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Secondary education

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Original poster

Private school - how do you afford it?

135 replies

worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 00:25

In the process of applying to various private schools for DS as the local state secondary is pretty dire. Doing the sums now and, whilst we can afford to send one child, sending two children (DS2 is in year 4) is going to be very tight. I need to go through the sums in more detail but basically think it is doable with a lot of sacrifices, stress and worry. I am divorced so my ex and I will try to share the fees. We are both middle class professionals living in London. I earn 130k p.a. and DH around 90k. I think it's the fact that we are divorced that is making it so difficult as we are basically paying for 2 households. How does everyone else afford it? It's a sh*t load of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 10:30

Thanks all, very interesting. Just to be clear, I meant my ex (not DH) is on 90k. My current partner in on 45k but was don't share any costs. My ex and I would cover this between us. House is worth around 1.3 million and I have a mortgage of just less than 500k which is around 2.5k per month plus bills. My net pay after deductions for tax, NI, pension etc is £5,600. I get usually 18k per year bonus, 11k after tax, all of which would be put towards school fees. It would be very tight.

I hear all those saying to move. This was plan B but when you look at stamp duty and other moving costs, it basically amounts to the same as private school fees for one child. As others have said, I am also not sure I can rely on my ex to pay his share and he is already being flaky about how much he can contribute. Moving does seem easier but that will also cost. Not sure what to do. My latest plan was to wait and see what offers for privates DS gets and then decide. Our favourite schools are massively oversubscribed so if we only end up with offers from our back-up schools is may be better to move than to fork out a fortune on schools that are not our top choice. That said, we don't really want to move at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 10:32

Also, my mortgage was a lot less but I had to remortgage to pay my ex off as part of our divorce, so that I could keep the house. i could kill my ex for having an affair and then split as the 2 households issue it what is making this unaffordable.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 10:39

Also to add that my ex has the DC EOW. We looked at state options near him and they are worse than the options here.

So is the general consensus to move house? I feel more comfortable with this idea but only want to do it if really necessary. I keep thinking that I should be able to afford it given my income but in reality the money just isn't there. We have a decent but I certainly wouldn't say extravagant lifestyle.

OP posts:
mammmamia · 29/12/2018 10:41

Could you apply for a bursary? Sounds like you would have been fine to afford it if you weren’t running 2 households.

Biologifemini · 29/12/2018 10:44

It will be tight
You need at least x2 years fees in the bank in case of a change of circumstances.
Fees also rise about 5% per year
I’d move outside of whatever city you are in too.
If you ex h changes his mind you will be in trouble

ourkidmolly · 29/12/2018 10:53

I think it's too tight for 2. Grammars? Where are you in London?

ourkidmolly · 29/12/2018 10:54

That's a massive mortgage for one person too. Stressful in itself.

OhTheRoses · 29/12/2018 11:15

Moving costs more than one child's fees but you have two children. You could buy a nice house 10 miles out for £950k reduce mortgage and have no fees.

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 11:19

Sorry to drip feed. I have 40k saved so just over 2 years fees. Not enough though.

Is it a bad idea to send DS1 to a private school for 2 years then move in time to get DC2 into a good state secondary then move DS1 in on a sibling place? Part of my reluctance to move is i) massive upheaval, love our house and this area and ii) DS1 is quite immature and may benefit from a smaller more nurturing environment in private school for 2 years or so. Is this a crazy plan?

Tried one grammar and didn't get in. Noone did from DS's school which isn't surprising as it's one of the top grammars in the country. There is another one we didn't try and glad we didn't as over 2000 applicants and noone I know from DS's school, or our other local school, got in.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 29/12/2018 11:23

No that's not a good idea. You can move state to private but not private to state. Never works ime The older one won't want to leave and you will give in and the younger will resent you forever. Maybe an 11-13 prep but how will you cope with demanding job and a prep off the beaten track?

ourkidmolly · 29/12/2018 11:24

How committed is your ex to this? Might he have more children with new partner? It's difficult when you're relying on someone else like that? I guess worse case you can sell up and move if it becomes untenable. Does he know you have the cash saved. I'd be trying to pay for it out of your income and leave cash as buffer. Not mention it to him. Also are you sure school is worth it? Some privates aren't great. Will he get in?

ourkidmolly · 29/12/2018 11:26

Private for two years total bad idea. Forget that. Sibling place might never come. Iniquitous as well.

