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Secondary education

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Original poster

Help! DD disquialified from year 10 mocks

148 replies

ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 21:46

Name change as usually about my ds.
DD finished her year 10 mocks around last week and was disqualified from 3 different ones (luckily school use multiple exam boards per subject so she wants disqualified from extra) all for basically the same reason. I’ve emailed but no reply what do I do? I’m not happy with her one bit

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:08

Broken legs the first time is clumsiness.

Broken legs doing the exact same thing despite the broken legs the first time around is a neurological issue.

Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:09

School have (like me ) implemented consequences which are yet to take a toll on her. Of course I realise chatting and shouting out is unacceptable but it’s never something I’d associated with a sn more just the bad choices she chooses to make and perhaps her peers around her which may influence her

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lyralalala · 13/05/2019 23:09

Obviously the broken legs were a problem which I noticed but I just put it down to her own stupidity and clumsiness which is quite common amongst teenagers

Stupidity and clumsiness is one thing but I don’t know any teenagers who’ve jumped off the same wall breaking their legs more than once.

The only teens I know with repeated injuries are ones that play football or rugby or a sport.

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:09

And actually the broken legs the second time are beside the point.

Attempting the same stunt twice despite a very negative outcome the first time is the problem.

Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:11

I’ve had little chats with her multiple times but I think tommorow will be the day I have a full blow rant at her about these issues.

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blueshoes · 13/05/2019 23:13

She’s year 10. Those conversations need to have been had and repeated and reinforced since it became a problem (it’s minor problems that turn into big ones)

This. It is never too late to start but actually it is already a little late. Where were you before Year 10?

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:13

She should be mature enough by Year 10 to be able to resist peers egging her on because she should be able to balance priorities and take context into account at that stage.

Being vulnerable to peer pressure to the extent that she broke exam rules which were undoubtedly read out beforehand, and which probably nobody else in the hall was doing means she has a problem that goes beyond normal teen impulsivity.

What is your resistance to a SN label?

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:14

Ranting is going to get you nowhere.

It's very obvious that she needs a diagnosis.

Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:17

Not necessarily a resistance to sn label but she just doesn’t strike me as say a child with adhd ect. Yes she has broke her leg twice on the same wall but she can be scared of things such as backflips for example she wouldn’t just go in and attempt one of them. What do you mean where were we before year 10?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 13/05/2019 23:18

Lack of impulse control beyond what is normal for her age group, absolutely could be an indicator of ADD, which can manifest itself quite differently in girls than boys and is therefore under-diagnosed in girls. Worth doing a bit of research, just in case, IMO.

Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:21

Will definitely research but still am reluctant to the idea she has sn not quite sure why though

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 13/05/2019 23:22

She needs help to understand that it isn't just exams that will be affected. That is serious, but real life and jobs require a more mature attitude. She won't be able to hold down a job either.

I think she needs some consequences at home too.

Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:23

I think the reason I’m reluctant is due to the fact that it’s usually my son in worse trouble rather than my daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikechickentacos · 13/05/2019 23:24

Consequences were implemented when it happened straight away

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Mintandthyme · 13/05/2019 23:24

Well I guess it’s her that will have the life long consequences of your lack of dealing with it but good luck to her anyway.

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:27

Inappropriate risk taking and disadvantageous decision making are major characteristics of ADHD, and she has shown both of these.

You mention the same jump despite a terrible result the first time, running across the road instead of waiting for the lights, not taking in the instructions in the exam, not understanding what happened to cause her disqualification.

Also this: ...she can have a gob on in an argument , shout out sometimes , talk a lot and she definitely buys useless things without a reason but I’ve never really seen it as a problem.

Weirdly , she buys things without a reason but can also be indecisive about things at the same time and I think she realises she can’t do physiology ect if she carries on but she either has a very cocky attitude about things as in she knows she will pass or genuinely doesnt realise.

