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Secondary education

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Original poster

Sent a note with daughter and coat still got confiscated

325 replies

Lionness2020 · 09/09/2017 12:25

My daughter started in Year 7 BullersWood on Wed 6th Sept.
She came home after her first day excited to show me her new books and weekly planner. We sat down together to read through it, I had to sign parent/teacher contract and then we went on to read the school policies and rules.
Whilst reading I came to realize that now I need to buy my daughter a black coat! This isn't an issue....I will buy a black coat ( I just need some time to do this).
She left for school on Thursday with her current coat (purple I might add, I know its bright, but it was that or pink!) and I sent a note with her explaining the situation to giver to her teacher, my daughter got to the school gates and took her coat off and put it in her bag and never gave the note in I found out later that evening....my assumption here is that she was scared she may get disciplined or that it was a hot day and she didn't need a coat.
Come Friday morning, its raining and daughter decides she's going to wear the purple coat as it's waterproof (it was raining most of the day on Fri, I think i saw the sun come out around 3oClock), so again I wrote a note for her to hand to the teacher.
Now this is info I have managed to gather from my DD.......She was going into morning registration, as they were filing into class, the headteacher of Yr7 has stopped her about her coat (according to my daughter her office is opposite her form room). So, daughter says she has a note, hands it over, head of year reads it and say "how sweet, I will have to confiscate your coat and you can have it back at the end of the day, as it's breaking school rules".
I was absolutely astounded by this, I can't believe my daughter had no coat to wear during break/lunch on a cold/rainy day!
Where was the health, safety and well-being of my child?
Not a happy mum!
I will be making an appointment to see the headteacher.

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 09/09/2017 13:14

I know the thread isn't about this exactly but I do think uniforms in general are not a good thing.

Making kids all dress the same removes their sense of self.

We've all said on here how the Finnish system is wonderful and they don't have uniforms.

The thinking behind the uniform has changed over the years...sure there's always the mention of "It levels the playing field for the kids who don't have fashionable clothing"

But even in schools of the strictest uniform, kids KNOW who'se poor and who'se not.

And the issue is easily sidestepped by not allowing visible logos etc.

Finnish schools don't have uniforms as I said before and they top league tables so uniforms don't alter performance.

Liiinoo · 09/09/2017 13:15

You are overreacting. She could have been given detention or shouted at or whatever discipline method the school chooses. Because you wrote an explanatory note there was no punishment just a requirement that she wear uniform whilst on the premises. And (assuming she doesn't have exceptional medical issues) playing out in the rain on a mild Autumn day won't hurt her, I bet loads of other kids who actually had the right coat didn't bother to wear it.

This was YOUR oversight which had negative reprecussions for your DD. Starting secondary school is a big deal and it wasn't fair to make her conspicuous by sending her in the wrong clothes because you didn't thoroughly research the uniform requiremens. The fact she hid the coat and note on the first day shows just how embarrassed she was. Seeing the head about it will just make things worse and label you as one of 'those parents' whose circumstances are so unique that their child doesn't have to follow the rules.

Let it go.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 09/09/2017 13:15

Of course it was confiscated. What message would it send out otherwise? Everyone can wear whatever they like as long as they have a note?

Bullers Wood is an excellent school. There are lots of crappier schools in the area where they can wear their pink and purple coats if they want. The rule was there - follow it.

And don't bother putting in the pathetic "would they listen to my note about a sore ankle".

YOU were in the wrong.

ifonly4 · 09/09/2017 13:15

I know you're shocked she didn't have a coat (I wanted my DD to have one in Year 7) but cold and wet are something they have to try and toughen up to now. Once we has all her school her school bag will be very heavy at times (I certainly wouldn't have wanted to carry my DD's around myself) and she'll have PE kit as well, the last thing she'll want is something else to carry around all day.

You rarely see kids in coats around here, some of the girls have umbrellas and DD has gloves, but that's it.

NapQueen · 09/09/2017 13:16

Op you failed to check the uniform standard. You also failed on reading the uniform standard to purchase or borrow a suitable coat. It is on you tbh.

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/09/2017 13:18

Having thought about this some more, I think it's not very good practice of the school to do this to a new year 7 in the first week. When I was teaching we had an induction week where the new year 7s were helped to settle in and get used to big school. We were always reminded to be gentle about enforcing school rules during the first week so as to not terrify and put off the new students.

I think they've handled this badly and it's not the way to sort out minor issues with new starters. It's clearly not helped your relationship with the school, or your daughter's. But, if that's their rule they will enforce it, but I think they could have handled it more sympathetically.

I wonder who decided on this rule? There must be some families who would struggle to afford to buy a new coat just for school.

NapQueen · 09/09/2017 13:19

Most schools probably work on the assumption that the parents have checked the dress code though. Otherwise how would they know whether to purchase grey or black skirts, blue or white shirts, blazer or sweatshirt?

