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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Are private schools worth the money?

54 replies

Lionfish37 · 15/01/2019 12:18

Hi, this is my first post but I have lurked for a while!

My DD (16) wants to go to boarding school for 6th form, leaving her very good local comprehensive, great extra curricular opportunities and some fabulous friends. She has secured a scholarship and large bursary at the school of her choice but we would still have to pay a significant sum of money which we could probably only just afford.

We like the school she has chosen and am sure she would thrive there, but as neither my husband or I have been privately educated we’re not sure that it’s worth the fees that could be used for her at university or towards a deposit on a house. (The fees would come from inheritance not disposable income so can’t be replenished).

Is it worth investing in her future now or save the money for later in her life?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 15/01/2019 12:21

Yes they are!

My sister is very intelligent and went to a private school for 6th form and it opened so many doors for her. They offered subjects and the support from teaching staff that allowed her to go to St Andrews university (which would have been nearly impossible at her local grammar) .

Her private school also has an alumni type set up and at one of their events, she met someone who suggested she apply for a graduate scheme with the home office which she is now on and enjoying.

Her connections from the private school also helped her secure some great work placements during ehr studies including time with a top London law firm and a frim out in China over the summer.

If I had the money, I'd send DD in a heartbeat

RiverTam · 15/01/2019 12:23

why does she want to go there? Hard to say without first understanding her rationale.

Original poster

Lionfish37 · 15/01/2019 12:36

She wants to go for several reasons. Firstly, the school is academically strong which would suit her. The sport is also a major factor as she plays two sports to a high level and they would support her with this. Finally, I think she just wants a change! She knows several people at this school who are all very happy there and believes that she will be too.

The school is only about an hour away but she’d board full time. She would have to come home every other weekend for training so she wouldn’t be gone for the term!

All opinions and advice welcome, my husband doesn’t see the point at all but I can see her making the most of every opportunity and thriving.

OP posts:

RiverTam · 15/01/2019 13:45

then I would do it - sport is one area in particular where the opportunities at an indie can far outweigh a state.

BasiliskStare · 15/01/2019 15:43

I would say think of it as what it is for the time it is - i.e. carpe Diem. She could get just as good exam results elsewhere. & many do.

There are so many threads re private vs state schools. My advice would be if you are happy for that money to be spent for 2 years and she will love it , do it. Don't do it on a prayer that it will make her future. DS ( for context was independent school ) but lots of friends at ( very well regarded ) university were state school alumni or similar. Many who paid no fees got just as good university results as dd he ( DS) - no surprise there - But then I do not begrudge the money we spent for various reasons.

Original poster

Lionfish37 · 15/01/2019 16:16

Thank you for your opinions. I guess we’ll let DD decide providing she accepts that she won’t have the financial support through uni if she’s already spent the money.
Xx

OP posts:

RiverTam · 15/01/2019 16:19

I don't think that's a big problem - she can take out the student loads and you only start paying them off after your salary hits a certain point - I think Martin Lewis (Money Saving Expert man) has some advice about this but I think he thinks it's not an issue.

LaurelAndMardy · 15/01/2019 16:29

By the sounds of it she chose the school and has good reasons to want to go there - so she sounds quite driven and clear minded so would really benefit from all the extra opportunities you get there.

Private schools are good at helping with the university stuff and all the extras so should stand her in good stead for getting into competitive universities etc.

You sound like the money isn’t definitely there though, is it ok?

BubblesBuddy · 15/01/2019 16:43

I am rather confused about the financial situation here. You say it is an inheritance. Is it hers or yours? Assuming you received it, were you not planning to support her through university at all prior to this money arriving? Even if she stayed at the comp, were you not going to hand over any money whilst she was at university? It seems a bit odd to say the money is an inheritance but at the same time you say you can only just afford the reduced fees! Which is it?

Neither my DH nor I went to independent school. Our DDs both boarded and school was about 45 minutes from home. You already know what some of the advantages are but there is far more to boarding than exam results. These may or may not be as good as where she is. However, what you are paying for is a broader education with wider, and often different, opportunities. Boarding ensures friendships and bonds are close. It is a way of life that the girls share in the boarding house. It is excellent prep for university. Every 6th former can do more at school because they are boarding and that opens up opportunities. We saw our DDs frequently because they were in music productions, choir and drama. They were not sporty but, as parents, we were engaged with their lives at school. The Houses often had events for parents and, as you will be close, you can take advantage of anything on offer to parents. Other parents watched every sports match!

I can see that, as my DDs move into their careers, that they are at ease with all people, have confidence and great support from all their friends. They too, give back that support and encouragement.

I would review your decision (if I have understood you) that you will not contribute to university. She has a fantastic offer from this school and you should use your earned income to supoort her through university as nearly everyone else does. She should take out loans like everyone else too. The bequest is good luck and I assume you did not think about that as a reason for Dd to go to university. I am sure she would have been aiming for university anyway - so support her.

pinefresh · 15/01/2019 17:00

Do you know much about the social culture of the school? Any ideas about whether your daughter will 'fit in', or be able to keep up with the lifestyle? I'm not saying that this will be an issue; I simply raise it because we might be making a similar state/private decision from a similar background, and it's one of the factors that I think about...

