Thread 15 - Corona Cohort Year 12, 2021 Lateral Flow & Driving Tests

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@Piggywaspushed oh dear. Not good. I'm just annoyed at throwing an appliance away that needn't have been thrown out. Plus I've ordered another vacuum, I'm not working at the moment due to covid, so dipped into savings to buy it. It just topped off my bad day. I've still got ds2 refusing to get up until 6pm and do his school revision and his theory app. I'm having really big problems with ds3 he is so, so miserable and unhappy, I don't know what to do with him anymore. On a plus side, ds1 is coming home from university at the weekend. He wanted to know whether there was free Easter chocolate and what is for dinner Easter Sunday. Food is obviously his priority.

Oh , that sounds tough ican. How old is DS3? Could it be hormones?

@Piggywaspushed he was 12 last week. I've struggled with him for years though, I've often wondered if he is mildly autistic . However, he is always perfect at school and reading up on ASD sites, most of them aren't him. But this isn't normal behaviour. GP wasn't helpful last week. Told me it was normal behaviour. So I tried school as I'm really struggling. The head of year is getting the SEND person to call after Easter. But said he's fine at school. We are going to attempt to get him out to the coast tomorrow. Away from gadgets. Ds2 has already refused to come. He needs to revise apparently. But I suspect he won't even be up when we get home.

Parenting is so tough. I always find GPs very unhelpful about stuff like this. DS1 had an eating disorder at that age and the GP bounced that back to the schol as if it was their area of specialism. So frustrating.

Hope things improve and/or you have a nice day out.

Icanbe other people may disagree but I think it’s really important to look at his phone/laptop/devices to check what websites/chats he has been visiting. Maybe get older siblings to have a chat?

Getting him out in this sunshine is the best idea. Hope you have a great day.

Seaside trip was hard work. Ds3 just walked round with his hood up, head down moaning he wanted to go home. Wouldn't have hot chocolate like he usually does, said it's disgusting. Answered back rudely to anything I said. So we did our very best to remain cheerful and ignore his remarks, we just got back to the car when I saw someone running towards us...ds1 (second year university) had decided to drive his housemates to the coast too. Apparently he had just said to his mates...my mum has the same jumper as that lady. Then realised it was us. As he was saying hello to us when ds3 said "goodbye" got in the car and slammed the door.

@Zandathepanda I think ds3 plays on screens far too much. I've banned them before too. But he's not talking to other on there or doing group games. He can't link with anyone on his switch or Xbox as no join up account. He only chats to one other friend on WhatsApp.
He won't speak to his brothers as he hates them. It's so hard. He's so miserable and I don't understand him.

That's enough about ds3 anyway. This is a year 12 thread. Hopefully I'll get help of some sort. If we can't change him I'd at least like to understand him.

At least the weather was glorious at the coast.

@Icanbe have his hormones kicked in early? My 4th was stroppy at 12. He told me recently that in year 7/8 he hated his school. I remember him being pretty weird n rude at that stage and he's still a bit on that side.

I wish children came with a Manual!

Have you thought about some counselling ?
Two sessions worked really well with dd2 and gave her some coping strategies. She seems much happier.
I've now booked my youngest into some tomorrow. As he finds it difficult to discuss issues with me.
I think some boys just find life really difficult at this stage and don't know where to turn. They don't want to upset or let down their Mums either. So they claim up and worry over things.

Ican. I have no advice, but hope you get some good support soon.

I would happily pay for help. But I don't know where to start. He's just sent me a text from his room telling me he'd rather die than talk to anyone, I find that so hard to hear. I went up and he's in his bed, hood up, curtains shut playing on his iPad. I opened the curtains, suggested he come down for lunch. He just went right under the covers and pointed to the door for me to get out. So I sat there for a bit. But he stayed under covers. So I came back down. I don't know what to do for the best. He's been really hard work for years. So I don't think it's hormones, being locked up for months hasn't helped. But this isn't new, but it's getting worse. I took the Nintendo switch away and iPad charger while he was under the covers. He will have to speak to me to ask for them.

@icanbewhatiwant I would echo the advice about checking devices because I had the same experience with DS1 where I naively trusted him on his devices which was the wrong decision. From past experience if he is being quiet and withdrawn then something is wrong. Don’t leave it which is what I did and this was a big mistake.

