Private school - how do you afford it?

[worriedandstressedAAA]

In the process of applying to various private schools for DS as the local state secondary is pretty dire. Doing the sums now and, whilst we can afford to send one child, sending two children (DS2 is in year 4) is going to be very tight. I need to go through the sums in more detail but basically think it is doable with a lot of sacrifices, stress and worry. I am divorced so my ex and I will try to share the fees. We are both middle class professionals living in London. I earn 130k p.a. and DH around 90k. I think it's the fact that we are divorced that is making it so difficult as we are basically paying for 2 households. How does everyone else afford it? It's a sh*t load of money.

Yes BlueUggs (and others) but what the OP is saying is that the running of 2 homes is what is making it unaffordable.

And having two children rather than one; and a large mortgage. Different circumstances for everyone.

Knowing the extra info I’m leaning towards you going for it now.
But you need to account for it properly
What is your household income (with you and your new dh plus/minus any ex income or payments)?
What is your mortgage? What does new dh pay towards this?
What proportion of school fees would ex pay? Half isn’t fair given you earn more than him but it depends on what maintainance is already paid?

You are asking if you can afford it but you haven’t yet worked out income and cost of it properly yet as between the three of you.

You may be running two houses, but on your salary alone you should still be able to afford it. DH earns similar to you, I don't work, we sent 2 x DD's private, and live in Surrey. Many of my friends are in similar salary brackets and send 2, 3 or 4 (!) kids to private school. You make your choice and have to cut your cloth. You have some savings which is useful, and believe me, we and our friends have all been out of work at times too, yes it is scary, but your can't predict what life will throw at you, and you may regret not going for it.

We are not too dissimilar in situation, we both have London jobs and we earn a touch more than you. We worked out that even it's still way cheaper to move even with moving costs, cosmetic redecoration, stamp duty legal costs etc. You are looking at 7 years of school fees at London prices. We have 2 and decided it wasn't fair just to send 1 to private school. So we went down the grammar school route ...padded the exam and swiftly moved into catchment legitimately and have put our investments into pensions, saving for Uni and property.

You are looking at a decade in the private sector, six years with two children attending. It is a huge investment. We did not change cars, have expensive holidays etc. Do not forget the school trips, school uniform etc.

I am not sorry we did it, but it is a lot of money. Third son off to uni. next year for three years so we are still paying out for a while yet. The two oldest do have very good jobs, oldest running his own company now.

Older, either your mortgage or your fees must be lower than OPs then. She earns £130k which is £78k after tax. Less if she pays into a pension. £2500 per month mortgage, which is £30k per year. If she spends £40k per year on school fees (2 children) they have £8k a year to live on (food, bills, clothes, transport). Not doable.

Instead of moving and paying £100k in stamp duty could you move to an interest-only or offset mortgage deal for a few years? We did that on a fixed 5 year offset to give us some breathing space for school fees.

But I would caution that school fees rise way above inflation. Thankfully in our last year of fees, but currently paying nearly £8.5k a term for a 'top' London indie.

We have four, and even with 2 of us on low 6 figure salaries, with mortgage, nursery fees, childcare costs, we realised 4x school fees wasn't doable without making life pretty tight and miserable. We moved out to Kent and (so far) have 3 in superselective grammars (from state primaries), whose results and extracurricular activities are on a par with the schools my privately educating friends pay for. We ski, go on foreign holidays, pay for a myriad of activities and opportunities for the children, which wouldn't have been doable if we were paying x 4 for private fees. I wouldn't screw yourself down financially if you don't have to. As someone upthread said, the pension increases are going to push fees way above the usual 10% a year, inflation busting rises.

We earn the same as you OP and go state. Could do fees if we had to but god life is so much better not having to.

Thanks all. We would, of course, do grammar if at all possible but it wasn't possible for DS. None of the kids in his school got in and it's a well regarded outstanding primary, even the super bright kids (which DS isn't) didn't get in.

The responses on this thread seem pretty split between going for it and moving so still in a bit of a quandry. As one poster said, I thought I may regret it if I didn't at least give him the chance which is why we went ahead with the applications and exams (still two more to go in January). TBH, I am not sure he will end up with ANY offers given how oversubscribed these schools are so my plan was to wait and see what offers he gets before we make a final decision. I have, for the last year, being driving myself crazy thinking we should move house (I viewed a million properties) but never went ahead with it as too much upheaval and not convinced it was worth the cost. We would be moving to a smaller property in an area further out of London and overpaying just to get in catchment so it's not a straightforward decision. I suppose I am getting cold feet at the thought of having to find 6k every term and also now thinking that we will need to go through the entire process with DC2 in 2 years whereas if we just move it is pretty much sorted.