FortunesFave · 29/12/2018 11:29

Moving after 2 years would be bad. Too much change at that age.

Move house...best option.

Other option is to send them to the local school and pay for tutors and extra curriculum things.

The shittest secondary schools usually have something good about them.

Neolara · 29/12/2018 11:30

London state schools do better than anywhere else in the country. I wouldnt write them off.

Babygrey7 · 29/12/2018 11:32

We moved to an area with good state schools instead, and commuted for a few years (then found local jobs)

The commute was 5k a year, still cheaper than school fees for 2

And you pay for the "naice" school fees through house prices, but you pay London house rates already!

OhTheRoses · 29/12/2018 11:33

Actually let's be very realistic. You have £40k for two years. Send him. You can fund ds1 from income and use that money for DC2 for two years. That gives you 4 years in current house. You will not be able to sell at value I imagine for 2/3 years until brexit storm is over.

RedSkyLastNight · 29/12/2018 11:33

Appreciate that London is totally different to everywhere else but my mind is boggling that you live in an area where houses are worth 1.3 million and the state schools are dire. Is this because all the children from the local affluent families all go to private school? Or is your definition of "dire" different to mine?

OhTheRoses · 29/12/2018 11:36

What it means Redsky is that the 1.3m houses (probably terraced) are cheek by jowl with big estates. Half the children from the naice roads go to the state school and all the dc from the estate. Some of these schools are like a tale of two cities.

cakeisalwaystheanswer · 29/12/2018 11:37

OP - we afford it because it isn't a load of money to us, but having seen so many friends DCs do so well at very nice SW London comps I would not be prepared to make any sacrifice whatsoever to put DCs through private school. There are loads of excellent state schools in London and you must be very unlucky not to live near any of them. It's all very well to say move but stamp duty etc will cost you £100k and that's one set of fees paid for! So if your ex is prepared to pay half the school fees it will cost you no more to pay fees than to move house.

Are your state school choices really that bad? Schools can improve very quickly. Have you exhausted all your options?

AJPTaylor · 29/12/2018 11:49

Is ds in year 6? Sounds like you have left the whole state thing too late? We were in your situation with Dd3. Not willing to send her to the middle school where we lived as already put oldest ones through. Our options were private or move. We moved. We could have managed private as we had paid off the mortgage but really didn't want 10 more years of relentless treadmill. Dd is in year 6 in primary school. We moved during year 5 as deadline for secondary admission is Oct.
If ds is in year 6, you would need a miracle to get a good state place out of the usual admission round

Rogueone · 29/12/2018 11:56

We have three in private and in London too. My OH is in a profession where he can do extra to make more money which he does. On your salary it is doable, we run an old car, go to family in the holidays and just budget. The other option if your DC are bright is to prep them for scholarship applications to reduce the costs or go for grammar. We do live near a sought after state however that’s a different thread altogether.......

MarmiteTermite · 29/12/2018 11:57

I anticipate fees to increase significantly as in September 2019 the employers Teachers’ Pension contributions are increasing by 43%. This is a massive increase to one of the biggest costs faced by schools and will likely have to be passed on to parents in its entirety.

Holidayshopping · 29/12/2018 11:57

How old are your children now? Do they have school places (or applications in) for September?

AJPTaylor · 29/12/2018 12:10

And many secondary schools do not have sibling priority at all. What was your plan? We're you always going to send them private but now have cold feet 're cost?

BlueUggs · 29/12/2018 12:42

Me and my oh earn just less than your exh between us. We send our DS to private school and have to make sacrifices to do so.