Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

Sorry-don’t know of any.

FWIW, I’ve spent my whole career managing people who went to private school. What it did teach me is that going to private school may give you the head start in terms of getting the job but doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily be better at doing it than someone who went to state school you might just think you are

There have been plenty in the past in Scotland though funding has been cut in recent years.

I would be amazed if there are many kids playing in orchestras who don’t have extra curricular music lessons. Certainly I don’t know of many.
Indeed
Its rather hard to get to Grade 5 to play in the local youth Orchestra
without private lessons

which have not been free in this part of the world since 2002

The above link says Glasgow and Edinburgh still offer free lessons. That's more kids than I thought would have access tbh.

It would be absolutely fine mistress. Just as I had no hesitation in marrying dh who when I met him was a very very poor early career barrister who went to a comp.

My children both had heavily subsidised but not free music lessons in state primary school. It would have been very hard, if not impossible, to reach grade 5 on those lessons alone.

OhTheRoses you said it was worth every penny spent on private education to ease a DCs' path to Oxford. My response is perfectly fair given the very well recognised imbalance of opportunities in terms of access between private and state school applicants. You can't have your cake and eat it. It's significantly easier to get into Oxford from a private school, as you yourself said, or implied. If that's condescending it's also true, so so be it.

And due to his background DH set up a trust at the dc's primary which has now been extended to ensure children hose parents couldn't afford it, do have access to music tuition and decent instruments to practice on. He learnt the piano in his 20s and has perfect pitch.

Kids local to me (in Scotland) have regularly done it. The set up of in-school tuition and lots of ensembles and orchestras seemed to work well. Sadly they have introduced fees now but if you are eligible for fsm you would have fees waived I believe.

Scotmum- I think your idea of disadvantaged and mine vary greatly. None of the disadvantaged children I have worked with (you know the 28% of kids in Glasgow you don’t seem to have encountered) are in orchestras.

A lowly barrister. I can see the BBC dramatisation now

It’s mildly amusing if you end working in an elite enclave and they assume you are one of them but you are not . I remember having to lead a team every single person bar one Oxford / Cambridge/ Harvard / public school me state school then red brick. The only other state educated colleague ended up being my dh . Remember the look of horror on a clients face when I had to admit dh and I weren’t privately educated (she outright asked where we went to school as we were talking about her kids schooling).

Just to pick up on a passing comment - in what way is it better to judge your peers on what trainers they wear than on what school they go to?

Talkin

I know lots of examples of kids doing this, reaching grade 5 in primary through instrumental lessons at school.
A significant amount of students at dd school were admitted under these circumstances.
In fact some had never taken a music lesson in their life and were offered alternative tests to scales if they hadn't taken exams.
Instruments can be loaned from the schools too.

I'm proud of having gone to state school and working in a field where this is considered a tick in their diversity box . I went to a fairly crap school but excelled, without a great deal of parental influence really. I know that bright kids will do well in most environments so a decent state school with a head who is aspirational for the children is perfect for us. The most disruptive class I have ever been in was an A level class with about 5 kids in it - I eventually dropped the subject because I wasn't learning anything because the kids and teacher spent the whole time going off on tangents. Give me a class of 30 with a few kids at the back falling asleep or drawing on the tables any time!

Romanyroots
I know lots of examples of kids doing this, reaching grade 5 in primary through instrumental lessons at school.
Yes
but those lessons ARE NOT FREE
I paid out for both of mine to have instrument tuition in school hours
it costs more disposable cash than many families have
and even though we were on benefits for the first few years
we still had to pay

Hilariously round here (from ear wigging on my year 8) state schools are snooty about other state schools and private about other private . There seems to be little intra private / state animosity. Dds school is the posh state school the other state school thinks they are snobs. All the private schools look down on one particular private school for reasons I don’t understand. Human nature!

in what way is it better to judge your peers on what trainers they wear than on what school they go to?

I wasn't saying it is better. Just that everyone makes value judgements based on different things. What school you go to correlates more closely to you making an assessment of value based on social class though, rather than how cool your trainers are - which is more of a matter of perception of what is cool and what isn't. I don't particularly want my kids judging other kids for what brand of trainers they wear, but I'd be far more upset to find they were judging whether other kids were worth hanging out with because of what social class they belonged to or how rich they are.

Talkin

I see, you must have a different system with your LA, ours were free for those on fsm/pp and lowest incomes.
They had the usual school whole class lesson and a free instrumental lesson for 30 mins every week.
They were expected to play in LA ensembles and concerts though.
I suppose it does vary a lot and maybe our area isn't the same as some others.

“They were expected to play in LA ensembles and concerts though“

What’s an LA ensemble?

It sounds like our schools Romany.

Local Authority ensembles.

Bertrand
Local Authority
eg we have the Hampshire Schools Orchestra, the Winchester Area Schools Orchestra, the Romsey Area Schools Orchestra, the Southampton Schools Orchestra
BUT
All the kids will have had personal music tuition in school time
paid for by their parents (in my day it was around £75 per term per pupil per instrument)

Yes, local authority.
None of the schools would have ensembles and orchestras as not enough kids in each school playing music.
We were told that no schools could cater for dd needs, and although she was good she wasn't a protege or prodigy, I get the two confused.

My dd school do outreach music sessions in the community, no schools take up the offer. Not because they don't want it, but there is nobody designated with time to organise such an event.
It's so sad for the children.
I still maintain it's down to the parents to seek what they can, don't rely on a school or LA to tell you of opportunities, because they won't.

@Ta1kinPeace the link you posted confirms Glasgow and Edinburgh do still offer free music tuition. Appreciate it's not the same everywhere though which is a real shame. When I was st school I got my first 2 instruments tuition free and had to pay for the third. I expect the system wouldn't offer that now though.