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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

GCSE 2018 (7) [wine][wine][wine][wine]

999 replies

mmzz · 10/05/2018 17:28

A new thread to take us through the exams
Link to old thread

OP posts:
sandybayley · 13/05/2018 09:59

Oddsocks feel for you. I have similar problems with DH re: DD. I can appreciate that he was never a 14 year old girl but he is very matter of fact about her emotional and friendship ups and downs when all she wants is sympathy and empathy.

It's good that she is talking to you about it. I never talked to my DM about how I felt and it's been positive (I think) that DD does share.

I'd second seeking out friends you can share with IRL - particularly those with DD.

beenrumbled · 13/05/2018 10:05

oddsocks, your poor DD - I do think its harder with girls - DS sails through school and issues, DD really struggles with some of her peers.

Things are ticking along here - DS1 had a trip to Loreto and Xavarian 6th form colleges last week, organised by his school because of their own 6th form fiasco, and he has a trip to Ashton 6th form in a couple of weeks .

He seems settled on Ashton, but would be happy with Loreto, so we just need to see how his results pan out in August.

He was in school for a Maths revision session yesterday which he said was useful. He has been revising today since 9, but has his first cricket match this afternoon, so will do no more today after 12.

His exams start on Tuesday with French and Biology, he seems to be taking it in his stride, his last GCSE is the 21st June, so they drag on a bit for him!

Oddsocks15 · 13/05/2018 10:24

That’s another problem sandy I become isolated too. I’m the one that keeps things together at home so any friendships I’ve had have been neglected. The few I’ve got left have got DS rather than DD. Can’t talk to my DM as she is a borderline alcoholic (a whole another story).

I know it is a girl thing, my DS have never had these problems. Just seems so intense at the moment

Original poster
mmzz · 13/05/2018 10:25

Oddsocks if it's any comfort (probably won't be), I've been with 2 DPs when they have lost their fathers: DH and a long term boyfriend when we were in our 20s. Both times, they've been really hard to live with in the few months afterwards. The week leading up to the funeral and the fortnight or so after are difficult, but they are in pain and it's easier to comfort them. But then, there is a period after that when they are just hard to live with, and behave in a way that you don't really recognise in them, or like. Eventually, things settle back down, but it took a few months both times.
That reads like I'm really uncaring, but I wasn't. It's just that was two periods in my life when my relationships were really tested.

I wouldn't have posted that if your post didn't resonate. My advice: bite your tongue, keep your distance (you can't help - they have to work through the anger themselves ), and lower your expectations of what to expect from them emotionally for a while.

OP posts:
brainmelt · 13/05/2018 10:52

oddsocks men in general shy from drama and emotional complexity. Oddly I have found the combination between my overcaring emotional approach and DH's more stoic pragmatic stance to be very good for DS. Years ago he told him that he will never like all his teachers, some are bound to be hard or unfair and he just had to cope with it. This has made DS the only child in his school who never moans or complains about a teacher. I'm not trying to defend your DH and what he said was not what your poor DD wanted to hear in her state but some of his words may sink in in the future, that in life we wi get on with some people and wil be disappointed by lots of other people and that's all right and part of life. For your DD it's now the end of the world but she may find his stoicism helpful when she's older Flowers

Oddsocks15 · 13/05/2018 10:53

Your post is of comfort mmzz, you are right the funeral was easier in some ways to handle as the pain is open. Your post has made me think I might something for DH to plant in the garden for remembrance while I’m buying lavender for DD.

Oddsocks15 · 13/05/2018 10:56

brainmelt are we sisters?! I’m certainly the overcaring emotional type, (just had a cry in the loo!)

Just feel so wretched

sandybayley · 13/05/2018 11:20

Oddsocks be kind to yourself today. Buy yourself something as well (not just DD and DH) and make sure you get out the house on your own for a bit.

I think we can sometimes lose ourselves a bit as mothers and wives and forget to look after ourselves.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 13/05/2018 12:00

I'm sorry the hear that, oddsocks. I think a lot of us fall into the stereotype of overcaring emotional types, especially concerning our DC. I feel fiercely protective of my DS2 who has ASD and sometimes feel a bit detached in comparison to DS1 and DS3. Which I then feel guilty about.

I'm divorced from their dad, who was also poor at communication and empathy in a borderline ASD way. There were times when I needed to pour my heart out and he would yawn and say 'I'm tired now, can we stop talking about this?' Angry

Since my divorce, I am much more dependent on friends and MN. Try to cultivate RL friendships for support. Your DC will never be as important to anyone as their own DC are, but sometimes all you need is a bit of genuine RL empathy. My parents are both dead, so it's hard to have nobody to share your DCs problems and triumphs with that actually really care. MN and RL friends help with the problems and I'm unashamed to share the triumphs on FB! Grin

Oratory1 · 13/05/2018 12:24

sorry Oddsocks that things are tough. Sorry too if sometimes the things we moan about on hear seem trivial when others are going through bigger things.

