DD can't sleep in boarding

[greenbuterfly]

DD started boarding in September and seem to have developed a disrupted sleep pattern. She says she sleeps for only about 3 hours each night and falls asleep in lessons. She said some girls are noisy during the night. I think the change and the adrenaline of adapting to a new school together with some triggers/noises created a pattern / habit in which DD is now trapped. I discussed with the school and the messages are mixed. On one side they deny their is a problem because they are not aware of evidence of it, on the other teachers confirm that there is sleepiness in lessons. This half term at home DD goes to bed late and wakes up at 5 a.m. So clearly there is a problem.

Any ideas how to restore the normal sleep?
Did anyone experience this?

flumpy, it's half term, DD is at home and the school is closed. And obviously I am stepping in and started talking to the school before the break.

It is a complex problem and I am looking for practical, feasible solutions I can ask the school to implement fast. As a first starting step.

I would love to hear about experiences dealing with the school in similar situations.

I like wax earplugs best - I get them from Home Bargains.

What about a watch like a fit bit - that would give a good indication of her sleep routine.

There’s a good mindfulness app on the Apple watch. You could monitor heart rate then too which might give you some insight.

Can she swim in the evening? Or do some other physical activity. That will give her good endorphins and help her to feel tired at the right time.

I would be wary of restricting sleep further. Generally sleep disorders involve letting her sleep when she’s tired.

I boarded. Much was made of how if you were any sort of a person you’d love it. Lots of my friends still say they loved it until after their 3rd glass of wine. Talk to her without preconceptions and tell her you won’t be disappointed in her if she hates it.

I also thought Fitbit to see for certain how much she is actually sleeping. V surprised school seem to be brushing this off. Sounds like it may well be anxiety or MH related, or it may be noises/triggers and a sensitive sleeper, or if happening at home too may just be too tempting to be up late chatting or on line etc and then can’t sleep (you mentioned if she had a device in the night she would be gaming). Only OP will be able to guess at the reasons - but I would have expected a boarding school with any decent type of pastoral care to want to get to the bottom of it

I suffer from insomnia like this from time to time, I have found taking a phenergan tablet in the evening makes me sleepy earlier in the evening and although I do still tend to wake in the small hours I fall back to sleep much more quickly. phenergan is an old safe anti histamine also marketed for travel sickness, nausea and insomnia, its cheap and available over the counter and can be used by children. I find it useful to break a cycle of insomnia ( usually caused by stress or a fright) and take it for two or three days ( it's not recommended for more than a week unless on prescription). I do need a large coffee to get me going the next morning though!

ghost sighting or something?
I wish I could laugh it off. I suppose it gives me an idea - to discuss with DD treating the issue as a ghost sighting, as a hilarious non issue, not reacting to it etc.

As I said, I can't go into details, because they are very particular. It would be inappropriate for me to describe exactly the trigger. It is a justifyingly sensitive matter. Nothing criminal, nothing sinister, nothing occult or religious, nothing dangerous, nothing ill willed or bad behaved, nothing uncaring or wrongful from the school. Just unfortunate circumstances.

She probably just needs you and the safe feeling that being in your own bed and home brings.

I would suspect stress is the cause

Hard and all as this seems to be for you to accept, you are the girls parent, it's up to you to make sure your dd has a safe, happy home environment.

From what you're saying is a trigger of some sort is within the room? or from domeone who is is the room? So you already know the problem ask for her to be moved rooms.

I would start with asking that she move dorms. Once it’s done, they may need to make no more interventions, so they will probably readily agree, if there’s a space. Is there someone she would like to share with?

Fit bit - great suggestion, I didn't know it could do that. It is a simple thing to do. That would establish the facts.

Phenergan - the school would object, but that puts pressure on them to do something else.

Any apps that work miracles, like putting you to sleep fast? (Personally I hate mindfulness apps, so I am not a good judge)

At DDs school they’ve already had a mini switch around in a couple of the dorms, and will almost certainly have another when the girls go back after Christmas.
I think if there was an unsettling incident in your DDs current dorm then a move might be all she needs to get settled.
Also you say your DD is in room with 11-13 year olds, would it be possible for her just to be with girls her own age/year group?

If your dd moved rooms and her sleep reverts to normal. - job done. If the move proves that it’s nit the dormitory then it’s process of elimination , but it will also be another upheaval and unsettling.
Are there other process if eliminations that can be tried first

If she's used to sleeping on her own, I can see why that would be a problem. My 2 youngest are in bunks, and when DD2's away, DS2 has trouble sleeping, even though he's asleep when she comes to bed.

I boarded and we had the odd incident of sleepwalking and/or sleeptalking - incidents like that can be pretty disturbing!

My son used this, with meditation or sleep apps, might be useful
https://www.argos.co.uk/product/6043401?cmpid=GS001&$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:480-316-7430%7Ccid:199888953%7Cagid:17436843513%7Ctid:aud-484139255901:pla-323835311235%7Ccrid:74692319913%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:12217540710092323686%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:1o2%7Cmt:%7Cloc:1006520&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7obCyvWf3gIVq7ftCh1LLw85EAQYAiABEgKEofDD_BwE

I use the Headspace app and there is a specific section for sleep and for waking up in the night. It sounds like someone in the room is causing her to feel unsettled / unable to properly relax. All the magic sprays in the world won't fix that.

I used to work in a boarding school there are plenty of happy well adjusted children who struggle to sleep. We used to promote the concept of sleep hygiene, in particular *no screens8 after 2100 and avoiding sleeping to much during the day power napping rather than spending 3 hours in bed sleeping in the afternoon.
Ear plugs do help (I have insomniac tendencies) and I also use this this I was given it and was sceptical that it would work but it has really helped. Finally how comfortable is the bed? My sleeping has improved no end since we purchased a blissfully comfortable new mattress, mattress toppers are commonly used by boarders.

This sounds a bit like me when I started uni - which was something I very much wanted to do and was looking forward to. I (mostly) enjoyed it from the start, and was able to leave behind a tricky home situation. I also felt sick much of the time and had to force myself to eat. I lost weight (though only a couple of kg) and my periods stopped. Looking back, I'm pretty sure it was the stress and anxiety of being in a new place, and having to deal with a lot of new things. It got better after a term; I think I simply needed that long to adjust.

I was really suggesting the Phenergan to use at home during half term as you said her sleep pattern was still off, to help her get back on track quickly and get some extra sleep, recharge her batteries. I find being tired makes me more prone to anxiety, I worry about not getting enough sleep on top of everything else, it's a negative feedback loop.

OK, I will try Phenergan. And also Fitbit, ear plugs and meditation, and will talk to the school on the plan of action.

Are they allowed to listen to something with headphones as they fall asleep? If so audio books or meditation cds have worked well for my DC who struggles with insomnia although younger than yours. The Christianne Kerr meditation cds are very soothing.

I hope you find a solution OP