Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

I'm not offering support, I'm just taken aback that someone would think it is ok to criticise someone else's style of writing - compare it to barking, say they are under-developed, suggest similarities to how a toddler may think, and suggest it's because they drank a lot. And still think that isn't rude. You are hilarious!

Kestrels - obviously going to the same school as your mum has pros and cons. That would be a key factor for many people whether state v private was in the mix or not I guess.

For what it's worth in terms of posting style, it is of course possible to convey lots of clear information using short, simple sentences, especially if combined with good links to peer-reviewed / respected sources and data.

It is possible to convey very little information while using complex grammatical sentence constructions.

To define a poster's style as 'toddler-like' on the basis of sentence construction alone, disregarding the content, seems needlessly impolite.

Ooh, is @goodbyestranger stalking my typing style across multiple threads ?
Coooooool
and VERY sad

I would also say that writing quickly, in shorter sentences, is not necessarily linked to the time of day, but more to the state of the thread / argument: surely it is quite common, in threads as well as in RL conversation, for a discussion to start with quite elaborate statements of position / opinion and then become more condensed as the conversation progresses?

Yes it would be common. Especially with someone whose brain works faster than other poster's brains are able to.

Oh there are definitely pros and cons, Pyjamas, I was just adding another example of ways that people love to criticise your education choices unasked.

This has been a rather heated thread. As a Glasgow citizen it’s been entertaining too 😄 I have gone the State school route because I have no expensive holidays to ditch or expensive cars to trade-in we just don’t have the spare cash to pay to send our children private. I don’t mind you sending your kids private at all but I do mind the insinuation that with a few lifestyle ‘tweaks’ most people could afford to. And yes, the inference that you send your kids private because you ‘care’ about the quality of their education. Thanks I care very much about the standard of my kids’ education I just can’t afford to buy them a better one.

I hear you. It's not exclusive to school choice. There are just some things in society that have (thank goodness) become unacceptable to say to......to women, to men, to people of different faiths - even though people obviously think them. But for some unfathomable reason people still feel it is ok to tell you what you can eat and drink and what you can do with your body when you are pregnant. What they think of you breast feeding or not breast feeding. Weight, yours not theirs is another on that list. And yes, for some reason people feel they can comment on your choice of school. The thing is to OWN it, 'yes he is a lucky boy and we know we have made the right decision for our family'. Your family, your story, you own it Scottmum1977. We could surmise their reasons and there are some good ones above but basically (I reckon) it's just one of those things that is 'open season' to comment on.

The only thing I would say is private is not necessarily the best. It might be but it might not be. I have one child in private school and two in state and the state school wins hands down. But therein lies another story.

This has been a rather heated thread. As a Glasgow citizen it’s been entertaining too 😄 I have gone the State school route because I have no expensive holidays to ditch or expensive cars to trade-in we just don’t have the spare cash to pay to send our children private. I don’t mind you sending your kids private at all but I do mind the insinuation that with a few lifestyle ‘tweaks’ most people could afford to. And yes, the inference that you send your kids private because you ‘care’ about the quality of their education. Thanks I care very much about the standard of my kids’ education I just can’t afford to buy them a better one.

All of this! Or a house in a wealthier area so I could send them to St Ninian’s or Bearsden Academy whilst patting myself on the back about my socialist principles ;) 😝

@Nestess you've hit the nail on the head. It's one of a handful of subjects including breastfeeding (remember this subject too) that people think is ok to quiz you about. Avoid the conversation and keep it brief.

@Nestess and I agree it's not always best. Depends on the child, the school options etc.

Ha ha Nestess, I was about to write an almost identical post. Ever since I had DS, I have constantly heard variations on 'I do what's best for my kids, so I....' or 'It' s really so important to... '. Breastfeeding is probably the worst, but I'd add to your list things like baby-led weaning, all forms of stuff about baby routines, dummies, crying etc, not having an only child because it's so selfish, etc etc etc. Perhaps the reason OP is frustrated is that uttering a mild justification (usually only when asked) about why you've chosen a private school is met with such ire, whereas all these other pronouncements about how people who really care about what's best for their children raise them, seem to be acceptable.

TP stalking isn't something I've ever done or would do I'm not sufficiently interested in any individual poster on MN but I've been on the site a while - I simply know your posting style across a number of years. It's very distinctive and is your leitmotif but it's hard to get beneath your headlines to understand why you say what you say and what evidential basis you have for your short sharp statements. They just seem to be assertions. This is the first time I've asked the question about why you post in that way. And your answer is: I'm flattered/ because I think in that way. That's cool, but still makes it hard to converse in a meaningful way.

It is possible to convey very little information while using complex grammatical sentence constructions.

BINGO

Goodbye
(a) I do not care what you think
(b) on education threads I tend to base my points on the DfE tables or published research - as I did up thread
(c) on money threads I base my statements on over 25 years of being a small business accountant
(d) on Brexit immigration threads I base my statements around being a first generation economic migrant to the UK
(e) and sometimes I just love a good scrap

What is your excuse for your posting style ?

I don't have a contrived style TP and therefore no excuse required. I tend to type badly while doing other stuff, hence a mass of bad grammar and typos, sometimes corrected, sometimes not. You said that you think in staccato format - which goes way beyond merely posting in it. I commented on how unusual that was. I find it hard to get my head around thinking in funny short sharp sentences but I think it's a leap for the previous poster to suggest it reflects thinking speeds. I'm simply curious, having seen it for so long on the education threads. It's really very singular.

goodbyestranger
well at least you will not have to spot the MN scarf when we meet - my voice will give me away

Incidentally without getting into a list of responses to assertions such as 'I do not care what you think' (!), I'd just add that on education threads (the only threads I tend to post on, apart from childbirth and pregnancy threads), I get my knowledge directly from experience in the field over many years rather than reading research second hand.

The state of arts education in our local state schools I find worryingly poor. I am a teacher so see it from the inside.
One of mine is in state secondary, the other I hope will go private secondary. One school suits one, the other the other. It’s highly likely my DH, their dad, may die from a terminal illness by the time they leave secondary school so I couldn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.
They’re lucky kids in some ways and have the very shittiest of luck in others.
Not that anything I’ve just said adds to the debate of course.

To clarify my comment on arts ed. Resourcing, class size and time in curriculum v poor here. Not the staff. They’re brilliant but stretched too thin.
I can’t comment on other curriculum areas... I don’t know them so well.

((((((( Grundys )))))))
Enjoy every day you have with your whole family as best you can
and let the snotty comments of others whoosh over your head as you ignore them

Most things are stretched in the state sector because of massive underfunding. I find this depressing.

Sorry about your DH, Grundy.

I'm really sorry Grundys.

@OneOfTheGrundys so sorry to hear that. Do what's right for your family and enjoy every precious dayxxx