Really good that she is able to talk to you though and my only advice from experience would be to listen and be supportive at this stage without the temptation to try and play down or 'fix' things - so then she can at least feel supported and not judged at home. And I agree my DH gets so frustrated and angry as he is used to having the answers and fix things but he can't with the DC so then either gtes defensive and grumpy or withdraws which is no help at all but not uncommon.

DS is currently calm and I want to keep it like that as he has a capacity to freeze and have complete brain block when panicking (or even when not panicking) so I need to find a way of keeping him calm so he can get stuff out of his dyslexic brain - unblocking the dam as he calls it

LooseAtTheSeams · 13/05/2018 12:28

Oddsocks the thing is it’s understandable you all feel the way you do and to all feel differently from each other. But it sounds like you need to take care of yourself as well. Easier said than done in the gcse madness, I know. Flowers
Rumbled sounds like things are going well with the sixth form plans!
DS has done some RE revision, he assures me, so I’m not going to mention it to him again! However, my question about the whereabouts of his new calculator received a worryingly vague reply...

LooseAtTheSeams · 13/05/2018 12:33

Some of the best advice I ever read was in a book about avoiding sibling jealousy - basically, it was the same as Oratory says - children just want to know that you actually understand how they are feeling rather than the temptation to tell them not to feel that way. Once they’ve got some validation for how they feel, it helps them to move on. The temptation to offer a ‘fix’ is less helpful than just being understanding. I suspect this is as true for teenagers and adults as it is for small children!

Teenmum60 · 13/05/2018 12:38

Can I assume DD will be able to take her inhaler into exams...she doesn't use it much (mild asthma)but she is really struggling off and on with breathing at the moment (really bad this morning) due to hayfever -although if she uses it before an exam she should not need it.

user1467232073 · 13/05/2018 12:45

Wishing everyone the best of luck. Unfortunately my daughter has not really taken her revision seriously (I have been asking her for months to do some) bare minimum here and now the panic has set in for her. I just hope what she is cramming in will be relevant. My nerves can’t take much more!😬

Original poster
mmzz · 13/05/2018 13:04

I've been trying to help DS revise Judaism this morning. I think the exam is on Wednesday. At one point, I asked him
"Were you absent the day they did this?" It's likely it's all new to him and he's hearing it for the first time. I mean basic stuff like the new year's resolutions stuff and how mourning is done.
Oddly, the circumcision lesson appears to have been more memorable!

OP posts:
lljkk · 13/05/2018 13:25

I found a copy of the exam schedule! On floor of DS room, but it tells me when DD's exams are, too. Now I understand why the RE book is main one DD has had out, & why you guys keep talking about it. DD is super cool & calm about exams this year (thank goodness, yr9 was a horrible drama fest).

Got an astonishing 15 minutes of revision out of yr9DS today. As long as he's not upset with his final result, it will be fine by me.

KingscoteStaff · 13/05/2018 13:37

DS is currently trying to think of some French subjunctive phrases which he could memorise and use in the writing paper - whatever the topic is!

Stickerrocks · 13/05/2018 13:38

This week DD has RS, biology, chemistry, RS. Those are probably her worst subjects, so hopefully things can only get better.

Confusedandfrightened · 13/05/2018 13:48

Sticker my dd has exactly the same, Science is her fave but not re, she’s really struggling today thinking that she doesn’t remember anything a she’s been revising since January! Good luck to everyone and their parents/grandparents of course!!

AlexanderHamilton · 13/05/2018 13:50

RS, French, Biology & Chemustry for dd.

RS is her best subject so hoping it gets to a good start for her this week. She’s not looking forward toFrench listening.

beenrumbled · 13/05/2018 13:58

3 french exams, biology and chemistry this week here.

He says at least after this week he wont be worrying about French!

EllenJanethickerknickers · 13/05/2018 14:00

Computer science, biology, chemistry and more CS for DS3. One subject down by end of Thursday. Computing is probably his second best subject, so also nice to start with a good one for him, hopefully.

The popularity of RS sounds very mixed! It's not compulsory at DS's school anymore. He's quite glad of that but I do think it's a good subject to take, or at least the old style one was. The new one sounds like there is less common sense required and more detailed knowledge. Actually, rather like all the new GCSEs.

AlexanderHamilton · 13/05/2018 14:04

RS is an option at ds’s school. She actively chose it instead of history/drama & she wants to do Philosophy & Ethics for A Level.

LooseAtTheSeams · 13/05/2018 14:06

Computer science x 2, RE x 2, Biol 1 and Chem 1 this week for DS. He really wants biology to go well! Should be ok anyway with computing. No idea how RE will go.

BlueBelle123 · 13/05/2018 14:14

DS has CS x2, Biology, Chemistry and PE x 2 - so 2 GCSE's down at the end of the week.

Plus I have to try and get DS an emergency Dr's appointment tomorrow....could really do without that added stress.....although its nothing compared to what some on here are having to deal with.