@Nard75 do you mean as in being bullied online? Because he's not interacting with others. He's playing a tribal wars game on iPad and Zelda on switch. Both not involving anyone else. I do need to get him off devices. But the way he's being at the moment I think it will make him worse if I start taking stuff away.

It could be bullying or interacting with people on social media. I am finding that my DS1 is constantly on the The Student Room website. What are thoughts on this website?

ican, remember that my Ds2 is the same age as your ds3. 12. And he is the sweetest ever boy, but has been highly unpleasant in the last month.

Just returned from second covid vaccination 💉. So that's me, fully vaccinated. Very pleased.

@Nard75 he's not interacting with people as he hasn't got access to others (needs a paid account on Xbox or switch)

@Oblomov21 this isn't recent. He's been difficult for years. But has been much worse recently. We just visited a relative with her new baby. Ds3 stayed in the car, hood up on a hot day, he was in there an hour and a half. I did open the windows and boot, no devices to play on either. He just lay on the back seat 🤷‍♀️

I think this sounds like you need to seek CAMHS tbh. If GP won't help, school should but school referrals take longer. DS1 did get as far as CAMHS who weren't massively helpful but it was better than nothing. CHUMS were better but it was a massive drain on time. One thing a GP should do is flag potential ASD, for example.

@Piggywaspushed thanks. The main problem is that he's always been brilliant at school. He's always been well behaved, teachers at primary used to say he was such a great role model. I've worked at the primary school...he was a completely different child to the one at home. The year 7 online parents eve they all said you have such a wonderful child. He used to shout and yell trying to get him ready for school...he'd argue all the way, stamp up to the gate, get to the teacher and smile, say good morning and put on a different head. The teacher I spoke to the most about our problems said she could see his face change as he went through the gate.

Schools do need to listen to the fact that some children are presenting differently at home, though. My DS's school couldn't believe he didn't eat either. I am sure it is a question on the questionnaire in terms of presenting differently at school. Often they behave differently at home because close relationships are by nature more fraught and emotional so either is it just harder for them to control or regulate emotions or they repeat behaviours because it gets attention and any attention is good attention. Supernanny programme often used to have parents say 'but they are so different with grandparents/school' etc. It's definitely A Thing.

I hope you manage to get some help icanbe.

If it makes you feel any better our boiler has broken and we have then discovered that the immersion heater has also broken, so no heating or hot water since Sunday. At least it's not winter but the earliest British Gas can send someone out to us is April 19th!!

April 19th! Jeez,what even is the point of paying these cover policies?

No hot water constitutes an emergency surely?

ican masking is classic. School insist child is 'fine' in school, but they actually aren't, it's just school refuses to recognise it/see it.

Or child is actually ok at school, and is not at home. So parents get the worst possible deal.

Either way you probably do need some help and support here. From whom / where, is only your decision.

19th?

@Oblomov21 yes we need help. Just not sure where from. The gp suggested 4yp a group in Ipswich. (About 40 mins from us) not sure if they are who we need. It's a youth group but it says they offer counselling on a short term basis.

I can put up with ds3 being grumpy, he also answers back to everything we say, so if I say my nose is running, he says noses can't run they don't have legs, comments like that I can put up with, it drives me mad as he has an answer like that to literally everything. But I can still put up with it, but it's telling us he hates us and that he's rather die than be with us, that I find quite disturbing. Maybe he's just doing it for attention. I don't know anymore.

@20newnames that's not good about the heating and hot water. Heating I guess isn't so bad...but hot water.

Ermmm. 4YP is a glorified youth club.

The kids who go there are not always improved.

I would go back to him on that, mention DS's recent comments and insist on some proper help.

Hmmmm. Ask GP for referral to Paed, for possible ASD. And this could mean you get said referral through camhs anyway?

@icanbewhatiwant I've been out all day, so coming in late but I do agree that masking is a very typical response for many children who find the school environment overwhelming due to sensory overload or similar. Definitely ask for a referral to Paeds or CAMHS or whatever the local diagnostic pathway is (they vary and it's 10 years since we trod this path with DS). Don't rule out the youth group, we have a very good one here which is more than a glorified youth club, it is a good support base for children/young people with all sorts of difficulties (SNs, mental health issues, family problems etc). It may be a help in the short term as sadly, referrals do have long waiting lists.