Private school - how do you afford it?

[worriedandstressedAAA]

In the process of applying to various private schools for DS as the local state secondary is pretty dire. Doing the sums now and, whilst we can afford to send one child, sending two children (DS2 is in year 4) is going to be very tight. I need to go through the sums in more detail but basically think it is doable with a lot of sacrifices, stress and worry. I am divorced so my ex and I will try to share the fees. We are both middle class professionals living in London. I earn 130k p.a. and DH around 90k. I think it's the fact that we are divorced that is making it so difficult as we are basically paying for 2 households. How does everyone else afford it? It's a sh*t load of money.

I would do it the other way round and prioritise saving for later years / sixth form - up to a third of private 6th forms come from the State sector. If you are already shelling out for private tutoring to bolster state provision you could carry on with that to give the safety net of knowing the DCs are progressing.

If your ex is on board with private education could you and he set up a joint prepayment account so that you know the funds are in place in addition to the £40k you have?

Hi just to add that I second the comment about hiring a tutor. I am a private tutor and I had a student last year doing GCSEs whose parents had pulled him out of private and instead invested in tutoring. This worked out excellently for him and he massively exceeded his predicted grades.

I never understand the thinking behind the "move them for 6th form advice".

Firstly, 6th form is the worst value for money in that you pay 6 terms fees for 5 terms teaching. It also has less teaching hours than any other school year. Add to this the cost of paying for exam entries etc in the final terms bill and it is by far the most expensive for the least return of any of the school years.

And I've never understood why anyone would move a pupil who has achieved fantastic results at a state school to private for 6th form unless it is for specific subject choices. Just why? Whatever happened to the idea if it aint broke don't fix it?

Also, by the time they are 17/18 they should be well and truly independent learners and capable of working on their own. Good A level results are dependent on someone being able to sit and work on their own, and or with a study group, outside of the classroom. Nobody gets top grade A level results by just working in the classroom.

IME 6th formers with free lessons are used extensively by schools to take potential customers/pupils around on open days, exam days, interview days etc. DS's school had 7+,8+,9+,10,11+,13+ and 16+ entry it was endless. These schools often also run "charity" compulsory voluinteering schemes and 6th formers are sent to help or annoy local state school teachers so that the private school can justify their charitable tax status.

IME 6th form is the worst value for money of any school fees and I just cannot understand why anyone would move then.

Following your logic you would just keep them State altogether though surely cake? I wouldn't rule out moving for year 10 onwards but if cost were a concern then I struggle to understand prioritising Y7/8. Even the teen peer pressure issues don't kick in properly till Y9 onwards.

I would keep them state rather than move them at that age because I can't see any advantage in moving them., for the GCSE years they are all studying the same subjects, using the same text books and sitting the same exams. Private schools should have smaller classes but the teaching is not necessarily better. You get crap teachers in both systems and if you get one you will end up with a tutor if you can't do it yourself. If a child is doing well and settled at a school it makes far more sense to leave them there and top up with tutoring rather than have them settle in somewhere new.

I''m not anti private schools, I have 2 DCs in and one finished at extremely good Indys but at the end of the day they are just schools. What happens at home is far more important.

I'd say only keep them state if it really is a good school. That can cater adequately for the academic cohort your child is in. That they are not being short-changed to meet targets to bolster weaknesses elsewhere and that there is strong leadership and experience for when things fall down the cracks.

As someone who only ever went to terrible state schools (as in required improvements ancient or failing), the scars and impact on me has been lasting well into adulthood as I was academic in an environment where I was practically ignored and I was a minority. One never forgets a crap education. And the hurdles both soft skills, character development, cultural capital, depth of subject knowledge, all these things I had to work really really hard...to close the gap at 6th form, uni then my early career days. Going to a shit school is crippling. If I didn't have a bloody good comp or grammar school it would be 100% private for me no doubt. So whatever choice you make, you will do it for the right reasons because the wrong ones IMO - weighs far more heavily on the disadvantage scale & life impact. Sorry crap English as typing quickly on mobile.

What I have actually found hardest is doing all the tutoring/prep with DS1, who is v reluctant to study.
Yes, same here. I am not a fluent English speaker, and therefore cannot do the prep myself (not even mentioning rarely being home before 8pm) - have to involve a tutor now for 7+, and the cost makes my eyes water.
My children are younger (KS1 and pre-school), but the education topic gives me real anxiety. I lived a very sheltered life since arriving to the UK - university, a techy City career, private nursery for the children put me in a social bubble and I was in total awe about how educated and eloquent British people are, so was convinced that my children will do absolutely fine. It was a real discovery for me when I started looking into the school system that the majority of people I knew and admired went to one of the top private schools, often boarding. Something that probably would be blindingly obvious to a British person, but I somehow managed to remain oblivious all these years
And then, when my oldest started in the local state primary school, I had another shock as to the education levels and lifestyle choices when I started getting closer with the parent population. I could not believe how such class divide is possible at all, and I figured out that private schooling might be the easiest door to a social lift - I cannot really give my children anything else, there are no connections, assets, relatives, nothing, and zero financial or non-financial help from elsewhere. Or maybe I am mistaken about how it all works, and will just put myself into a 15-year-long fee slavery for nothing? Should I be militant now about them learning an instrument / participating in sports so that their chances of getting a scholarship increase? Am I destroying their future by letting them watch one extra cartoon instead of practising non-verbal reasoning? I don't know.
Pretty much deciding now which kidney to sell.
Sorry for the rant, it was the first day back to school today and all the feelings of not fitting in came back suddenly and very sharply.

Silver cuckoo - you are living in the wrong area. The state school near me has every other parent as a doctor or lawyer or accountant. If that won’t do for your child then you are just a snob!

If that won’t do for your child then you are just a snob!
I am sorry if it came across like that, I don't really have a specific preference for the parents' occupations :) As I say, I was living a sheltered life of a shrinking violet - the first time in my life when I socially met an active drug addict, or an ex-convict was in the class parents' group. Probably it made a disproportional impression on me.

redsky that is actually kind of the Op's problem too . She has £800k equity in her house. She could sell up and move to where I am, buy a 4 bed executive des res in a top schooling area and send her DC to state school with all the DC of the professions for £400k outright and put the other £400k in the bank. She could then put her feet up / work PT / start her own hobby business and be at home to avoid childcare / tutoring costs and still be getting child support from her ex DH. She would be able to draw her corporate pension to top up her lump sum by the time her DC leave home.

Alternatively the Op could move her and the 2 approaching teenage DC to a City Flat for £800k and be mortgage free. This would make 2 lots of £20k school fees from an £80k take home plus ex DH child support easily affordable.