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Original poster

Are your geeky/quirky/anti-social yr 11 dc going to prom?

42 replies

Sadik · 17/04/2018 21:48

DD is dithering - she says she thinks she might regret not going, but can't think of anything about it that she will like. I don't really want to advise her, but I suspect unless I encourage her a little bit it'll be a default 'no'.

(She doesn't do dresses, and I wasn't sure if the fact that she'd 99.9% certainly be the only girl in trousers - even if she chose a jumpsuit, which she probably wouldn't - was putting her off, but I think it's more the social element and music.)

Anyone else in similar circumstances, and have you encouraged your dc either way?

OP posts:
Keel · 17/04/2018 21:51

My daughter is Year 10 and already adamant she doesn't want to go. I would say it's your daughter's choice. I never had a prom and can't say I feel as though I missed out on anything.

Oddsocks15 · 17/04/2018 22:00

My DD decided at the last minute that she would go to her prom. I left her to decide, only pointing out that she might regret it if she didn’t go as she only finishes compulsory education once.

She doesn’t do dresses and looked at a jumpsuit but nothing bought as yet..

Original poster
Sadik · 17/04/2018 22:02

DD was really definitely she wasn't going to go, but has just started wavering. I'm not sure she would regret it tbh - she reckons a fair proportion of the year won't go, it's just perhaps that a lot of those she's in lessons with are getting excited about it all.

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imnottoofussed · 17/04/2018 22:02

Dd decided not to go to hers last year and hasn't regretted it yet.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2018 22:02

My daughter didn't go. She was a little mosher girl and only wore black hoodies - the other girls were wearing evening dress.

AChickenCalledKorma · 17/04/2018 22:21

Yes, she's going. She knows it's not really her kind of thing, but she has a nice, little group of similarly geeky friends, who are all going.
Several of them are heading to different sixth forms and she feels like she'd be missing something important if she stayed away. Thankfully, their venue has an outdoor area and I think she'll spend a lot of time loitering outside avoiding the noise.

She generally lives in combats/jeans and hoodies, but does have one dress which (to my total amazement) she chose to buy for a friend's wedding recently. It's not a "prom dress" and she may well look a bit under-dressed, but she reckons her friends will be so gob-smacked to discover that she actually has hips and legs that she'll probably get away with it.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 17/04/2018 22:37

Is it his just a thing for girls?

My DS is uncomfortable getting dressed up, doesn't like music, wont be dancing, won't have his photo taken, doesn't like posh food, isn't into girls and is adamant its just for the cool/sporty kids so he has no place there. Oh yes and is uncomfortable me spending so much money on the ticket (£40) & tux (£?).

I wont be forcing him to go but I have made sure he at least gives it some thought, as its a one off in his life. He is a popular/intelligent kid but a bit like the young Sheldon, so still have plenty to be proud of.

fairyqueen · 17/04/2018 22:43

Leggings and hoodie DD was adamant from the start she wasn’t going and is still happy with her decision. It’s a relief not to have to help her find something to wear to be honest.

Alternativefacts · 17/04/2018 23:00

DS ( now yr 12) adamant last year he was not interested in the prom; (has ASD, not v socially confident)I encouraged him just to keep his options open so we bought a ticket, then got a jacket he could wear just in case he changed his mind; last minute he decided to go as friends were going. Stayed for about an hour then headed back to hang out in town with a few friends who hadn’t got tickets! Didn’t seem impressed but still I was glad he gave it a go. Did try hard though to make sure he felt going or not going were both fine, no pressure, just options. Not easy, good luck !

Witchend · 17/04/2018 23:06

Dd1 wasn't going to go right the way through year 11 until about this time.
What changed her mind, I think, was being invited into a group "bus" to go together. I think one of her worries about going was going to be everyone else turning up in groups and her on her own. She had a lovely time, but chose to come home earlier than a lot did.
One of the other girl's mums took some lovely photos of them getting ready to go, and sent them to us, and dd1was delighted.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 17/04/2018 23:07

My DS2 has ASD and doesn't really socialise with his peers at all. He still went to the prom and pigged out on the free pick and mix which was his main incentive to go!

