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Secondary education

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Original poster

GCSEs 2018 (16) - The Final Countdown

999 replies

mmzz · 09/08/2018 18:34

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3304925-gcses-2018-15-the-reckoning?

OP posts:
eaglefly · 17/08/2018 07:54

Whatever the outcome

mmmz · 17/08/2018 08:25

I'm looking for tips here. I have 6 days to find a way to convince DS that change can be good. He is countering my attempts with 16 years worth of times when the trauma of change outweighed any benefit - we moved around a lot before DS was 10.

It's his only objection to moving to a new sixth form (what if I end up in an even worse position friendship-wise than I have now?).

I've pointed out to him that everything will change in two years time anyway, but his response is that will be hard, so why do it twice?

WhatHaveIFound · 17/08/2018 08:26

DD back from NCS, over tired and getting very stressed about next Thursday. Although she has a guaranteed sixth form place, she's worried that she will appear stupid next to all her high achieving friends Sad

I am so glad she doesn't have to go into school to pick up her results.

TheThirdOfHerName · 17/08/2018 08:29

Ihad a dream last night that DD's results came with comments like "Good content. Essay technique could be improved."

DS3 (Y9) asked DS2 "When do you get your GCSEs back?" He thought they'd be handed all their marked papers.

I was feeling OK about next Thursday, and said so to DH, who commented "Aren't you worried that no one will be able to read his writing in the subjects where he didn't type his answers?"
Well I wasn't, but I am now! Hmm

eaglefly · 17/08/2018 08:45

Mmmz do you Have any stories of when you in the past have taken a risk where you have stepped out of your comfort zone or changed something that you were scared to do or didn't know what the outcome was going to be but ended up being a great step to lots of new opportunities - can be in anything doesn't have to be academic or work. That may be worth a shot. We have that life experience that these DC don't.

We have been having conversations about setbacks yesterday from losing jobs, failing component of degrees, driving lessons etc and how no matter how bad it seemed at the time it led to new paths and avenues or that we survived. That helps to take the pressure off.

LooseAtTheSeams · 17/08/2018 08:47

Third I have the handwriting worry!
I have ohad a dream in which DS came home a bit baffled by his results (not even the right subjects) and then realise he’s taken someone else’s results!
Mzzz oh no - he does need to change in this case although I understand change is a massive deal for him and he’s feeling wobbly. I would maybe stress that this sixth form is geared around the things he’s good at and enjoys and specifically attracts other students who feel the same way. Also we do have to make changes through life but this is one that ‘s completely weighted in his favour. He will have been selected by them, which means they really want him!

eaglefly · 17/08/2018 08:50

Third likewise - I am convinced handwriting will have an impact on the essay based subjects. DD can write fast in exam conditions but not sure how legible it is. And with all the stories you hear about how fast papers are marked I can't imagine an examiner having the patience to try to work out what has been written or give the benefit of the doubt. Sorry that's not really helpful is it.

LooseAtTheSeams · 17/08/2018 09:04

eaglefly I promise I do take the time to decipher the writing - some of the best answers have looked at first sight as though spiders fell into a pot of ink and ran around the page! I know that it’s the payoff for all the ones where someone wrote two lines or nothing at all. On the other hand, I’m sympathetic because DS’s handwriting is usually tiny and unreadable although he promised me he’d changed it for the exams!

eaglefly · 17/08/2018 09:06

Loose thank you - that is really reassuring

hmcAsWas · 17/08/2018 09:15

I tried the "GCSEs are important but really how important are they in the scheme of things?" chat with dd in an attempt at reassurance pre results day. I must have made a ham fisted effort at it since it really didn't go well!

hmcAsWas · 17/08/2018 09:17

mmmz - I think if its not working pointing out the positives of a move (which is a difficult thing to do since it isn't something he has tried and tested yet), you need to remind him of all the deficiencies of his current school; the obstinate and resistant maths teachers, the 7.30 am revision sessions etc etc

LooseAtTheSeams · 17/08/2018 09:23

hmc I keep feeling as though I’ve put my foot in it when I talk to DS - the more I say ‘don’t worry’, the more he looks as though he might consider worrying! He’s started to convince himself Biology has gone wrong. All I could say was if that happens just swap it for another A level - he did cheer up at that point so maybe that’s the right approach.

hmcAsWas · 17/08/2018 09:34

We've got to a similar point Loose - i.e. agreeing that if an exam doesn't end up as a good grade then swap for another subject where performance was better. She accepts this, but then she turns it around and says "don't you believe in me then?"

She's always been a contrary Mary Grin

Cherryburn · 17/08/2018 09:51

mzzz I think it’s about him believing that he will have a much bigger pool of like-minded souls to make friends from. Those results are stellar, and I have an inkling now of where he’s (hopefully) heading. If I’m right, everyone will be ‘new’ so it won’t be a case of having to break into established friendship groups. And the chances of him finding other DC with similar interests are extremely high, given the nature of the place.

