Dear All,
As you can see, the ungodly hour I am writing this means that I am stressed out if my eyeballs with worry.
Dd (currently yr7) is at a great private which she is flourishing at. She's been there since Yr2 and is very involved in every aspect. Drama and music scholar, but also very sporty (County at 2 sports) and bright- top set all round. She's in a very strong friendship group and is very loved.
Things were finely balanced. DH's wages pay household and running of, my wages pay school fees. The last year we have had a massive change of circumstance. I have had I'll health resulting in horribly long hospital stays, our youngest ds has been put on the radar for sen, so all in all, I took the decision to stay at home (he is pre-school) and spend more time with him. This has resulted in him making leaps and bounds with his communication and cognitive development. I'm over the moo and he is much happier and calmer. Middle ds (yr1) is making huge leaps because I am at home to read and spell with him and he is like a different child. So much more secure, less anxious and is loving school finally- reception he cried every single day. I feel like if I were to return to my very high pressured, long hours, long commute job, I would be throwing both boys under a bus. I have simply loved being home with them and to be there for when Dd comes home too.
Here comes the massive problem: we just simply cannot afford dd's school fees. Not even a little bit. I've been sticking my head in the sand this term hoping that money would some how magically appear out of my arse, but to no avail.
I'm going to sort out some part time, school(ish) hours work. Ds's school has no breakfast club and limited afterschool so options are limited.... but it will in now way make a dent in the school fees, plus... I'd actually like to live a bit. We haven't been on a holiday in years and we are always balancing every last penny. Our house is in desperate need of repairs, but there's just no money. Private school is a total pipe dream unless I am working to the point I barely see my children. We are very rural so everything takes so much longer and is so much further away- we can't move, tied to family property and could not afford to buy elsewhere.
Im just so sick of worrying about it. I'm up most nights. DH going to talk to bursar today, but we don't hold out much hope. They are a tightly run unit and have a strict 'no more than 50%' policy- which she is already on. I don't know of anyone who has ever exceeded it.
So I am looking at the local state today. The school looks great and is outstanding, but is in an incredibly rough town and there have been rumours of County lines drugs and there was recently a stabbing type incident in the school. I know no one at the school so can't find any further information beyond what is in the papers.
Both DH and I were privately educated so we are stupidly institutionalised. I'm terrified that she will be unsafe or bullied horrendously. That's no reflection on state education, just my own ridiculous ignorance.
If she moves at the end of year 7 will she be bullied for being the new girl? Will she settle OK? She's so funny and beautiful and I love her so much, but I cannot go bankrupt just to keep her at school. How do I go about all of this?
It feels like [redacted]'s choice. Either I risk my Dd potentially being unhappy (or she could flourish???... Some private to state success stories would be really appreciated) or I feel like I'm abandoning my boys to keep her in a school that we cannot realistically afford anyway.
I'm so so sorry if this is rambly nonsense, but I've been up since 1am with it all going round and round my head whilst googling 'local state school drugs/grooming/bullying'.
We should have pulled her at the end of year six, but we're swept up in the scholarships/ we can do this if we knuckle down/ isn't it lovely wave...
Please tell me that it's all going to be OK. I'm exhausted.
Identifying information edited by MNHQ