DD can't sleep in boarding

[greenbuterfly]

DD started boarding in September and seem to have developed a disrupted sleep pattern. She says she sleeps for only about 3 hours each night and falls asleep in lessons. She said some girls are noisy during the night. I think the change and the adrenaline of adapting to a new school together with some triggers/noises created a pattern / habit in which DD is now trapped. I discussed with the school and the messages are mixed. On one side they deny their is a problem because they are not aware of evidence of it, on the other teachers confirm that there is sleepiness in lessons. This half term at home DD goes to bed late and wakes up at 5 a.m. So clearly there is a problem.

Any ideas how to restore the normal sleep?
Did anyone experience this?

How many girls is she in a room with? Is there a possibility to swop to a smaller room?

My dd is a dreadful sleeper but what works best for her is routine, I would assume boarding is quite well routined already.

She could try ear plugs/sleep mask. My dd likes The Works sleep stuff. One you spray on your pillow, the other you apply to your wrists, temples.

Maybe an audible/podcast on earbud headphones?

You can also get some meditation type apps to listen to which she would need to do through headphones again I guess.

I would try these things at home before she goes back to school?

Buy the best ear plugs, eye masks you can afford. Even try in the ear plugs as well as over the ear ones. I think your dd is a sensitive sleeper. I am. I react to the slightest noise and light. I also spent a fair few quid on Bose silence headphones for when the background noise is really bad. And now things are fine sleep wise with my new arsenal!

I second the ear plugs. I'm a terribly light sleeper, I always joke I can hear the grass growing. Ear plugs help, listening to my breath slowing down helps, complete darkness helps.

It's hard to get a good sleep routine going if you have anxiety about it not working (this happens to me when I know I need a good nights sleep e.g before a big exam or work event etc) and shared rooms will not help much I imagine.

Would it help if school approached the girls on her floor about "good sleep routines" or even just "respecting other people are trying to sleep and STFU at bedtime"?!

@SingingSands @CookieDoughKid do you have any ear plugs you'd recommend?

Oh, thanks, do you mean actually sleeping all night with earplugs? I'll investigate that, although DD might resist the idea.

The main problem is to stay asleep. DD wakes up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. She also wakes up too early. I would be reluctant giving her access to devices in the middle of the night - she will start gaming. Any idea how to break up the wrong pattern?

You could try a sleep restriction programme over half term. So if she's waking at 5am, dont let her go to bed until gone midnight the first night and she has to be up at 6am (5am if awake). Must stay awake during the day (try and keep her active). 11pm bedtime on day 2 but if she cant sleep she has to get up and try again at 1am. Again up at 6am latest. Basically you keep increasing the amount of sleep at the beginning of the night as and when her body's able to take it and keep getting up time fixed. It will reset her clock but it takes a few days.

Thanks Barbarian, I will use this approach.

Any recommendations for ear plugs? There are so many on online websites, I have no idea how to choose. Are they increasing risk of ear infection (DD swims twice a week)? What to look for?

Any idea how to handle this with the school?

Boots bog standard ear plugs are as good as any - I'm a very light sleeper and wear them almost constantly with no problems. You can get foam or wax - personal preference which you find most comfortable.

With the wax ones you need to warm them first by rolling them in your fingers to soften them up so they can be inserted deep enough to be effective.

If she is a swimmer you could looks at getting ear molds made, I wonder if they work as ear plugs (usually used after grommet insertion to prevent water in the ear)

I would be worried. Disturbed sleeping esp waking and not being able to get back to sleep & waking too early are signs of mental ill health. Anxiety and depression in particular.

Nobody's going to suggest letting her come home?

I will.

How about letting her sleep at home, where she should be?
That would help i can pretty much guarantee.

There are very good reasons why boarding and this school are right for her and changing this would create a crisis and more unsurmountable problems than it will solve,(I would not go in more details). This sleep problem ought to be a passing phase. The question is how to see it off fastest.

Well, obviously if it's more important that she stays at boardning school than has her insomnia and poor mental health supported, then she must stay at boarding school. However, insomnia is a normal response to being separated from your family and sent away, so it's unlikely to settle quickly. Insisting that it must settle quickly makes it sound like an inconvenience for you rather than a serious problem for her

Bring her home.
If that's not an option, at least attend to her mental health.

And attend to it properly rather than demanding a quick fix to a complex problem.

insomnia is a normal response to being separated from your family and sent away

this

I had to use earplugs this summer on holiday and thought i'd never get on with them as I have really narrow ear canals (earbuds are murder)

but I used the really squishy foam ones - you sort of roll them into a point, put them in and they expand.

so comfy - slept like a baby!

Muffles earplugs from boots are fab. Why is she at boarding school does she have asd?

colditz, please don't go OTT, I am posting for advice and talking to the school, so obviously I take it seriously, and obviously I want insomnia to go away ASAP, nobody wants it to become permanent, surely. I am mindful of DD MH.

Any experience of how the school could handle this? What support from the school works?

How old is she?
My dd for years was a disaster at sleepovers etc, as she just doesn't go to sleep when others are around. She is a bit hyper with a house full of people, and can't switch it off. I could imagine for her that boarding school would be like that.
That would also mean though that she was getting exhausted from not being bale to switch it off.

If that sounds like your dd, then I would work on her understanding herself a bit, and that she needs to wind down at bedtime. Reading, doing an adult colouring book, playing music quietly, building a deliberate calm down into her routine. Helping her to understand she needs to learn to switch off properly.
Could there be other things, eg someone has an alarm clock that ticks loudly?

It is concerning that the school is not taking it seriously, and I would follow up on that. A young teen sleeping 3 hours a night is not normal.

How old is she OP? My initial thoughts are that it could be anxiety related or shes just a very light sleeper. If its only started since shes been boarding i'd say more likely to be anxiety/homesickness (even if shes saying its not). I'm a light sleeper and love my ear plugs and eye mask. However i'm not sure if they'd be suitable for a child. Plus if she didnt need them at home I think you have to look at the other issues

Don't go OTT?

WTF?

How is suggesting bringing a mentally ill child home going OTT?

Boarding school can be great! Your daughter is clearly not doing well overnight at boarding school, so bring her home. Send her in the day.

It's really NOT an OTT suggestion, I promise.

Yes, I am looking at the whole range of issues, I assure you, and in my judgement the way forward is to propose some specific things the school should do, but I don't know what exactly. I never faced this before, so I don't know all the answers.

Yes to trialing ear plugs.
Yes to some quiet settling down routine.

But what should I ask the school to do about middle of the night?
They say that they do regular rounds and in these rounds they see DD sleeping (it could be that DD underestimates her sleep hours, or that there are no rounds when she is awake), but in the morning when they come she is already awake. The latter also fits with DD waking up at 5 a.m. at home.

Is there a particular 'evidence based', 'scientific' method, programme, whatever thingy that I could ask the school to try for middle of the night/ early morning? (the method mentioned by someone above, does it have a name?)

I expect the boarding school is nowhere near home so she couldn’t board during the day and come home at night.
However, this just sounds awful for your dad. Have you asked her if she’s worried about anything? If she enjoys school. If she said she hated it would you change? I say this knowing several people who have boarded and had long term effects from it, you must listen to your child for both of your long term good relations.