I have a teenage son now 15 and in his final year at secondary school. He was a sunny baby and young child until he entered year 1 at primary school. He sat up in bed on Christmas Eve aged 5 and said “mummy, I don’t think my teacher likes me.” From there, apart from a couple of decent years with lovely teachers, his school life was fraught with difficulty. He was labelled a rude naughty child in year 4, I suggested his hearing should be checked as it seemed out of character. I had to arrange this. The school nurse deduced that his hearing was inadequate for the classroom and he went on to have 2 years worth of treatment with ear, nose and throat. The difficulties continued with that teacher and I would say it amounted to basic bullying. We changed his primary school. Year 5 was great there, year 6 unproblematic until the last 2 weeks of term, before secondary school transition. A dreadful situation occurred whereby the class were asked to work in groups to discuss whether “Ankara helped Muslims to lead good lives” I am convinced to this day my son did not understand, nor was he if sufficient ability to understand the task. The teacher never checked this. Another child shot his hand up and said my son thought the religion barbaric. He had previously had a discussion with me about the stoning of women, that they had been learning about and asked if it still happened today. I said I hoped not as it was an unpleasant thing to do, and we had an open discussion about it separating a practice like that from the religion itself. Not once did the word barbaric come up, but I tried to keep him balanced about it. Back in class, the teacher asked my son why he thought that, and he said because women can be stoned and that’s barbaric. My son said the class went quiet to listen, the teacher asked him in front of everyone “if a Muslim child came to join the class, would he treat them unfairly” my son replied “yes, he would treat them the same as anyone else”. He thought the teacher had said “fairly”. At break time after the lesson, the headteacher went into the school yard and shouted at my son to go with him, that he had been saying racist things in class and been violent towards other children, the whole yard stopped to listen (I know this from many surrounding witnesses) he said to my son the police would be called if he didn’t go with him. My son asked for the head to call me and his dad. He was told to stand outside in the corridor and was shouted at further about his racist comments and violence. My son was 11 years old. I was called an hour after the incident and I said I would go in. Wasn’t convenient for the school, so I went in at 3.30 after school to see the class teacher. I then collected my son from after school club, he explained what happened, which was the same as the class teacher, but without some of the significant detail and a very different perspective. A couple of parents phoned me that evening to ask if my son was ok, that their children had gone home and been upset because they felt my son had been treated very unfairly. At the meeting with the headteacher the next morning, we found that the incident had been reported to the police under the prevent duty. The head requested my son stay for the whole meeting, I should not have agreed to this. To me this can be inappropriate. The conversation was difficult, my partners choice of reading books was challenged. There were comments made about there being swastikas all over our living room walls and available nazi literature in our home. My partner was also later interviewed by the police under the prevent duty. I was completely stunned by what unfolded before us. It was hugely damaging to my family, our health both physically and emotionally. We are a pretty usual family, hard working, communicate pretty well eating meals around a table, balanced and kind to our fellow human beings. My son left that school two days beforehand the end of term because he told me he was scared something was going to happen to him there. We complained to the governors, but were stonewalled as they all gathered ranks and protected themselves. It went to the higher levels of complaint, the teacher concerned told blatant lies on her statement, things that were never discussed, but I had no witness at the time to corroborate my views. Thus started a torrid life at secondary school, kept on report for 9 months, only told he could come off report if he got grade 1 in all lessons all week, accused of many things that were later proved he had not done, though he was excluded a number of times for said untruths or they thought of a reason why the exclusion took place, such as “his reaction” was why he had been excluded. He was accused of misogyny, bullying and further racism though all these things were proved to be untrue. After all these things, too numerous to mention, I still have a very sensitive lad with good strong values and kindnesses but he is really angry inside and struggles every day with school. We have accessed counselling for him which seems to have helped. My son is guilty of being sometimes unable to keep himself under control and we have always tried to support the school and him in a fair way. One thing I do know is that my son will say he did something wrong and he could have made a better choice, I know when he is lying. We foster an open and honest relationship in as far as teens will allow. I just know when your child is marked on school, they don’t stand a chance. I thought there would be better ways of managing behaviour in schools nowadays, that all children have something to offer, that self esteem is raised by fair treatment, that recognising the smallest of achievements, and not leading, provoking and contributing to the escalation of negative behaviour, then blaming the child for reacting. I just wanted to share this experience to let others feel less alone. It is a hugely lonely place to be and can affect your whole lives as a family. Keeping the lines of communication as open as possible helps, but it’s still hard when for 5 years, you struggle to move your teen out of bed to get to school on time. We do the best we can. Best wishes to all of you.