School refusing to call me when DD had a headache

[misscph1973]

Yesterday my 14 year old DD was in the medical room at school for 40 min. She had a headache, and the first aider gave her paracetamol. After 40 she was no better, but the first aider would not phone me, as she wasn't ill enough. My DD ended up texting me, I phoned the school and said I was going to collect her. When I arrived I was told that my DD was not allowed to contact me and that it would be marked as unauthorised absence. They suggested I get a note from the doctor if I want to pick her up in future against the advice of the first aider.

Surely they should have called me and let me me decide if my DD is ill enough for me to come and get her?

@misscph1973 I would have done exactly the same. It's hardly encouraging a kid to leave midway through a GCSE exam is it?

Poor thing :( I run my business from home full time. Snarky remarks about you being able to go get here are so mean. No colleagues to cover you, no pay if you're ill, lots of pressure to get everything done yourself, more often than not working around the clock if you're a one (wo)man band etc - it isn't easier than working elsewhere and in my experience (though it isn't a competition at all) it's actually much harder! Hope she feels better soon!

*go get her

I agree with you @misscph1973

If your DD had poor attendance or was known for faking illness then fair enough but as she has good attendance and this is a rare occurrence the first aider should have taken her for her word and phoned you. To have to get a doctors note to authorise your own child's absence is such a waste of NHS resources (not your fault but the schools OP).

I would be annoyed if this happened to me.

Will a Dr give a note for a school child?

I wouldn't expect a phone call if dd had a headache. 96% attendance is actually nearly two weeks off over a year, so while it's not terrible, it's not amazing either. Anyway, maybe you need to fill school in on her migraines so they act differently next time OP. I wouldn't contact the Head tho, just let the office know.

Has anyone on this thread done a first aid course?

I have.

It qualified me to provide immediate aid while waiting for someone more qualified to turn up. Basically keep air and blood circulating, keep liquids inside body if possible, try to stop injured person from doing more damage to themselves. That’s basically it.

It didn’t qualify me to decide if headaches were serious or not.

40 minutes is absolutely not long enough for paracetamol to take full effect. Ibuprofen is often better for teen headaches, together with a caffeinated drink and something sugary.
Did the headache improve when she got home?

Thank you, ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow, I was certainnly surprised to be "accused" of being a SAHM!

clary, how do you work out that 96% attendance equals nearly 2 weeks off? I googled it, and it seems to be 7 days off. Personally I don't count the days my DD

CaseofEllen, agree it's ridiculous to get a note from GP. But that's what they want.

GemmeFatale, I did a "baby first aid course", and it did not qualify me to judge other people's headaches.

I started getting headaches and migraines when I was about 15. I remember it well. Visual disturbances, vomiting and unbelievable pounding headaches. It was hormonal changes and it did get better as I got older. I had to cut out cheese, chocolate and caffeine is not good either. Try cutting those out and see if it helps.

I do appreciate that schools can't call parents every time a child gets a headache, so if your Dr can give you a note to say she has been experiencing migraines then maybe that is a fair compromise. Hope you DD is okay.

As a life long sufferer of headaches and migraines (and in my experience a really bad headache can be worse than the pain of a migraine) I agree that there could be hormones causing or exacerbating the problem.

I’d advise making sure she is well hydrated and keeps a food diary, as well as noting down dates of her periods to see if there is a link. If it is continuing to impact on her day to day life, seeing her doctor might help. If they are caused by tension or stress, swimming and massages can help.

I was going to say what pp said 96% attendance at our school would mean a phone call home!
That said they are ridiculously strict about attendance.
If my daughter had a headache I would not collect her from school unless it was a migraine.
And I'm a sahm.

Oh gosh sorry but as someone who has worked in a school office you are such an annoying parent. The amount of time wasted when parents just turn up and say their child has texted them is disgraceful. I understand your child may have underlying issues but this is not something that’s cultural. If we let every headache child go home the school would be empty and everyone would be on the phone to parents. I can assure you once the school is aware of her issues they will make the necessary arrangements and let her go home when she has a migraine. Not really sure how going home would cure her headache though. Migraine is different. I would be talking to my child about texting you behind the schools back. You’re not teaching your child to have respect towards school staff and that’s not going to help her at all.

