason then, good on her if so. I know first hand how hard it can be to get clearance for those big stories that rock the establishment.
Cancel away boys!

Good on the new editor.
Highgate is local to me, l have numerous friends and neighbours who have/ had children there.
I know that there was a problem with Ketamine at parties a few Summers ago, l think that was endemic throughout the North London Private school social network at the time. l think it’s time for a cultural change from the top down in the system.

That’s undoubtedly true, but children at ‘bog-standard comps’ and ‘run-of-the mill schools’ have faced the same when things go awry since the beginning of time. It’s just how it goes

Agree that it's everywhere

Don't agree that we should accept it as just how it goes.

@AuntieStella, to clarify, I meant innocent children/young people at state schools being tarred with the same brush when something goes wrong in their schools has always gone on, whereas independent schools seem to have been better at keeping things quiet for the sake of the innocent and the guilty.

I know it's a thread about DC, not Whitgift, but I found this story really heart-breaking when researching schools for DS (it's about bullying, physical attacks and personal abuse sufferred by a 10 year-old boy in Whitgift and how his dad tried to get help from the school but failed) :

medium.com/@JimmyTLeach/bullying-happens-when-the-school-is-the-enabler-cac27010c4f5

I hope some parents find this information useful. I certainly did.

@sur125

I know it's a thread about DC, not Whitgift, but I found this story really heart-breaking when researching schools for DS (it's about bullying, physical attacks and personal abuse sufferred by a 10 year-old boy in Whitgift and how his dad tried to get help from the school but failed) :

medium.com/@JimmyTLeach/bullying-happens-when-the-school-is-the-enabler-cac27010c4f5

I hope some parents find this information useful. I certainly did.

That is such a strong testament and utterly heartbreaking. I suppose what we are seeing here is that the boat does not want to be rocked. That there is less observation and accountability in the private sector. The charitable status is looking very shaky.

What a powerful account regarding Whitgift, so so sad.

I hope the momentum behind all these horrible experiences means a more accountable and positive culture is promoted in schools.

I am sure it is not just private schools who have this issue and the state schools will also have these issues, so there are wider cultural issues.

However, I do relate to the "being managed" element of the article.
Private schools have the resources to manage parents, usually by offering more than the curriculum, networks and sometimes saying how wonderful your child is.

We turned down private schools (including Whitgift) because we could not really get under the skin of the culture of the schools, we felt we were managed.

Our child was described as "brilliant, would fit right in, is talented in sports and gets great academic results", but all the schools really knew was that he had done really well in a selective test or two. If they were so positive about a highly scored test and so focussed on selling the school to us before they really knew him, we realised that he would be dropped like a lead balloon if those qualities they liked so much were not always to be found. Also if he did brilliantly we would be worried about the size of his head.

One school we turned down made a bit of an icy quip at the very end, like oh I didn't think you would join anyway it is a lot of money over many years, and it was said like it was just enough to put us in our place. Like the guard was down. I felt it was a bit sarcastic too, but then realised they have done me a favour, our decision not to go private felt like the right one for us.

I'm very sad at the testimonies from Highgate too. Its very bad and clearly endemic in the culture. I've read both the Highgate and Dulwich College letters - the DC seems worse but they are both bad. Very bad. I'd say that Highgate still has the culture of the all boys school it used to be and teachers making excuses for 'boys will be boys' behaviour. It suggests there is something seriously wrong in the leadership and training of teachers in the private sector to be so dismissive of misogynistic and abusive behaviour. Or is it reputation and commercial considerations that override safeguarding and legality? This is very serious. I would not want my daughter to be around these young boys in her school days, at university or in her 20s.

And to the person upthread who suggested that the schools could take out libel cases - I wonder is this what you said about the complaints about Harvey Weinstein? 1) Institutions can't be libelled only individuals 2) are you seriously suggesting suing young women who are saying they were assaulted, slut shamed and raped? Who are you? Have you no values? Again, reputation overriding morals.

If my son went to one of these schools I would be very, very angry at the school and wondering what I didn't know. I would not ever, ever want my son to be exposed to this culture and ethos and an establishment that swept concerns and complaints under the carpet. I would not blame the victims. Check in with yourselves. Of course its not every boy, but do you really think these kinds of reputations arise from girls' imaginations?

Or shall we keep disbelieving girls `and silencing them and exposing them to continuing male entitlement that means they can be manipulated, used and abused? What would it take for you to be angry and exercised about this? We are lepton g down our sons if we don't better for their psyches.

