Teachers say 14 year old is too quiet in class

[candlelight22]

Just had son's report and all his teachers say he is far too quiet. One even said he is the quietest he's ever taught!

He says he doesn't see the need to talk in class, but when a teacher asks a question they only ever get a one word answer. He will never ask a question, not even after all the lesson when others have gone.

His grades are good (mostly Bs and As with a smattering of Cs) but they all say his silence is hindering his progress. This makes me sad as he has so much potential, but might under achieve because of his silence/shyness.

I am worried as GCSE year starts soon. He's got no issues in school and was always quiet in primary school. We hoped he would grow out of it but seems not.

What can I do? He's not a great communicator out of school! We talk a lot as a family.

What should the school do? All very well saying he is quiet, but they need to do something to support him I think.

He's choosing science options as he likes these best.
Pleas help. No idea how to approach this. He's not going to change overnight.

It's all well and fine saying is grades are good but:

• English language still has I believe a Speaking and listening part.
• MFLs obviously have an oral part to them.
• He needs to be able to ask a question if he doesn't understand something.
• In life you need to be able to ask and answer questions (even if you are a computer programmer).

it sounds to me as if possibly some action plan is needed to ensure at least a certain level of ability in speaking out is possible, even if he is an introvert.

I was about to say what oldbirdy said. I've taught lots of shy introverts who are still capable of actually answering questions when asked. It's normal to not actively want to speak up in class and need a bit of prompting. It's not normal to be completely unable to engage with a teacher when necessary. A couple of students who I've taught who have done this have been selective mutes.

Are there any activities where he does talk? PE? Drama? Does he do any extra-curricular activities involving teamwork? If not, then the suggestion of asking the school to support him with small group work, or looking into selective mutism might be a good start.

Thank you so much for all your amazing advice.

I will try all your suggestions, those talking games and that book. Anything to get him to express himself. When I ask him what he wants for dinner/xmas he always says "I don't know." Doesn't have opinions about much. I'm working on this.

I do wish school wouldn't keep writing it in his reports. It's always the very first thing they write. It must demoralise him. He's more than that. He got an A* for physics and only got a 2 for effort! How does that work?

I'll phone school to see if they can offer some support. Teacher said his quietness would hinder his progress at GCSE. That worries me. Is he right? Rather than pointing out his quietness, I feel they should be intervening to develop his talking skills (pastoral/SENCO maybe?)

Don't know what teacher hoped to achieve by saying he was the quietest child he'd ever taught and saying his grades will suffer if he doesn't speak up. That won't make him start contributing in class.

I can understand teacher wanting feedback from lessons. I think he listens and takes it all in. He also doesn't have a competitive bone in his body (wish he did) so he may know the answers but doesn't feel the need to put his hand up. From his point of view I think he maybe wonders what that would achieve. He doesn't see it from a teacher's point of view ie teacher knows he is engaged and understands. This must frustrate teachers but overall his grades are good.

Interviews for jobs and uni do concern me. He would not come across well I don't think. Although for science subjects would it matter as much?

I think the pressure for him to answer questions might be counter productive. They label him as quiet pupil and so he is fulfills that role. As you say you can't force people to talk.

I don't want to make it an issue. But after reading teacher's comments I'm worried that he won't fulfill his potential if he doesn't contribute in class. I just want to help him.

When he's with his friends they don't talk much either (typical 14/15 year old boys).

I was very shy at school and uni really. Not till I started working did I gain the confidence to talk and contribute.

I was the same and so is dd. She gets these comments on every report and at every parent's evening. She sits and squirms when the teacher tries to talk to her.

Despite this she recently got a distinction in her English speaking test and does very well at her German oral.

She's capable of speaking when she's prepared and confident about what she's saying. She would just rather not have to so will never choose to speak in class or contribute more than absolutely necessary.

I'm not worried any more because I know she will grow out of it like I did. She's already making progress. I'd reassure him that the teachers have to find something to write for him to improve on and if he was being loud and disruptive they'd be moaning about that!

