Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

[rosemary201]

Another day, another school
Interestingly, the first letter from a boy

Dulwich College is today accused of being a “breeding ground for sexual predators” in an open letter organised by a former schoolboy that contains more than 100 anonymous accounts of assault, harassment and sharing intimate photos online.

The letter, written by Samuel Schulenburg, 19, a former pupil at the south London private school, said “experiences of assault, revenge pornography and slut shaming were exacerbated by ... young men who ... laughed at stories of sexual violence”.

His letter includes about 100 anonymous testimonies written by girls who went to neighbouring schools, such as James Allen’s Girls’ School (Jags). One claims there was “an established rape culture” at the school.

Just also scrolled through the EI testimonies and it seems that many of the laymer upper school entries are now blank so maybe they have taken some action about the school featuring so often.

I am going to bow out of this discussion. I am surprised I hit such a nerve with some when asking about admissions, why wouldn't admissions be impacted due to reputational damage? Maybe not this year but next, because these allegations are so serious.

@mysterymountains they are being impacted according to my friend who is a prep head in SW London.

And it appears the founder of EI is removing school names so as those schools that are named do not have disproportional blame, she wants this to be everyone's problem - not just certain schools.

I actually think without the school names, it may not have the same level of impact, I hope not.

Maybe the site has received a few legal letters

I don’t know though of course

Oohhhbetty so this is current offer holders, due to start in September 2021? Interesting.

It would be a worst nightmare scenario, also Dulwich College moved their test and interviews online so some people would not have felt they got a measure of the school during covid.

Not doing very well at leaving the discussions.

[quote Oohhhbetty]@mysterymountains they are being impacted according to my friend who is a prep head in SW London.[/quote]
On what way? People going elsewhere

schoolsweek.co.uk/everyones-invited-rape-culture-website-stops-naming-schools-amid-fears-they-take-disproportionate-blame/

The article explains it.

[quote Oohhhbetty]@kittybritain Attention is not the same as assault. Which is illegal. Boys also dress for attention? Being drunk does not mean you should be a victim of assault. I don’t drink myself, but that doesn’t change my understanding of the law. Boys who assault girls are guilty whatever they are wearing and whatever they have drunk. Assault is against the law end of.[/quote]
Assault is against the law end of. AGREED.

I was just saying that in my culture where girls wear knee length skirts, never partying with alcohol, not having sex until 18, schoolboys have no power over them. At university they explore all sorts but they are more mature then to know what's right and wrong.

Or perhaps at other schools boys are more concerned with worrying about where their next meal is coming from. It seems this is particularly rife in areas where the boys are spoiled?

@kittybritain

1.You are making some pretty big assumptions about what the girls are wearing and why.

2.Are women and girls in your culture never raped,sexually harassed or assaulted then?

3.Your comments equal "she asked for it" and you are making some pretty broad generalisations about the victims and how they're not the right kind of victim.

1. The culture you talk about doesn't keep women and girls safe. It just makes them less likely to report and speak out , so everyone can keep pretending it's not happening.

[quote RubyViolet]This is the open letter. I couldn’t bring myself to finish reading it all today as it’s just so grim. Don’t read if you are feeling low ... ⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️
drive.google.com/file/d/1mORNC1ETjLCJc-6Hq10o8dURvcdhPn6S/view?fbclid=IwAR2qXI90wLFBsYahtiZ6afltE6Mwjj7Ibk00BYk4K_Y3XcW6y28fLZ0PjS4[/quote]
@RubyViolet
Thank you for sharing.
very very grim read indeed.
Couldn't bring myself to finish it all in one go.

Forgot number 6.

So far we had drinking ,underage sex and type of clothing as a reason to why girls are "letting " themselves into these situations.

How far are you willing to go?

Is the girl at camp who went to play cards in the boys room putting herself in that situation?

The girl that takes the last bus that is full of boys?

The girl that walked home alone?

The girl that let a friend walk her home?

The girl that took a taxi?

The girl that went with her mates to the park or the woods?

The girl that spent alone time with male relatives?

The girl that's loud and outgoing?

Just how far are you willing to go before a girl isn't putting herself in that situation and becomes a "real" victim?

@kittybritain there are some cultures in countries around the world that expect girls to be virgins and advocate sobriety to keep them safe from the outside world of men, but these women are sometimes abused by their own husbands, and sometimes this is protected by law
As a male right.. So I as a woman and a mum of girls I am happy with the edict that assault is illegal whatever a girl is wearing or drinking in this country.

@MarshaBradyo let’s just say that said head is working many, many hours of overtime counselling anxious parents about their next step and trying to answer their concerns about these schools. I am sure most prep heads in London are at the moment! But there are always waiting list candidates with parents desperate to get them in so I suspect this year won’t have a financial impact.

Where did I say that women in my culture are never raped??

Where did I assume that "she asked for it"??

Where did I make generalisations??

Half of the testimonies are about getting drunk and sexting. How do girls getting to these? I would never let my daughter or my son doing any of these. My parents back home would never imagine girls this age could drink or text someone about sex.

Why do we let our girls drink and text about sex??

[quote Oohhhbetty]@MarshaBradyo let’s just say that said head is working many, many hours of overtime counselling anxious parents about their next step and trying to answer their concerns about these schools. I am sure most prep heads in London are at the moment! But there are always waiting list candidates with parents desperate to get them in so I suspect this year won’t have a financial impact.[/quote]
The video message the Head has sent out is very sombre. I believe he is incredibly serious, I think that there will be a genuine culture change at DC.
Parents may feel encouraged because it looks like zero tolerance policy is about to be enacted.
The time for fridge magnet platitudes has long passed. The parents will want to see the change.