BubblesBuddy · 15/01/2019 17:17

You really do not need to worry about background. If you are on a bursary, you know you won't be the same, financially, as others. You will, however, have a DC who is great academically and cantake advantage of what is on offer. No onejudges your background. Noone knows your back ground. Your money is as good as anyone else's!

I never gave it a moment's thought. My DDs were as good as any other DD. They did not have the ultimate in holidays etc but plenty of others didn't either. If you are not particularly well off, there may be a few schools to avoid, but very few. Mostly you will be accepted as just another set of parents and your DC will also be accepted. No one is especiaaly looking at you or what you can afford, or not afford. They really do not!

RomanyRoots · 15/01/2019 17:20

It really does depend on the school. We pay a percentage I'm not sure I'd want to pay the full whack even if we could afford it, but that's because it's such a lot of money for an education.

Some private schools are really no better than a good state school, some are worse and a complete waste of your money.

SalrycLuxx · 15/01/2019 17:28

If she wants to go and your focus is in the sports provision and higher academic achievement- then yes, I’d do it.

BubblesBuddy · 15/01/2019 17:29

If you would not pay for it, why is your DC there Romany? Is it just a financial gain and the kudos?

BubblesBuddy · 15/01/2019 17:29

I would not send my DC to a school I would not pay the full whack for!

SalrycLuxx · 15/01/2019 17:29

But be clear whether you actually think the academic provision is superior. Not all private schools are better than the relevant state alternative.

RomanyRoots · 15/01/2019 17:49

Bubbles

She'd never speak to me again had I said no.
It's a good school, perfect for her, but there are poor state schools that would serve her just as well, academically.
She's not there for the academics though, so I suck it up.
She loves it and is thriving though, so no complaints.
I just think 32k is a lot of money and considerably more than our household income.

Boyskeepswinging · 15/01/2019 19:25

But be clear whether you actually think the academic provision is superior. Not all private schools are better than the relevant state alternative.

This. A gazillion times over. Look carefully at the A level results from both schools and the destinations of both schools' leavers.

Also, if attending her current comprehensive entitles her to get contextual offers from universities don't forget she will lose this if she attends a private school.

BubblesBuddy · 15/01/2019 20:20

Why is she not at school for the academics, Romany? Is it a performing arts school?

If the local schools are poor, then how come she would do well there? If their value added and progress are negative, she wouldn’t do well there! She wouldn’t do as well as she could. You should be delighted she is getting something special for which others are probably scrimping to find the money. Many bursaries are paid by the other parents who are paying full fees. The ones you think are a bit stupid for paying!

Happysummer · 15/01/2019 20:58

I'm a little confused. Surely you have paid to apply, been through a full financial scrutiny, had entrance exams/interviews to attend to get the offer. Why did you allow your daughter to do this if not prepared to let her accept an offer?

I'm of the opinion opportunity should be grabbed. I'd take it for my DD. You don't know what the future holds and she may not need the money for a house if she does so well with a career or chosen sport. From everything I've read, sport is best at indy schools, with nearly half of professional athletes coming from the 7% in private schools!!

Abra1de · 15/01/2019 21:01

Boarding school for very busy and outgoing sixth formers can work very well. Once, driving home from a play rehearsal at 10pm and finding all the local roads flooded, meaning a long detour, my then 16-year-old said she wished her school could let her sleep there during the week as she was so tired but didn’t want to give anything up. She said something similar several times after this.

Not an option for us, though.

Original poster

Lionfish37 · 15/01/2019 21:13

Thanks for all your responses. Her current comprehensive has very good a level results, but not in all the subjects DD wants to take. One department is consistently below the national average and nothing is done about it unfortunately. The school qualifies for contextual offers some years and not others. As I have no idea how this is decided I don’t have any clue whether DDs year would qualify?

Just to clarify BubblesBuddy, DD was left this money with the intention of it being used to improve her future. Other grandchildren have used it as their University fund, but DD wants to use it for 6th form. We’ve not been in a position to save for our DDs university costs, and to be honest the pressure was off while this inheritance was on the table. We would support her as much as possible when the time came, and appreciate that the majority of students leave with debts that are only paid off once they earn over a certain threshold.

We’ve spoken to DD again tonight and she really wants to go. She is adamant that she won’t mind being one of the ‘poorer’ students and that she’ll be too busy with school work and sport to have much time to be spending money (this is true at the moment too). I will miss her so much that I don’t want her to go, but can’t allow my feelings to influence what is right for her.
Xx

OP posts:

Happysummer · 15/01/2019 21:43

Lionfish I think you have your answer 😀. Good luck to you daughter.

pinefresh · 15/01/2019 21:43

She sounds like a very switched on young woman. You must be very proud of her. I'm sure she'll do well wherever she eventually decides to go.

moredoll · 15/01/2019 21:48

Total waste of the money imo. She'd be much better using it as a deposit for s flat after uni, or using it to help finance an internship to kick-start her career.

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