It would also be a chance for him to start again, not exactly to re-invent himself (why should he?!) but to be seen for the 16-year-old he is now instead of a perception of him that has grown up since he was 11.

How much has he seen of his friends during this holiday? From what you’ve said, he hasn’t got an awful lot to lose so the potential reward far outweighs the risks. It’s difficult though, because obviously you wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings by pointing that out.

I really hope you can talk him round. I think it would be brilliant for him.

PeggySchuylar · 17/08/2018 09:56

Mmmz not got any great solutions. DD has a place at college and has seemed fine until this week. She came back from an overnight visit to family friends and was tired and suddenly started fretting about friendships at the new college.

“What if there isn’t anyone like me? What if there are no nerdy people?”

I said I was sure there would be on her course but then she said they might be the “wrong kind of nerds”.

She has hated her school and just about managed to keep going which is why she/we have chosen the college.

I she was an adult I would say something along the lines of (in summary)

It’s natural to feel ambivalent about change. All changes, even good ones have losses and gains. The beginning of a change is hard because the disadvantages often become apparent before you experience the advantages.

If I tried to say that to DD at the moment she would say, “You what?”

LooseAtTheSeams · 17/08/2018 09:59

hmc I'm relieved he hasn't thought of that response!Smile He did ask me if he had to wear school uniform to collect his results, which was a bit of an odd one. Then he told me someone he knows is planning to turn up in pyjamas. I said the teachers and exams officer will be too busy to care! (Also very unlikely this will really happen.)

WhatHaveIFound · 17/08/2018 10:01

Mmmz have you tried getting him to list the pros and cons of moving schools?

This is what we did with DD. We knew the move would be good for her but fear of change, peer & teacher pressure plus increased travel distance were worrying her. It was only when she saw all the positives that she made her mind up.

PeggySchuylar · 17/08/2018 10:08

Just to add that my older DCs have found that sixth form was a lovely chance to make new friendships. The kids are more mature. One head of year said that at sixth form they are confident enough to value individuality whereas lower down the school there is pressure to be like everyone else.

One of mine changed schools to do year 12 again. She went thinking she might not make friends but would just get on with her work. In fact her grades didn’t improve Grin but she was warmly welcomed by the new sixth form and made long lasting friendships and today moves in with her boyfriend met through this peer group!

Oratory1 · 17/08/2018 10:11

mmmz is it worth looking at the school website/literature. If it is full of dc like him doing things he would like to do it may be worth getting him to have a look again. For me the biggest reason for wanting him to go would be a pool of like minded dc so that, even if he doesn't make close 1 on 1 friends, he feels comfortable and accepted in that environment and a sense of belonging. But I'm not quite sure if 1 year olds can see the importance of that.

Oratory1 · 17/08/2018 10:13

hmc I have that dilemma ! I sort of want to prepare DS as I feel there is a risk he may be disappointed but worry that if I do that he may feel I don't believe in him or don't think he has worked hard enough. I think I need to keep quite as it would probably come out wrong anyway !!

Peaseblossom22 · 17/08/2018 10:19

I also have the worry about handwriting.

I think one of the problems this year is that because of the demise of AS levels for many of out dc the only concrete results on their university application will be GCSEs so it’s difficult to avoid the conclusion that they will look at them more than in the past .

On the change front I agree you need to be gentle , to be honest who isn’t worried about change .The point about being accepted for who you are rather than who you were is a valid one I think , and also to point out that he hasn’t much to lose and potentially a lot to gain .

mmmz · 17/08/2018 10:21

Thanks for all the suggestions. We are "on holiday" at MIL's at the moment.
As I write this, I'm listening DH try to convince DS that he needs to face up to change and recognise that it can be a good thing. He's not having much success, tbh.
DS is listening but not engaging.
We've been trying to deal with this for months/ years / a lifetime and now we are down to just 6 days.
The problem with rubbishing the current school is that DS2 is likely to be staying there for the next four years (but I have tried it anyway when DS2 is our of earshot).

Peaseblossom22 · 17/08/2018 10:22

Everything I say at the moment is wrong , it’s hard because until now ds3 has been the easiest . He seems to have become a bolshie social butterfly overnight, who also knows best about everything 😖.

mmmz · 17/08/2018 10:23

.... and now DH has reached the resilience part of the speech. Now I know we've failed again.

Peaseblossom22 · 17/08/2018 10:25

Its not about rubbishing the other school it’s about finding the right place for the right person ( sure you have tried this ) . We had to move one from the same school as the others , we explained it as right compost for right plant ! Everyone needs different elements to thrive . My heart goes out to you it’s very hard ,