Teachers say 14 year old is too quiet in class

[candlelight22]

Just had son's report and all his teachers say he is far too quiet. One even said he is the quietest he's ever taught!

He says he doesn't see the need to talk in class, but when a teacher asks a question they only ever get a one word answer. He will never ask a question, not even after all the lesson when others have gone.

His grades are good (mostly Bs and As with a smattering of Cs) but they all say his silence is hindering his progress. This makes me sad as he has so much potential, but might under achieve because of his silence/shyness.

I am worried as GCSE year starts soon. He's got no issues in school and was always quiet in primary school. We hoped he would grow out of it but seems not.

What can I do? He's not a great communicator out of school! We talk a lot as a family.

What should the school do? All very well saying he is quiet, but they need to do something to support him I think.

He's choosing science options as he likes these best.
Pleas help. No idea how to approach this. He's not going to change overnight.

It's a bit late by then, you need instant feedback in a lesson about whether someone gets something.

With quiet kids, I say to parents that the main issue is what they do if they don't understand something. If they won't ask me, won't ask the kid next to them and will just sit there and struggle, then there's a real problem.

But surely you'll know from their written work and tests, which you mark, whether they're generally understanding and doing well?

As noblegiraffe said, that's not the point. If a child is unable to ask questions about the lesson it WILL affect their learning and probably also their mental health. They might be doing well by writing and listening alone, but who knows how much better they could do if they could participate properly?

Also, if a child can't ask a question about the lesson they will be very likely to be unable to report bullying, ill health, personal problems etc which is also a safeguarding and MH risk.

It's a bit late by then, you need instant feedback in a lesson about whether someone gets something

So the first week in September when you have new students if one of them sits quietly and doesn't join in then that's enough for you to suspect they have an issue of some sort and possibly put a marker of some description on that childs file?

Surely you give it a few weeks for them to settle in and during that time you will set and receive work in to you so you will actually have plenty of opportunity to note whether the student is struggling or not with the content of your lessons and plenty of opportunity to see whether they understand you or not. So why do you need instant feedback?

I would not answer questions in class because I hated that wrong answers were greeted with laughs and then piss taking for the rest of the school year from other students because you got 1 question wrong. I did my work just fine, was in the top set for everything with no issues BUT staff were constantly on my back about speaking out in class, joining in etc I just didn't want to and insisting that I did made it a million times worse. I cannot genuinely see any reason why teachers do not change the way they interact with quieter students. There are plenty of ways to do this but because teachers teach to 'the majority and not the minority' they are reluctant to change how they plan their lessons.

All I have gained from this thread is;

I am quiet and hate petty drama and hate being put on the spot so that therefor means I need a label and theres something wrong with me.

I also hate working in groups. I hate giving a correct answer but all the others in the group getting the praise despite doing nothing. I also hate when I know the correct answer but everyone in the group overrides me and gives a wrong answer and then I get punished/blamed for an incorrect answer. Group work teaches clever children to be quiet and not join in as they wont be rewarded and it teaches children who are shirkers that someone else will always provide the answers for them and they wont need to study/work harder.

Ive found this thread really depressing I have never in my adult life ever thought I would be labelled but I am being labelled because I'm selective about who I talk to, how much I talk to and what about and that I try and avoid unnecessary drama in life by keeping well out of the way.

So the first week in September when you have new students if one of them sits quietly and doesn't join in then that's enough for you to suspect they have an issue of some sort and possibly put a marker of some description on that childs file?

No, that's totally bonkers and not how students would end up with a diagnosis of anything.

No one is going to end up with a diagnosis of selective mutism just for being a bit quiet, or for being an introvert.

Schools don't tend to push to diagnose anything, especially conditions like SM which aren't well-understood and tbh, not easy to understand.

In many areas there still isn't a clear diagnostic pathway - kids end up getting pinged back and forth between CAMHS and SLT with no-one taking responsibility for diagnosis and treatment.

Reinette, when you say this I did my work just fine, was in the top set for everything with no issues BUT staff were constantly on my back about speaking out in class, joining in etc I just didn't want to and insisting that I did made it a million times worse. this is unfortunately what can happen to SM kids and kids who are naturally quiet. Many teachers (not all, of course, but it only takes one teacher to set a child right back) just don't get that some children can't be 'disciplined' into communicating effectively. SM training for teachers would benefit a lot of students and schools.

Another adult with severe social anxiety here!

I would definitely try and knock this on its head, I really wish I had got it sorted as a child. All my reports were the same: very smart but extremely quiet and shy. The teachers didn't see it as a big issue because I went to a really troubled school (Only 35% A-C GCSEs), they saw it as a good thing I wasn't hurling staplers at their heads, but in a way I was just as disturbed as those kids just in a non-disruptive way.

It really does limit your life prospects. As harsh as it is, everyone is expected to be an outgoing, charming, persuasive presenter and if you can't present, speak in meetings, network etc. you will be seriously disadvantaged. I have a first and a technical degree with an A.I. related research project but I've found it counts for nothing with employers when they realise my social issues. I hate to drag down the thread but I have felt suicidal about it sometimes as all the therapy/CBT/mindfullness etc. doesn't seem to have had any effect.

I would try hard to get him out of this while he is still young.