[quote Oohhhbetty]@kittybritain there are some cultures in countries around the world that expect girls to be virgins and advocate sobriety to keep them safe from the outside world of men, but these women are sometimes abused by their own husbands, and sometimes this is protected by law
As a male right.. So I as a woman and a mum of girls I am happy with the edict that assault is illegal whatever a girl is wearing or drinking in this country.[/quote]
Many cultures like my own are open and liberal with regards to sex however for school age children it's completely frowned upon. They should learn to respect their own bodies and until 18 when they are old enough to appreciate sexual encounters.
Completely agree that in any culture any kind of assault is illegal. End of.

RubyViolet

The video message the Head has sent out is very sombre. I believe he is incredibly serious, I think that there will be a genuine culture change at DC.
Parents may feel encouraged because it looks like zero tolerance policy is about to be enacted.
The time for fridge magnet platitudes has long passed. The parents will want to see the change.

Yes he did didn't. In truth I just don't recognise the stories I have read in the letter from my experience and meeting so many boys over my 10 year involvement in the school. I keep going back to the fact that most of the boys do not get involved in this, most of them are as aghast as we all are, most of them don't recognise a "rape culture" and don't participate in it. If there is a "reputation" (which I have never heard until this week), I and all my friends associated with the school have not heard it. Of course, we all mix in our own echo-chambers.

DC and other prominent schools are making the headlines, but this is societal issue (porn and media fuelled), and a question of parental input too (as the head says in his message - are we really going to a place where the school is responsible for 24/7 activities of the boys).

I'm sure the school can and will do more as will all others whether or not the spotlight has fallen on them (yet).

I think girls should be able to wear what they like and go where they like without fear of being preyed upon....likewise if you have too much to drink at a party and lie down you shouldn't wake up with a hand up your skirt.

However, you do get situations where you are at a party and a girl (who is maybe a little tipsy due to alcohol) sits on a guys lap and starts playing with his hair and running her hand up and down his inner thighs - then he respond by maybe running his hand up and down her inner thigh and she then accuses him of groping her. I can see how sometimes it can be confusing to boys.

The letter makes for depressing reading. I'm surprised at the posters saying they had never heard of the DC reputation. In discussions with my niece ( JAGS alum), she was certainly aware of the DC "rape culture" reputation. Luckily she & her close friends escaped this element personally.

My ( rugby playing) DC alum nephew can confirm the toxic environment as well. He couldn't wait to leave.

As my niece reports, "rape culture" is certainly not unique to the school, but all boys private schools can perpetrate / create a particular kind of culture.

I'm glad for the naming and shaming, so that change can actually happen.

The reputation of Dulwich College boys is well known among girls at South London schools and for every girl that has come forward now, there are many more who have experienced similar behaviour. The attitude of some of the posts here explain why there is a reluctance to speak out. These allegations are nothing new and have been brought to the College’s attention over many years. It is good that they are taking more decisive action now but appalling that it has taken press attention and damage to the reputation of the school to achieve it.

@Beetle11 I second what you have written. It is well known among Secondary School kids in South London. Far before this all came to light in the press. My Eldest DD and her friends openly say to stay away from DC boys. There are boys from other schools as well. I must admit I did not take my DS offer up from DC even though he was awarded 2 scholarships a few years ago. This was my gut instinct based on several factors, but the rumours were one of them. He's gone to a state school and while not perfect (no school is), it is a better environment in it's normalcy and realness. That is the other 98% after all. And academically/quality of teaching there really is no difference.

@shinealightonit

I think girls should be able to wear what they like and go where they like without fear of being preyed upon....likewise if you have too much to drink at a party and lie down you shouldn't wake up with a hand up your skirt.

However, you do get situations where you are at a party and a girl (who is maybe a little tipsy due to alcohol) sits on a guys lap and starts playing with his hair and running her hand up and down his inner thighs - then he respond by maybe running his hand up and down her inner thigh and she then accuses him of groping her. I can see how sometimes it can be confusing to boys.

Thanks for this balanced view.

I don't let my daughter walk through the park alone in the dark. I told her that as a grown up woman I try to avoid doing that myself if I can.
I don't let her wear skirts above knee to school and told her that's what's expected in the workplace as well.
I don't let her drink alcohol at party but let her drink at home to taste and know how it impacts her, and tell her when she's at uni she can decide how much she can drink. I drink at parties and know when to stop. I told her the same.
I tell her that sex comes from love and respect of grown up minds, I don't let her have sex while still at school and show her resources about sex from school's and library for teenagers and tell her when she reaches 18 she can decide for herself who and when to have sex. Love and respect have to come first always.
I check her phone regularly and never allow any naked or compromising picture. I consider them same as swear words.

Aren't all girls educated in the same way?

@kittybritain
You use the phrase “I don’t let my daughter...” rather a lot. You are very fortunate in having a teenager who listens and follows everything you say and is happy for you to check her phone!

[quote Beetle11]@kittybritain
You use the phrase “I don’t let my daughter...” rather a lot. You are very fortunate in having a teenager who listens and follows everything you say and is happy for you to check her phone![/quote]
Thanks Beetle11. I appreciate that I'm lucky. But those are just normal expectations that any caring responsible parents with daughters have. My colleagues, friends, and family all do the same for their daughters. My son is at university and I still check his phone if I want to. They can use my phone or my husband's phone if they need to.

My point is, when girls place themselves highly, then the boys have no way to harass. Young girls should be educated to have respect for themselves, their bodies and minds, know where their limits are. As they mature, the limits get further relaxed, like at uni or at work where drinking and sex become normal part of life, but at young age, knowing where limits are is extremely important.

I know I'm going against the tide here but from what I've read, half of the testimonies posted show girls didn't have enough respect for themselves.