Quirky DS3 will be going and styling it out in this suit. Grin

Are your geeky/quirky/anti-social yr 11 dc going to prom?
BerriesandLeaves · 17/04/2018 23:17

Like

Icequeen01 · 17/04/2018 23:26

DS didn't go to his year 11 prom and is now in year 13. He hasn't mentioned a year 13 prom but I know he wouldn't go even if there is one. He feels that as he is not one of the cool kids he will be out of place. I feel a little sad for him if I'm honest as he is coming to the end of an era, but I would never tell him that.

Original poster
Sadik · 18/04/2018 08:44

That's a fabulous suit EllenJane.

At least dd's school prom ticket includes a bus from school to the venue, so the 'who goes with who' bit is avoided.

DD has people she gets along with, but no friends as such in school now (she did have a small group but most were in older years, and the one girl in her year she used to hang out with hasn't really been in school much & definitely won't be going to prom). TBH I can see why she isn't that keen on it all - sounds to me a bit like a slightly painful work Christmas party Grin

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NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 18/04/2018 08:45

DS's school (boys only) didn't have a prom although they do have links with nearby girls' state and GDST schools so not sure why not?

Original poster
Sadik · 18/04/2018 08:50

A group of pupils (all girls!) are organising the one at dd's school NewModelArmy, maybe there just weren't any boys interested enough to want to put one together?

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pointythings · 18/04/2018 16:35

DD1 went - she's as quirky as they come and wore a Goth style corset dress with matching makeup and accessories - think steampunk queen. She turned heads, hung out with her nerd friends and had a great evening. She says she'd have deeply regretted not going.

Original poster
Sadik · 18/04/2018 16:50

The only problem is pointythings that dd doesn't have any nerd friends at school . . . (very small rural school, with less than 80 in the year - tractor obsessives yes, science nerds thinner on the ground)

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BeyondThePage · 18/04/2018 16:56

DD17 a girly girl, went to hers, did the whole beforehand makeup/hair/dresses/ drinking then after-party thing.

DD15 - nerd herd - is deciding she wants to go to hers, has bought a beautiful, plain grey, floor length, sheath dress with a sparkly belt - will go to a friends house, get ready, and come home after.

Malbecfan · 19/04/2018 11:29

Awww, my geeky a bit immature but really kind 2nd DD organised her prom. I helped her to begin with, but she did the vast majority on her own. Some of the cooler kids in the year started out thinking it would be nerdy, but actually really enjoyed it.

The food was a buffet so not posh at all. The disco was done by a lad in DD1's year who had a side-line in mobile discos, so all the kids knew him anyway. Lots of the girls enjoyed dressing up (including DD who looked amazing) but some of her female friends wore a black tuxedo and looked fab too.

DD was only allowed to organise it through the school if a member of staff went, and that job fell to me. At the end of the evening, almost every kid came up to thank me, which was very nice, but I had to keep explaining that it was DD who deserved it, and to be fair, they all spoke to her too. It was the making of her!

Walkingdeadfangirl · 19/04/2018 20:32

Yesterday my DS told me his friends and himself had decided none of them wanted to go to the prom and would be organising their own alternative prom, based around paint-balling. Very happy for them, have offered to help.

Only bad news was that one of the friends is being forced by his parents to go to the school prom. Sad night for him traumatised for life, why are some parents so narrow minded Sad.

JufusMum · 19/04/2018 20:45

DD hates her school and everyone in it so it's a no here, I said she can use the money I would have spent on dress/tickets/transport to go towards her Macbook for sixth form at her new school.

Original poster
Sadik · 19/04/2018 20:51

DD would love that JufusMum (she has an ancient mac with flakey motherboard) but as the tickets are only £27 including bus to the venue, it wouldn't go far!

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Walkingdeadfangirl · 19/04/2018 20:57

£27, does that include photos, spending money, dress, after party and all the extras? seems very cheap.

Original poster
Sadik · 19/04/2018 21:04

You haven't met my dd, Walking Grin Photos - no chance (tbh I'd be amazed if there's a paid for photographer, I suspect it'll just be phone photos). After party - even less of a chance (she did go to one of the many, many beach parties the teenagers hold round here - she said it was an interesting experience, but not one she wanted to repeat).

Outfit would be a good thing for her to have anyway I reckon - she's bound to need something smart in the future, and I imagine she'd go for some kind of women's tux type thing, so not just a one-off.

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