English language still has I believe a Speaking and listening part
AQA English Lang and Lit are 100% exam assessed.

Both my kids are quiet in class, we gave them targets to try to answer one question a week in each subject especially in French where they needed to get used to speaking....they still get feedback that they need to contribute more.They are gradually developing more confidence.

If he's not talking despite needing help then you have a problem. Otherwise I don't think it's a bad thing to be honest.

The current system favours the chatty and outgoing even if what they say is more low-level disruptive than worthwhile contribution.
Under the old system of assessing, teachers literally had a checklist of things that children needed to demonstrate in order to be considered a skill that they can master. They don't take into account how quieter members of the classroom may be showing their respect to the teacher by being quiet and listening and that if you evaluated what they said then the quiet person may have a much higher quality of offering to the class.

The example you give with regards to a one word answer to a teacher's question might be a problem. For maths x=45 degrees might be a good answer but in English there might need to be more detail because many questions are of the compare/explain/evaluate type which requires a few sentences. Does he know how to answer those kind of questions or does he feel too shy to speak out loud?

AQA English Lang and Lit are 100% exam assessed

Yes but there is also a spoken language endorsement which is a mandatory endorsement which all pupils sitting GCSE English language have to do. It normally involves a presentation and questions, though can be a discussion with a teacher. It is graded at pass/merit/distinction.

The speaking assessment is written by the student beforehand so a pupil achieving A-C grades can probably write a decent speech. It's unclear if the problem is nerves or something else.

I think this does need to be addressed because it will limit his future prospects if he just does not engage with people. My friend's DS is having to work very hard on this aspect of his personality in a job that took him a year to get. He has a degree in maths from Cambridge. Do have a plan of action because inaction can restrict what he can achieve. Most of us have to respond to others and not just when we choose to do so.

Disclaimer: I am not a parent, nor do I have children. But I do have severe social anxiety, so I can say what has helped me. My issues are very extreme - I didn't attend any university lectures until my MSc, cannot make eye contact, cannot speak in many social situations. But I did have the same comments about being the quietest child they had had etc.

Does your son suffer the anxiety about speaking, or is he 'just' an introvert? Some people do just not feel the need to speak much, and that's of course very normal. But it does sound like it's impacting your son more than 'just' being introverted if he's not managing to speak more even when requested.

If that's the case, the idea of 'random' questioning and being called upon to answer questions without initiating that can also be absolutely excruciating, and feeling under pressure to speak makes it feel even more impossible. I just go absolutely blank, and I wonder if that's what your son feels, hence the one word answers?

For me, I went through this way - never communicating, withdrawn, silent, no interacting - until my MSc, when my lecturer/supervisor started to actively suggest ways to help me. For me, this was a very very slow process. This started with him e-mailing me some questions about our topics and I would respond back by e-mail with some short answers. Then we built up to him starting to feed back some of my answers into seminars (and mentioning that it was my thoughts) so I could hear some feedback from others without speaking. Then we built up to he would ask me a yes/no question. Eventually onto a question that he had said he would ask in advance, where I just had to say the answer 'prepared'.

Obviously that is my personal situation, and may not work or be relevant in this case. It does also require a teacher who is willing to spend that time with him to actually help him speak up more (it's not very useful for them to just say 'He's too quiet!' It needs to be mutual if possible). But I wonder if there are some other things they can suggest (or that your son would be willing to try and practice) to help him build up to communicating a bit more in classes?

I wouldn't worry too much, we are required to say this sort of stuff, even if we think the student is fine. It is the sort of target set for students that don't actually need any targets set, but we have to set targets anyway. ignore.

Selectively mute? Whatever next I didn't speak a word ar school and did fine. I was just very shy and didn't feel the need to talk. I was loud ar home so my parents just thought it was funny when the teachers told them how quiet I was.

