Scholarship or grammar?

[Mumto2two]

Our daughter has been offered a couple of scholarships, one of which is quite a generous percentage of the fees, at a good school..although would still be a substantial financial outlay. She also has the option of a good local grammar, so are deliberating whether to take up the offer or not. On the upside, we are thinking that this might offer her a wonderful life opportunity, that is worth far beyond the discount...on the downside; it’s not local, there is still the remaining x% we’d have to fund...and a very different way of life for perhaps us all.... Our HT seemed shocked we were even considering not accepting. Does anyone have any advice or previous experience with making a similar decision? Am already losing sleep over it

[BubblesBuddy]

Ha! I couldn’t do 6 am starts for school!

We really didn’t look at individual children at any school and think DD must only work with bright ones! Many schools have DC that are not particularly academic but I would like to think my DD at 11 wouldn’t have shunned the less bright ones. That’s just a bit too selective for an 11 year old. How do they even get to think they need to be with bright DC only? From the parents?

Also intelligence isn’t everything. Lively girls can have all sorts of hobbies are attributes. That’s what can be good about some schools. There is breath and no 11 year old should be prejudiced about perceived less intelligent DC. Further down the line even they can be big earners!

[SJaneS48]

At 11 (and having an 11 year old) i would say it’s really all about being with people you’re going to have something in common with and having the opportunity to do things you like. Well, in my experience anyway!

Excellent @Mumto2two! Find a room you can go mutter to yourself in and bring a big jug of coffee, iboprofen, a fixed (slightly scary) grin, gritted teeth and spare ten pound notes for the bus for lost bus passes (that inevitably they find latter on when they’re actually on the bus). Brushed teeth and hair entirely optional!

[SJaneS48]

Later not latter - long day!

[ErrolTheDragon]

How do they even get to think they need to be with bright DC only?

Did anyone on here imply that? 'Among' is a world away from 'only'!

[BubblesBuddy]

Mine would not have even thought “among” at that age. They were not so judgemental - and it is unnecessarily judgemental. They just liked friendly DC and ones they got on with. My Dd didn’t choose to be among similar DDs based on learning capacity at 10 years old. It’s so elite to think that and it’s not a world away from “only”. This is because the pool is deliberately chosen to be full of DDs like her. My DDs were far more concerned about food, boarding houses, having a laugh, making friends, and new opportunities. Not being among DDs of a similar academic standard.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Well of course all the other factors are important too (and intelligence and 'attitude to learning' certainly weren't criteria for friends outside of school).

I think I've somehow implied something different from what I meant.never mind.

[Mumto2two]

Absolutely same here Bubbles. Not even our eldest determined her 6th form ‘fit’ based on academic comparisons...and happily shared desk space with predicted C grades and A grades alike, because they all had many other things in common. I really wouldn’t want my child to be in a school that felt this was the most important thing to have in common... which is probably why our youngest is leaning towards the school she is. She likes the girls she has met, feels she will have so much in common and she would have fun there. When we point out the negatives of long days and long bus rides...she feels confident it will be ok. Choosing a school to this 10 year old, is very much ALL about who her friends will be, and how much fun they might have...it’s certainly not about how they are going to compare at physics.

[ErrolTheDragon]

happily shared desk space with predicted C grades and A grades alike, because they all had many other things in common

As did mine ... and Ds ... no setting within a non-superselective GS probably is perhaps not quite the elitist hothouse you might be thinking of. Well, I suppose even those may suit some.

[Mumto2two]

And that’s just it Errol..some do! I know parents who have blatantly turned their noses up at the prospect of their then 11 year olds..sharing roof space with the lesser able, somehow oblivious to the 3 years tutoring to home their little Einsteins for the ‘academic’ schools they felt they needed to be. Only to find themselves begging at the door come GCSE results day. Sad, but all too commonly true!

[ErrolTheDragon]

I meant they may suit some children. Parents who push their kids into schools which don't match their genuine aptitudes and character do them a disservice. That applies to the over-tutorers but also I suppose to the 'not for the likes of us' and doubtless other parental outlooks.

[JayDot500]

Not even our eldest determined her 6th form ‘fit’ based on academic comparisons...