GeekLove · 09/09/2017 13:20

I wonder whether some of these people who wrote these rules have:

1 deliberately injured their brain so as to have complete memory loss before 20
2 were high of coming down off speed at the time.

And don't blether on about the tyranny of 'choice' if your choice is religeous school ; batshit rules 1 ;batshit rules 2 or 20 mile commute.

TheFallenMadonna · 09/09/2017 13:21

Uniform does not remove "sense of self" Hmm

Starlight2345 · 09/09/2017 13:22

I think it is shocking you havent bothered to read uniform policy of a school you are applying for.

Do I think the uniform policy needs to be so strict it matters what colour coat they wear? no..

However I live near a school where one has a strict uniform , one who just has a dress code no uniform.. There are parents at strict uniform school who will not consider none uniform school because of no uniform. so yes this is why it happens.

However on the idea of them been outside in no coat, in a few years they will be out to 2am in short sleeve tops.

I absolutely would not be getting my child standing out in high school on first week by either not providing the correct uniform or approaching the head about an issue you need to resolve.

LadyLapsang · 09/09/2017 13:22

I live near the school your daughter attends. The school uniform list, including a plain black fabric coat, is clearly stated on the school website. I have never seen a pupil in a coloured coat so she would stick out which isn't nice for her and potentially undermines school discipline. Surely one of the basic things you do when your child gains a place at a school is to check the uniform list and make suitable arrangements. I'm sure if you genuinely can't afford to buy her a coat and especially if she qualifies for free school meals / the Pupil Premium, the school will be able to point you in the right direction to get help, perhaps the PTA does second hand uniform sales. If it's not a question of money but of time, you could order this coat from John Lewis and collect it from Waitrose in Bromley on click and collect - www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-padded-school-coat-black/p3307218#media-overlay_show

LadyPenelope68 · 09/09/2017 13:22

You need to read the uniform list properly, wrong uniform equals sanction.

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2017 13:23

She was forced to go and stand out side in the rain? Are you sure?

That would be a bigger issue to me, why are the kids being forced to go and stand unsheltered in the rain during their breaks?

Haffdonga · 09/09/2017 13:24

But they gave back the coat for her to go home so she wont melt in the rain. So what's the problem?

Nor do I believe she was forced to go outside on a wet lunchtime. Schools have inside provision for wet lunchtimes, although she may have chosen to go outside if her friends were there.

RedSkyAtNight · 09/09/2017 13:24

OP's daughter will soon not want to wear a coat at all whatever the weather. tBH I can't imagine a Year 7 child wants to stick out by wearing a bright coloured coat when everyone else is wearing black, so teacher probably did her a favour!

2014newme · 09/09/2017 13:26

Parenting fail. Check the uniform list next time. The head will not give you the time of day on this. Your problem not theirs

becotide · 09/09/2017 13:27

People freakingabout the rain clearly don't have kids in secondary.

this is NORMAL. it's rain, not acid. Unless you can get a note from a qualified doctor stating that your child is made of candyfloss, or that you carry Wicked Witch genetics, then come year 7 they ARE going outside in the rain, especially for PE. They are going outside in the rain and they are staying there until they are told to come back in.

Anasnake · 09/09/2017 13:28

Contact Daily Fail - pose for pic with arms crossed, have dd look sad in background, use words like 'livid' and 'fuming', mutter something about human rights for extra effect. Wait for comments ... Grin

CauliflowerSqueeze · 09/09/2017 13:29

And it didn't rain on Thursday in Bromley.

On Tuesday there was some rain.

Sent a note with daughter and coat still got confiscated
Haffdonga · 09/09/2017 13:29

I must say, I'm enjoying the entitled attitude that the rules don't count if you have a note from mum . I wonder what other rules the kids would choose to flout if a Magic Mummy Letter could negate the entire school behaviour policy.

Badhairday1001 · 09/09/2017 13:29

Just get her a black coat over the weekend. I wouldn't go in to school about this, she is in secondary now and needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and follow the school rules. There will have been hundreds of children also outside with no coat on that day and there will have been shelter, it's September so certainly not cold. As a teacher and parent I don't think the school have been unreasonable.

Alanna1 · 09/09/2017 13:32

Personally I would complain vigorously about a black coat requirement in winter. They are not visible.

fascicle · 09/09/2017 13:32

Disproportionate but fairly typical reaction from a school. Why effectively punish a child for a parent's oversight? Much more reasonable to allow a few days' grace to sort out another coat.

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 09/09/2017 13:32

I don't believe for a moment that a year 7 pupil was forced to stand outside in the rain at lunchtime. Coats or no coats, secondary schools just don't do this.

Spam88 · 09/09/2017 13:34

Some of the responses on here are ridiculous. Fair enough for her to have been disciplined for having incorrect uniform, but that shouldn't have involved taking her coat away. I'd be seriously unhappy. It's completely irrelevant whether other kids choose to wear coats or not or that she might go out drinking without a coat when she's 18 Hmm

And yes, schools do send kids out in the rain.