[quote Londonmummy66]@365sleepstogo there really is a "DC type" and I know lots of families who eventually chose not to go there because of that - whether they went to the mixed school in Dulwich, a private or grammar school in Croydon or another mixed private school. I know girls from all 3 of the school mentioned in the testimonies and they all say to steer clear of DC boys - can't all be conincidence in particular when they don't see boys at the other schools as being anything like the same level of problem (with one exception and that is for having multiple girlfriends at different schools so not as bad although you wonder if they will turn out to be DH who have affairs etc....)[/quote]
My SDD was v familiar with the DC type and mentality, conquer otherwise she's a lesbian and you're a loser. That's how DC boys operate, it's endemic and written into their subconscious. They all think "its not that bad" . well yes it actually is.

SDD avoided all DC boys at all social gatherings (this was pre 2020). And it's a known fact that the Head (up until now perhaps) does nothing nor the teachers, even when they witnessed incidents vs the JAGs girls. They just either let it slide or went through the motions of telling off the boys.

If my son went to one of these schools I'd be angry with the school but also questioning myself and him as to whether any of these attitudes had permeated. Let's not forget some of these boys will be post 16 and about to embark on adult life. Responsibility shouldn't just be palmed off on the school.
At DS's comp a nasty preacher type gave an assembly which inferred that if you were gay you might end up in hell. DS knew at 15 that this was wrong abs marched straight to the head teacher's office to ask why such a character had been allowed to disseminate such ideas (weak school management was the answer of course!). Young people with a moral compass should know this kind of right from wrong.

My point is that I have never been prouder of DS because he spoke out to authority.

My SDD was v familiar with the DC type and mentality, conquer otherwise she's a lesbian and you're a loser. That's how DC boys operate, it's endemic and written into their subconscious. They all think "its not that bad" . well yes it actually is.

SDD avoided all DC boys at all social gatherings (this was pre 2020). And it's a known fact that the Head (up until now perhaps) does nothing nor the teachers, even when they witnessed incidents vs the JAGs girls. They just either let it slide or went through the motions of telling off the boys

This is exactly what concerns me.
Yes, misogyny is present in all aspects of society and there are all sorts of reasons why, from parental influence, social media, porn etc. However, what these letters and anecdotes highlight about these individual schools is a gross mishandling (at best) of this type of behaviour and the complicity of teachers and high ranking staff. That’s where the culture and reputation of the school stems from.

The victims are the girls and women NOT the school or it’s reputation. I do feel for the boys and parents who are innocent in all this, especially as a parent who thoroughly researched (or so I thought) the school, visited several times and almost bought into the sales pitch.

If you look through the Everyine's Invited website, you'll see accounts from private schools, state schools, universities and those which do not give an institution name.

I think we're missing the point if we assume that these schools which get the most column inches in the MSM are the worst. They're the most clickable for sure. But I really hope this doesn't become a case of blaming private schools (as that's safely 'other' for the vast majority)

i think it's a much wider issue of how we fail to socialise young men

Of course it won’t just be these schools and it won’t be just be private schools either. However, the worst aspect is the role of the staff in all this. Whether this is true for DC, KCS or any of the other schools should be a matter for investigation/inquiry.

As I said, yes, there are all sorts of other factors involved but, if proven, the massive institutional failings of the named and yet-to-be named schools must be investigated, held to account and rectified.

Saying the boys are a product of the toxic modern world we live in minimises the roles the schools had in enabling and perpetuating the behaviour to such an extent that the school has an apparent reputation for it.
I would be mortified and bloody angry if I was a parent of a child at any of these schools or of a daughter affected by the behaviour of these boys to read that it is something the school is not only well known for but actively ignored.

@scentedgeranium your DS sounds wonderful and I hope my DD ends up with a boy like him one day.

@Dillydaffy hah! he's taken I'm afraid! Married virtually straight out of university at the age of 23! I'm sure it helped him that he has a strong willed sister and mother as well as a good feminist father. But it is a fact isn't it? The boys also have to take some responsibility for their behaviour at a certain point. I know the schools and parenting bear a bigger burden, but lets not sugar it - we want boys to accept what is right and wrong behaviour and own it.
Otherwise you get the situation DD observed when she got to Durham, where these entitled beasts of young men were protected by their peers (as well as the university), and so it went on....

When I met dh all his friends from his university course (law Cambridge) were women. When I asked he just said “all the men were knobs”. Guess that’s where these types end up. Decided to marry him on the spot tbh.

@MsTSwift he sounds fab! My DH is a product of Eton but what I instantly loved about him was his resistance to letting who he was born affect how he thought in any way shape or form. He would not allow himself to be a stereotype and is so open minded and now he is a Dad to girls I adore how he teaches them to be strong, open minded, questioning individuals, and he actually didn’t want them at fee paying schools because of his own experiences at having pressure to conform to a certain social type to fit in.