I got this in my school reports. I was always quiet because, tbh, I never felt that I had anything worthwhile to say and why take up time that other people could use. I mostly did fine on written work and sailed through exams. Could your son feel like this?

I will say that just telling someone they're too quiet and they need to speak up more Does Not Work. It just puts more pressure on and drives confidence down further.

i was like this at school, I always did well but never answered a question or asked one and it did hinder me. Not particularly academically but certainly in the job world.
I have spent years making myself talk and ask questions and am much happier and more successful at work as a result.
I don't think his teachers are penalising him but not asking questions is an issue as there will come a time when he doesn't understand something and if he's not in the habit of asking it's really difficult to start.

henrythehoover that is the definition of selective mutism. Someone who is unable to speak in one situation whilst speaking freely and fully in another. I'm glad you have been left with no I'll effects but the evidence shows 30 percent of selectively mute children go on to be selectively mute adults, a further 30 percent can speak enough to manage but continue to have significant difficulties with communicating. There are plenty of SM adults on the Smira page, now in their 20s and 30s, who still have to take their increasingly elderly parents to doctors appointments, who can't get a job because they can't interview. It is a condition that can blight lives. Getting support can only be a good thing.

I do struggle with interviews and am still known as quiet. I tend to avoid the Dr's so you may be into something.

FGS, its not selective mutism if you as a teen don't feel comfortable speaking in class.

Caprianna, what is your expertise in selective mutism?
No one has said it definitely is, people have said it might be worth investigating. "Not being comfortable speaking in class" - but being able to do so if called upon, being able to do a presentation, give a considered response, all the while wishing you were not having to-do that is normal. Only ever being able to give at the most a one word answer even when given time and where more is expected, that is not normal. That is selective mutism. And yes I do know what I'm talking about.

From an English teacher's perspective, the problem I have is when I get a small A Level set with one or two very quiet students who aren't willing/able to contribute to discussion. My A Level teaching is very discussion based, and exploring different readings of the texts is one of the assessment criteria. Therefore the silent students who sit and wait for everyone else in the class to do the hard work of generating ideas can be incredibly frustrating - not just to me but to their peers who feel that they are doing all the "heavy lifting".

I used to get this throughout DS' school career. Like you, I got fed up with reading the comment about his quietness in every school report - I used to think "Yes, I know, so what are you doing about it"? Then, when he moved to sixth form college and we went to a parents' evening there, I was inwardly sighing when the English teacher started coming out with 'He's very quiet in class.." - only to go on to cheer when she continued with "but that's absolutely fine, because when he does say something, it's worth listening to." She pointed out that often it's very much a case of the emptiest vessel making the most noise. Finally, after 12 years in education, someone got him. He really blossomed in the sixth form and went on to become a teacher, where he isn't quiet at all.

That reminded me of my GCSE verbal assessment for English I just couldn't do it even when the teacher took me and two friends aside to do it. To this day the thought of standing up in front of people makes me want to puke.

Poor Henry you had SM and no one ever understood.

It's great that you have managed in adulthood.

There is a teen and adults SMIRA Facebook page if you wanted to think about it with others, if it might help you process your experience.

Oh dear, the extrovert-bias strikes again

Exactly! I was a quiet child and constantly got the "too quiet" complain in my reports. As if it helped! I just sat there trying to do my work and hoping the teacher wouldn't "pick on me" to answer any questions. Even when I did know the answer, I'd not speak up, and would rather say I don't know than give an answer, even if I thought it was right. The more the teachers went on about it and asked me questions, the more I'd clam up. You can't change peoples' behaviour. There's absolutely NO REASON for teachers to keep picking on the quiet pupils, even moreso when it must be clear they don't want to be picked on. My written class work and homework were good, so the teacher should have known I was doing OK without bullying me about being quiet in class.

From an English teacher's perspective, the problem I have is when I get a small A Level set with one or two very quiet students who aren't willing/able to contribute to discussion. My A Level teaching is very discussion based,

So use a different teaching method then!