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Secondary education

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Original poster

School refusing to call me when DD had a headache

151 replies

misscph1973 · 15/03/2019 12:14

Yesterday my 14 year old DD was in the medical room at school for 40 min. She had a headache, and the first aider gave her paracetamol. After 40 she was no better, but the first aider would not phone me, as she wasn't ill enough. My DD ended up texting me, I phoned the school and said I was going to collect her. When I arrived I was told that my DD was not allowed to contact me and that it would be marked as unauthorised absence. They suggested I get a note from the doctor if I want to pick her up in future against the advice of the first aider.

Surely they should have called me and let me me decide if my DD is ill enough for me to come and get her?

OP posts:
lablablab · 15/03/2019 21:55

" I presume you are a sahm."

Unnecessary, patronising and spiteful comment @choli

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 15/03/2019 22:58

I think some of the people commenting don't know what a bad headache is. I have suffered with headaches, and migraines, throughout my life (as does my younger son), and sometimes it isn't possible just to take a couple of paracetemol and carry on.

malmontar · 16/03/2019 09:10

@allpizzazgreatandsmall I completely agree with you. However, it is up to the parent to explain the situation to a school and I’ve seen the difference between kids who have an awful headache and just a headache. We had a child who was constantly in the medical room and had really strong migraine medicine for it. There are steps parents can take to explain these situations and more often than not schools are happy to oblige and even give kids a quiet room they can recover in. Picking your child up because they’ve texted you is not going to make you look like a cooperative parent.

katykins85 · 16/03/2019 09:17

Ridiculous overreaction on your part! As she's already at 96% attendance it won't take much more to start significantly impacting on her education. Witha headache I would have urged my dd to drink some water and try to carry on.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 16/03/2019 09:29

I understand the pressure on schools to keep attendance figures up, and am aware that there is a proven link between poor school attendance and exam grades.

But what benefit to exam grades is keeping unwell children in school?

teyem · 16/03/2019 09:35

As she's already at 96% attendance it won't take much more to start significantly impacting on her education.

Do we think that ill health might have an impact on education as much as the attendance? How much does a person learn with their head in their hands with a headache?

RedSkyLastNight · 16/03/2019 10:10

I'm unsure what OP would have done that required DD to go home. She'd had paracetomal. She was in the medical room - presumably somewhere quiet that she could rest. What would have happened at home that was different?

beenhereages1 · 16/03/2019 10:54

I would have phoned the school if DS1 had contacted me- but he is not the type to take time off school at all. It takes a lot to convince him that he isn't well enough to go. So if he contacted me, I'd know he was really feeling unwell.

DS2 is another matter.... Grin

CherryPavlova · 16/03/2019 10:57

A fourteen year old with a headache, given paracetamol? No, I’d expect them to wait twenty minutes and go back to class.

WombatChocolate · 16/03/2019 11:04

The thing is, the school has to have a policy for this - they do and they implement it. You need to support it.

The school is responsible for child during school day and has to make the decision about if a call home or sending home is needed. It cannot be the child who decides and they should not be ringing home. Children contacting home via mobile re health issues, homework, punishments etc etc which then result in parents getting involved or turning up are a nightmare. Trust the school. They do err on the side of caution to avoid your kind of complaints but sometimes judge that an illness does not need medication or contact with home. Trust that if there is a serious enough issue they will contact you. Support them, tell child to do as they have been told and not contact you as in this incident.

If you think there is a developing medical issue going on, keep school informed as investigations and outcomes appear. They will bear those things in mind when making judgments. So if DD turns out to be developing a headache pattern, if she presents with this, they will take it seriously. However you had not told them it’s was an issue so far, so their response could only be to the simple headache which preeented. Headaches often can be worked alongside or paracetamol and a rest can be enough to restore someone and often we do have to carry on with a headache. If it’s severe or a migraine that is different but your Dd clearly didn’t say it was one of these - she must clearly communicate if something is serious as they are not mind readers.

So if you are now thinking there might be a health issue beyond a simple headache here, pursue it with medics as you are. But don’t assume the school should have interpreted it as this today when all that was presented to them was a simple headache.

And know it’s entirely usual for lots of kids to present to medical rooms with minor ailments, to be sent straight back to class or to be given 20 mins to sit down and possibly some paracetamol and then sent back to class and a note made of it, but no contact with home made. This is usual and absolutely fine. They do err on the side of caution and if it doubt contact home. Your DD is 14. Let those in charge have the responsibility and make sure you and she support that. Part of growing up is knowing you don’t contact mummy about every little issue.

WombatChocolate · 16/03/2019 11:06

And again, if she felt seriously unwell she needed to tell school that and be clear. It was then she needed to tell, not you.

katykins85 · 16/03/2019 11:11

teyem don't be so melodramatic, its a few hours with a headache! You can't seriously be saying you advocate going home for a headache?! Do you leave work if you have one?! No, thought not!

teyem · 16/03/2019 11:14

I'm melodramatic when you're the one saying that she's approaching a 95% attendance education cliff edge?

OVienna · 16/03/2019 11:20

We've had the opp problem with the medical centre at DDs school acting like a departure lounge as soon as the child walks through the door. Private, so no real stats to consider. No I can't be there "within the hour" to collect when the last two times DD would have been perfectly able to stay on for the day. Children can self refer as well. Seriously terrified to exercise any judgement of their own. I can't believe they get away with it. Teachers can't overrule either.

katykins85 · 16/03/2019 11:22

teyem, she is 14, this means she is about to start GCSE's. Taking unnecessary time off for a headache is ridiculous and 2 weeks of the year missed could be the difference between passing and failing her exams.

teyem · 16/03/2019 11:25

And how much can you learn with a headache that cannot be shifted with paracetamol? Just being at school isn't enough.

katykins85 · 16/03/2019 11:29

You might suprise yourself if you try Smile

PCohle · 16/03/2019 11:34

It my experience school staff are excellent are telling the difference between kids that are genuinely ill and those that are malingering.

Undermining the school and teaching your PFB she doesn't have to even try and work through a mild illness isn't a great lesson in my book. Adults can't leave the office every time they have a headache or a slight cold.

Your DD can't call you every time something happens at school that she doesn't like.

teyem · 16/03/2019 11:35

Or, more likely, it's just an exercise in compliance and unproductive participation to fit arbitrary standards imposed on the school.

cauliflowersqueeze · 16/03/2019 11:37

yeah fuck it.

Headache? Send them home immediately.

By ambulance, preferably.

teyem · 16/03/2019 11:39

She had paracetamol and waited 40 minutes. I think that might be the point when you consider going home.

bullyingadvice2017 · 16/03/2019 11:53

It depends on the child/ school loads of stuff. If my son txt to say this I'd be there in a shot. He's not one for trying it on and would be reluctant to miss school for Anything.
If my daughter did (who's a real hypochondriac then I'd go with what the school say.
I once took her back later in the day after she got sent home faking it!!

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 16/03/2019 12:30

If the school gave your DD paracetamol then I would presume that it's prescribed for her which indicates that it may be more than just a normal infrequent headache. If so then your actions were not unreasonable.

Todaythiscouldbe · 16/03/2019 14:54

Not necessarily TheStar
My son's school will give paracetamol/Ibuprofen as long as we provide it and sign a form, that's pretty standard in secondary school. It doesn't need to be prescribed

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 16/03/2019 23:17

I had no idea that schools would give children paracetamol like that. My DC secondary school insisted that my older 2 DC had prescribed paracetamol to be left in school for when they had migraines. My younger DC primary school insisted that they would only give prescibed paracetamol on school trips for my DC joint condition.