Panicmode, 4 x school fees definitely isn't affordable for us unless they don't attend at the same time. 4 lots of school fees is 80k p.a. so completely out of the question!

Also, we would only send each of the DCs for the 5 years at secondary then go state for 6th form. Loads of good state 6th form near us.

Some good alternative suggestions posted here including doing something with the mortgage. Not sure about offsetting but wondering if I could borrow more or get a secured loan if I need to. Or is that more madness?

OhtheRoses, your comments are spot on. Local state comp is exactly that. It should be a lot better and people are always a bit miffed that it isn't. It may be ok and could be a last resort but it is far from my top choice for either DC.

Regarding paying for private, yes, the plan would be to try to pay for DS1 out of income and keep the savings until DC2 starts. It's possible (but far from definite) that grandparents may contribute a bit but I can't rely on that. Just worried about what happens if I lose my job! And it's so much money to find every term.

How much do you want to do it is really the answer. Tightening the belt, some things will have to give in. However you can afford it(we are in a very similar situation). Your DS2 might be able to make to grammar, you might get a promotion. There is saving for tough time, a large equity with the house. Although, everyone says independent schools dont automatically solve all the problems or be able to turn the kids suddenly into well rounded, happy children, there is no guarantee. You will have to chip in as much even more for the money to worth it. So paying the fee doesnt automatically solve the problem. If you live in SW London like me there are just so many good independent school choices, so much more than state and we also only have 1 grammar school which my oustanding primary didnt send any kid in last year.

Greensleeve, I think it will depend on what schools DS gets offers from, if any. There are two schools that I love that I think would be perfect for him and which I think it would be worth the stress of paying fees. Our two back-up options, much less so and I would have to weigh up very carefully the advantages of sending him there v local state secondary. Thing is, if our local state secondary was better, then it would be an easy decision not to send him private. I just think the local state secondary is not going to work for either of them.

Do you mind me asking which independent schools you were referring to in SW london? Probably too far for us as we are north but we had a struggle finding suitable schools for DS that are not massively over subscribed. Our two favourites are not academic hothouses at all but very popular so I am not holding out much hope of getting an offer.

I know going private does not solve all the issues at all. Just have a feeling that DS would do a lot better in that environment than in the local secondary. I did think about sending him to the local school but worried he will fall into a bad crowd and am certain that he will coast academically. Have heard numerous reports from parents at this school about various failings, serious lack of progress. Just seems such a wasted opportunity.

I think you should start state and move if necessary at yr 9/10. You may be surprised at how many opportunities come up in these years. Save the money for later. I wd say 6th form is a key time to switch to indy or grammar. Spend your money to plug the gaps with tutors

If funding all the way through to 18 will be a struggle, I would much prefer spending money now and consider state for 6th form to the other way around, though I know it's a more expensive option...

If private education is important to you and you can't find 40k p/a out of 220k then you're spending too much on yourselves.

Completely agree. We did fees for years and never drove a banger, sacrificed our standard of living or stopped saving. That’s with a reasonable sized London mortgage too.

OP - Is there any chance your DS will get a scholarship? I hadn’t realised that they are just assigned (through exam performance) rather than applied for like music or sports scholarships, or like bursaries. Some schools go up to 50%, some max out at 20%, other don’t do scholarships at all (I know now, having looked it up) - what’s the situation for the schools you’re applying for?

Amma, I can assure you that I am definitely not spending too much on myself. Cannot recall the last time I bought myself anything! Look up the chain to see the breakdown of income and outgoings. I wish it was the case that I was wasting a load of money as pretty easier to cut back. Can I ask if you were running 2 households (2 large, London mortgages) and paying for 2 lots of fees at the same time? The issue here is the fact that DH and I are divorced so 2 households. If we were together then it would have been affordable fairly easily as they'd be at least another 2-3k per month in the pot.

Two at a London private here.

I love their school - but however great it is, it would never be worth the stress if now knowing whether we could see it through.

How do we afford it? Married and had kids late in life. So had two London properties which nearly paid off when we met and two good salaries.

An interesting observation of the school parents is that there is a very low divorce rate. I am sure there are some. But I can’t think of any on either of my sons class.

That may be a big factor as running two households is a huge expense and parents need to work together to prioritise the fees.

The other interesting fact is that quite a few parents separated as dc left 6th form. Very sad for some of the children's friends.

Solidarity, you are not divorced though, right, so only one household? I think that is the key issue here that is making it more difficult. Good for the kids inheritance, bad for cash flow!

Re scholarships, DS is very sporty but not in the sports in which the school offers scholarships, which seems to be football or cricket in most cases. However, it says that to be considered, candidates need to be performing at a county or regional level which DS isn't although he is extremely good at swimming and gymnastics and very good at tennis.