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Secondary education

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Original poster

Sent a note with daughter and coat still got confiscated

325 replies

Lionness2020 · 09/09/2017 12:25

My daughter started in Year 7 BullersWood on Wed 6th Sept.
She came home after her first day excited to show me her new books and weekly planner. We sat down together to read through it, I had to sign parent/teacher contract and then we went on to read the school policies and rules.
Whilst reading I came to realize that now I need to buy my daughter a black coat! This isn't an issue....I will buy a black coat ( I just need some time to do this).
She left for school on Thursday with her current coat (purple I might add, I know its bright, but it was that or pink!) and I sent a note with her explaining the situation to giver to her teacher, my daughter got to the school gates and took her coat off and put it in her bag and never gave the note in I found out later that evening....my assumption here is that she was scared she may get disciplined or that it was a hot day and she didn't need a coat.
Come Friday morning, its raining and daughter decides she's going to wear the purple coat as it's waterproof (it was raining most of the day on Fri, I think i saw the sun come out around 3oClock), so again I wrote a note for her to hand to the teacher.
Now this is info I have managed to gather from my DD.......She was going into morning registration, as they were filing into class, the headteacher of Yr7 has stopped her about her coat (according to my daughter her office is opposite her form room). So, daughter says she has a note, hands it over, head of year reads it and say "how sweet, I will have to confiscate your coat and you can have it back at the end of the day, as it's breaking school rules".
I was absolutely astounded by this, I can't believe my daughter had no coat to wear during break/lunch on a cold/rainy day!
Where was the health, safety and well-being of my child?
Not a happy mum!
I will be making an appointment to see the headteacher.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 09/09/2017 21:09

The position of 'if i don't see the point and it doesn't help learning why should we follow the rules'.

I taught at an overseas school with no uniform. Students were still expected to follow a dress code.

Based on your view (based on what I've read) you seem to be very much 'but if they want to express themselves then they should/ dress rules are pointless so why follow them'.

My point is that I would happily go from uniform to non-uniform with a sensible dress code (e.g. no short shorts, no stomachs out, no offensive t shirts, no facial piercings, no high heels, shoes must be closed if you are in practical subjects)
But my massive reservation is that it opens up endless discussion about why x isn't school appropriate when someone inevitably decides their offspring's need to be unique couldn't possibly be managed within the dress code.

TSSDNCOP · 09/09/2017 21:14

This is the sort of thing that really annoys me. Your DD got into a really good school, presumably because she's worked hard. It is a school that has demonstrably high standards. When you accepted the place presumably you thought they mattered.

It took me 15 seconds to find that black coats were the school uniform.

You were BU not to use Google to do the same.

You were BU to out your DD in a position where she was in the wrong kit.

You would BU to complain to the school for choosing not to comply with your note.

A purple coat is not black. Other kids seeing yours in purple would think it was ok to wear a purple coat, a navy skirt, burgundy shoes.

This is an overhead on staff that should be given the chance to teach, not deal with feckless parents that can't read, be bothered, think they're better then everyone else that has bothered.

Suck it up. Send DD in the right gear.

TSSDNCOP · 09/09/2017 21:16

And don't get me started on parking.

hertsandessex · 09/09/2017 21:17

For the record my son goes to a school in the UK with no uniform and pretty minimal rules as to what is allowed. I think they have just banned flip flops finally :) Not a normal school but it works fine and they are too busy with other things to worry about what everybody is wearing.

Caprianna · 09/09/2017 21:20

Yes obviously Maisy, teens should not come to school half naked. However, my point again is how do teens globally manage to get dressed and come to school without school uniform and British teens cannot? I don't buy that at all. Give teens a little respect. It doesn't really matter if they have red hair or show a bit of flesh even.

My children by the way are neither quirky nor unique so I am a mum whose little darlings cannot possibly follow uniform - rules.

TSSDNCOP · 09/09/2017 21:50

Yes. But Herts you knew that before he went and t was possibly even a reason you selected it.

If you know full damn well, and I'd bet a months mortgage no one in Chislehurst/Bromley environs doesn't know this schools uniform, you're pretty bloody BU to think you're somehow better than.

MaisyPops · 09/09/2017 21:51

Caprianna
The bit about my reservation was a general comment by the way, not at your kids.

I personally don't care what they do with their hair or how they dress as long as it is appropriatefoe the environment. Where there is a uniform it should be followed though rather than getting into daft arguments with staff about why having a pink bit in their hair doesn't affect their brain.