Sweet Jesus, I've heard it all now. Surprised you haven't called in the air ambulance.
She had a headache. She'd had paracetamol and was waiting for it to take effect. There is nothing more that she could have done at home than was already being done at school.
A headache, ffs.

misscph1973 - unless you had specifically contacted the school before this happened to inform them that your dd is suffering from extremely severe headaches/migraines at the moment which are being investigated by a doctor, and that you would appreciate it if you were contacted if your dd complained of a headache, then you are being extremely unreasonable. You clearly have no idea whatsoever of the high number of children who visit a secondary school medical room every day complaining of headaches. A headache is only exceptionally rarely serious unless accompanied by other symptoms. Also, here are not enough staff in the school to make that volume of telephone calls and continue dealing with the streams of children who, frankly, more often than not have little more wrong with them than a desire to miss PE, English or maths (the most common cause of the onset of most headaches...). With no other health concerns or symptoms, this is far too trivial an issue to contact a parent about after only 40 minutes. Besides which, you were also utterly unreasonable just to call the school and announce you would be picking your dd up without explaining why you thought the issue was so serious as to merit that response.

Schools really can’t win sometimes. I must admit my intiial thought is at 14 she should just get on with it if it’s just a headache. As others have said probably quite a lot of kids might also feign Illness to get to go home. I’d be really pissed off if my teenager’s school made me leave my work and go and collect him for a headache.

I did it in my head based on 95% of 39 weeks = slightly less than 10 (ie two weeks). So 96% is slightly better. I just did it on a calculator and it's actually 8.8 days so, yeah, not miles out.

We send out attendance letters every term: green if above 97%, amber if 94-96 and red if 93 or below. So 96% is a concern to schools.
When you agreed for your child to go to that school, you also agreed to follow the school rules. You chose not to.
Has your GP actually given you a note for a headache? I'd be amazed if they did. I hope you didn't waste their valuable time by booking an appointment to ask for one.

We don't have time to phone every time a child visits the medical room. Lots of factors involved in whether we do or don't but please remember a) schools are hugely under resourced and don't have the capacity for someone full time to do this and b) we are experienced in looking after both genuinely unwell children and "sick bay rangers".

A minor headache that was treated with a headache doesn't sound like it warranted being collected.

It is really frustrating when kids just text home and their parents arrive to collect them. We will often go and check on them in lesson and they'll be sat smiling and laughing and absolutely fine. We've now banned phones during school hours and it is much better.

We genuinely care about children and would never intentionally deny them appropriate treatment or care - but sending kids home at the first sign of minor illness is not productive.

Ps misscph, before a parent is contacted, it is likely the medical officer would want to talk to the child's pastoral support for the year, or if unavailable, their form tutor or year head - someone who knows them well, knows if they have any particular issues which might be affecting them and thus the appropriate response to their complaint. By swooping in to take your dd home with nothing more than a headache (I'm sure you would have mentioned if your dd has subsequently vomited or been rushed into hospital) because your dd was frankly manipulative by breaking school rules to bypass normal procedure for a headache, you did no-one any favours. You should not have insisted on taking your dd home - you should have asked to speak to pastoral support, instead, so that the severity of the problem could be properly clarified and you didn't come across as an unreasonable, neurotic parent.

And schools challenge attendance because we have a responsibly to. Our data shows as soon as they drop below 95%, their average progress drops dramatically. We are here to ensure your kids are happy and safe but also to get an education. If we don't challenge poor attendance and it falls and they don't achieve - we are responsible. And it's important this is preventative, so yes you might get a phone call or a letter after not a lot of time off, but it's an opportunity to explain the importance and make sure everything is ok and put extra support in if necessary.

96% attendance is not great but the headache is a separate issue anyway. 40 minutes is not really long enough to start to feel better in my experience so she could have stuck it out longer. I would expect most parents to be pretty annoyed to be asked to come and pick up a teenager in the middle of the day with a headache. Distinguishing between a headache and a migraine should be quite easy.

My DD had a prolonged illness last year with a phased return to school after two weeks off (GP's advice)The school Matron and Head of House knew all the details of this. On her first full day back at school I told DD I didn't think she was well enough but she insisted on going in. As predicted she wasn't well enough and rang me after her first lesson to say she didn't feel well. I instructed her to come straight home rather than go to the nurse as I knew full well they'd try to keep her there and not inform me as they hadn't when the illness started. I emailed the school to say she was coming home and the reason why. Yet matron decided to call me and demand I bring her back so she could decide if she was well enough to be there! I made it clear it was my decision and her opinion had no bearing on it. My child, my decision. There's over a 1000 students in DD's school, it's not for a school nurse who's met her once amongst all those pupils to decide on her ability to be at school.

I think your remark about your daughter "now agreeing" to eat and drink more is relevant. Sounds as though she is not keeping herself as well as she could, and allowing her to self medicate with paracetamol instead of eating and drinking properly has not helped matters.

viques makes a good point. Do you think she's regularly skipping meals or getting dehydrated? Either of those things will give me a splitting headache.

I would have picked up my child too. You know your daughter.