Oh it is nice to be back, wish I could spend all day here. I love the fact that here we are, STATE school parents, at last getting a look-in on a Mumsnet Education thread!
Dapplegrey; my original post was from right at start of discussion and a somewhat provocative attempt to help kickstart it . . . As they have since amply indicated, private school parents each have their own often perfectly reasonable grounds for doing what they do, and there are circumstances I can imagine in which I would be one of them . . . given access to necessary cash of course.
But, just as I am attempting to do, you as private school parents need to take a step back from your own particular self-defensiveness to look at picture as a whole. Ask yourself honestly, why, for instance, in an area like mine, maybe 50%/50% white/ethnic-minority, the almost uniformly Outstanding local state schools are 80%-100% non-white.
Where are those missing white kids???
Let me tell you a story. When I first took my little angel (aged 3, he’s summer born) round my local primary, I couldn’t help but search the classrooms and playground desperately for the tiny handful of naice white kids amid all the black and brown ones: “so he’ll have someone to be friends with”.
Then, when he started in reception, I found myself clocking the other white mums (there were more of them – 4! - in our year than ever before) and hanging around them at pick up and so on.
And then, inexplicably, I started to feel ashamed of myself. Guess what; finally, belatedly, I took a good look at my own DS, by then 5-6 ish. You know what I saw, at last?
A very cute, very brown, very curly-haired little boy exactly like many others at school, but not a bit like the golden-haired kids of my new friends.
Who is now growing into one of those large black boys I’d see hanging around street corners round here in cheap, ill-fitting school uniforms back in the day, shoving each other with London street talk, and I’d think, ugh, no way, no child of mine . . .
But yes way! He and all his very lovely, multi-talented Y6 class who I now know so well (he’s bilingual in hip-hop/street and my fairly-posh, btw). And guess what, those bus-stop black boys no longer look like louts to me – they look like sweet self-conscious teenagers, growing much too fast, hustling for social status and attempting to impress their friends just like we used to.
I went on a journey, Dapplegrey, on which only a brown DC at a very multi-ethnic school could have taken me. I would probably never have done it without him. My all-white out of London based birth family, including my v old mum, still come out with remarks and attitudes which appal me, though once I would not have noticed, or even, heaven help me, expressed myself.
Now, I don’t really believe I or my birth family are any worse than any other all-white raised person, including those who have the sophistication, foresight (and cash!) to send their kids to (mostly white) private schools. But I went on a journey – how many of them have?
How many have to, when any non-white person in their circle has effectively been selected for their willingness to conform to the (white) majority, and as such can be guaranteed not to rock the boat? (or ever mention the R-word (as my DP knows) in naice (white) company.)
See, there’s a reason why I do, so freely, here at any rate. A reason why, unlike so many, I’m such an uninhibited bigmouth when it comes to race and racism. It’s not because I have a black family. It’s because I am white.