On why British kids wouldn't manage. Personally, i think many would. I think the novelty of no uniform fashion shows would die down fairly quickly.
But the reason i can see it not working is because we seem to have a load of parents (proportion by school varies) who can't get their daft heads around the fact that in a basic school uniform no hoodies means no hoodies. And school shoes means school shoes, not black nike airs.
Could you imagine what these idiots woudl be like with a dress code! Grin

hertsandessex · 09/09/2017 22:12

TSSDNCOP I wasn't referring to your comments and this specific case but just picking up on the general point about UK uniform policies vs rest of the world. We do sometimes get a bit hung up on them and think our way is the only way.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/09/2017 22:14

You'd hate my school then. Coats are not allowed at all! Blazers only and if it's wet, tough.

nicknamehelp · 09/09/2017 22:24

I think i must be s bad mum as my ds in yr 9 has never had a coat - its not the done thing. So I doubt one day in Sept even if it was raining would of done your dd any lasting harm.

And yes you are being u. Im sure policy was available in plenty of time for u to read.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 09/09/2017 22:25

It amazes me the things people on mumsnet say they make appointments to see the head about. Heads must have no time for running the school the amount of time they must have to spend meeting parents about purple coats and other nonsense.

MaisyPops · 09/09/2017 22:43

TheColonelAdoresPuffins
I can only speak for my school, but that's exactly why we have a pastoral system for things to get passed through.

Usually the ones the make straight to the head are either serious issues or the ones who are well known among staff for all the wrong reasons so the head spares us all having to deal with them. Grin

MSLehrerin · 09/09/2017 23:37

All true @MaisyPops!

We live in a democracy, so the OP doesn't have to agree to the rules imposed by her DD's school. Hence she can find another school where they allow purple coats, pink hair, hot pants and boob tubes or whatever. Simples?

itsbetterthanabox · 10/09/2017 00:19

Can you point me towards those schools please?

ChristinaParsons · 10/09/2017 00:33

My DD goes to a school where they get sent home if their skirt measures 2 inches above their knee. We knew this before she went there

retreatwhispering · 10/09/2017 01:15

Families struggling to afford expensive compulsory uniforms should just find another school! Who knew that the answer was so simple? We should head over to those threads of parents worrying about the cost and give them the good news.

MSLehrerin · 10/09/2017 04:14

@itsbetterthanabox a quick Google search will sort you out on which schools have a more relaxed uniform policy.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 10/09/2017 06:07

Families struggling to afford expensive compulsory uniform isn't the problem in this case. It's not reading the uniform list before starting and then the child choosing to still be wearing her purple coat while filing into her form room opposite the head's office. If she'd taken it off on entering the school it probably wouldn't have been noticed.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 10/09/2017 06:18

Maisy. The only instances where I could imagine thinking i needed to go to the head would be if my child was being bullied or unsafe in some way and my efforts to get it sorted our by form tutor/head of house were fruitless. Or if my child's learning was being affected by something and again I'd failed to resolve the problem with other staff. Some of the crap that people claim they are going to go straight to the head about on here astounds me. It's as if they think the head of a school's only role is to act as some sort of petty complaints department officer.

heresn0ddy · 10/09/2017 06:24

This is laughable, and so pathetic.

The school was so unreasonable.

Ok you didn't check the full uniform policy, your fault, but you acknowledged it and let them know as soon as you had the time you would sort a black coat out.

It's not like she turned up in jeans or her pjs, it's just a coat FFS! Outdoor wear. Nowhere near as important as the actual uniform.

I would be furious if my kid was sent out in the rain with no coat, and I would be making myself heard.

LaughingElliot · 10/09/2017 06:27

I so agree with heresnoddy
How to make a new student feel welcome ...

mowgeli · 10/09/2017 07:05

I would write to the head teacher and say your daughter is not to pay or suffer your mistakes.
If she has any issues with your daughter she is to phone you and you will collect her.
She may be the head teacher but she is not your daughters Mum and I don't feel she should be allowed to make decisions about how warm or dry she is.

I went to a non uniform school so this is a shock to me.

Even my other school we did have school jackets but I don't think we had to wear them as they weren't actually warm enough

Jigglyball · 10/09/2017 07:09

My son's secondary school is even more unreasonable. They list a black winter coat emblazoned with their logo, that you can only buy at a single shop in the whole of the UK. That shop was out of stock. They do not specify that other coats are forbidden.

Last week during heavy rain, I made him wear a dark blue/black plain coat. He was sent back home in the rain and told to return within 20 minutes...without it. Outrageous.

MaisyPops · 10/09/2017 07:56

That's awful jiggly.
We had an issue with our supplier (only a couple of items though. The rest is buy where you like).
Students have arrived without those items. The supplier confirmed the issue. We are accepting a note for the next week until it resolves.
Common sense goes a long way.

Redsrule · 10/09/2017 08:54

Where I work we have a strict uniform but pupils from poor backgrounds are usually PPI and have an allowance against their name at the uniform shop. Bags and coats are also a personal choice but coats must be worn over the blazer. Yet you hardly ever see a coat and on wet days they tend to arrive in hoodies under the blazer which then get confiscated.

Btw not everyone goes into teaching because they are incapable of any other work. I actually enjoy the job and my Oxford degree gave me quite a few options!