Above all, bells are ringing from the failure to learn from a previous mistake. You seem sure she won't learn from previous mistakes so I am assuming you have seen many examples.

Wrt discomfort when all is silent around her, she may have an anxiety problem too.

blueshoes · 13/05/2019 23:27

What do you mean where were we before year 10?

I meant there have already been instances of your dd's impulsiveness and reckless behaviour before Year 10 but no decisive action taken prior to this beyond 'little chats' that do not stick? You think it could be her peers. Do you know who her friends are?

You don't seem to have a grip on your dd. This should have been ringing alarm bells long ago when it would have been easier to nip in the bud. It a riot act needed to be read out, I would expect it should have been read out multiple times by now.

Anyway, it is not too late to start parenting. Shame she is not a child for much longer.

blueshoes · 13/05/2019 23:31

Did she prepare for her Y10 mocks?

perfectstorm · 13/05/2019 23:31

She sounds textbook female presenting ADHD, frankly. I don't know why you are so opposed to getting her assessed? If it is ADHD then that's one of the few neurodevelopmental conditions that has effective medication to alleviate the negative aspects. And bluntly, you aren't in a position to know if it is or not, unless you have real expertise in the condition. That's why they have clinicians to diagnose.

I'd get to the GP, say what you have here, and ask for a referral.

I appreciate your frustration. It sounds really hard on you. But you say she is chronically impulsive, disorganised, forgetful, can't change those things when there are dire consequences, and then you say SEN sounds wrong? I don't really understand why you are so resistant to the idea, honestly. If she's not, then fine, but if she is, she needs help and support which she's not getting. A label is the key to unlock that support.

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:32

I don't think this can be cured by 'parenting' unless by parenting we mean "seeking a diagnosis of possible ADHD and also anxiety".

This should be your first port of call, ilikechickentacos.

Constant little talks and the occasional frustrated rant will not be effective at all if there is an underlying problem, and will only serve to damage her self esteem.

What you are describing is not normal teen risk taking or poor decision making.

blueshoes · 13/05/2019 23:35

Yes, 'parenting' includes seeking a diagnosis following a history of failed chats/rants. It also includes taking an interest in her peer group and any negative influences and supporting her revision for her mocks.

mathanxiety · 13/05/2019 23:46

Yes to all of that.

Though blaming peers is not the way to go when poor decisions are made. Vulnerability to egging on by peers to the extent that you end up in hospital or risk being allowed to sit exams/being thrown out of an exam is another facet of poor decision making and poor risk assessment that are outside the norm.

Lifeandbeans · 14/05/2019 00:02

'I think the reason I’m reluctant is due to the fact that it’s usually my son in worse trouble rather than my daughter'

My daughter has SEN. She's no bother 99.9% of the time. In fact she was very well behaved at school until she had a complete meltdown a few months ago and things changed.
It is especially common for girls to miss diagnosis of SEN until they are teens as they can present very differently.

Whether you think it's SN or not you need a chat.

My diagnosed SEN child was told after year ten mocks that if she tapped or fidgeted during the real exams she would have all her scores voided. It made her extremely anxious and not see the point in it all.
If they can say that to a child with diagnosed SEN then I think you need to speak to school to see their opinion on this and speak to your DD.

The biggest thing I'm dreading is a child that can't help fidgeting tapping and losing her GCSEs.

Punxsutawney · 14/05/2019 06:27

Ilikechicken my Ds is currently being assessed for asd in year 10. Some children really do get to this age with undiagnosed sen after masking it for years. Of course that might not be the case for your daughter but it may be worth you looking into it.

Yogagirl123 · 14/05/2019 06:40

It’s what Mocks are for, to get experience of exam conditions. As long as DD has learned the lessons and won’t do this next year, it should be will be fine.

My DS is doing his actual GCSES now, someone in his year was kicked out the the exam yesterday, so making noise and arguing with the invigilator. She does have SEN issues, know idea how school with deal with the rest of the GCSES ahead.