A competitive environment will fit certain children, that's the lesson I've learned. It doesn't mean they are heartless workaholics who don't try to relate. I think we all can appreciate that surrounding ourselves with focused, driven people can help drive forward our own motivations. Being surrounded by complacency can be a nightmare for someone who doesn't have that luxury (because they aren't rich), nor inclination (because they want to feel challenged by whatever).

Students who work hard and get a C isn't what this gist is about.

[JayDot500]

Re the tutoring thing, I've also seen how a student tutored to get into a school will pass and get in, and then have their self-esteem crushed as they can't catch up with the flow of work and assessments. This girl would come home with the worst reports concerning her grades, but now she's flourishing socially and will do fine career wise, I'm sure.

This all only really matters to me now because we've moved and ended up in a grammar, indie, secondary area. I'd never have thought all of this would concern me: I went to an inner London comprehensive that was a bit meh. Just assumed my kid would do the same, but nooooo! Even the teachers I know dissuade me from just choosing the secondaries without trying to feel out the alternatives.

Maybe we'll just move

[Mumto2two]

Complacency en masse would be a totally different ball game..I do agree...which is what our alternative non grammar option would have been back then. The gentle indie option might not have been rammed with super motivated high flyers, but it certainly wasn’t filled with complacent rich kids either, they were in our experience, quite few and far between.

[BubblesBuddy]

I don’t really think complacent rich kids are in grammar or independent schools these days. Some richer parents don’t have the brightest DC, but that’s another matter. I find DC who don’t work at school come from all backgrounds too. Certainly plenty who are not rich in any shape or form switch off from education.

[Didsomeonesay]

.

[Losingtheplot01]

Hello Mumto2too
We were in the position last year. A scholarship
Offer at a less academic school be a place at a super selective school and my DD chose the scholarship School.

We had a few things to consider including finances and although it hasn’t been easy we def feel it was the right choice for her. She is able and bright and works hard at school but like your daughter is also a bit away with the fairies at home.
She also can have days where she gets close to 100% in tests and other days where she mixes up plus for a Minus it divide so can totally get much lowerS
The super selective although fab for results felt like she wouldn’t be able to have any down time. She enjoys school but doesn’t enjoy the pressure and we felt she would get a more rounded education at the scholarship school.
Also, being nearer the top is definitely better for her self esteem. She has a health issue which makes her feel not so good about herself so needs as much positive self esteem as she can get.
She may have been near the top at the SS grammar but because of the potential for her to always have to keep up and work at a fast pace, consistently it felt like there wasn’t any room for her to have an off day, or if she would feel comfortable asking for help if she didn’t understand something. She doesn’t like drawing attention to herself so putting her hand up in a class of kids who get what is being taught would be hard for her.
We also got the ‘are you mad?’ Comments/looks because on paper the scholarship school is less academic in terms of results however it is still the best school for my dd.
Having the scholarship has boosted her confidence and so far, a term and a half in, she is happy and settled and has slotted into senior school life very easily. It’s early days but she is happy and we are too, knowing that she is.
I believe that if she is happy she will do as well as she can.
The money side is tight but due to the health issue we tend to not eat out too much or travel abroad so the money we might spend on those sorts of things goes on fees.
I was very conflicted for a king while before we chose but deep down, instinctively I knew what the right choice was. So did my DD.

So I would say follow your gut and I don’t think you can go too wrong.

Wishing you and your DD lots of luck. She sounds super so am sure she’ll do well.

Xx

[Mumto2two]

@Losingtheplot01 Thank you so much for your lovely post, your description of your daughter and her situation, is so incredibly similar, I could have written that myself. And could well be come this time next year!
Thankfully, we have absolute certainty here this weekend, financial constraints aside, we have no doubt in our hearts this is the right decision. Feeling very positive...thank you xx

[Losingtheplot01]

Hello again.

It’s such a stressful time so very pleased to hear you’re feeling positive.

It was such a nerve wracking time for me as like all parents, I wanted to get it right and I still feel a bit frazzled by the experience. I remember being certain and the getting the grammar place offer and it was all up in the air again.

For what it’s worth, I never felt I got it right, decision wise, for a long while. DD was though so that was important and it was only about a week after dd started year 7, I knew we had.

Wishing you all the very best and hope your dd is very happy at senior school. xx