Do you agree the school completely messed up ?

[Alonggoesthetit]

On Mother's Day, we were told that my fil was terminally ill and only had weeks to live. One of his last wishes was to see the kids (13 and 10) before he got too ill. We have organised to go on the Tuesday and to come back on the Thursday. Eldest 's school is very strict about absence so I called the attendance officer and explained that my father in law was dying that he wanted to see his grand kids a last time before things got really bad. It's relevant to say that ds had 100 % attendance, he never missed a day at school even when ill.

I was confident that this 2 days and a half absence was going to be accepted. I picked ds up at lunchtime on the Tuesday. I saw him and he still didn't have the authorisation. He got told by the secretary that if he couldn't find his head of year, he had to get his authorisation from the deputy head.

He did that but got told no I won't sign that. Ds was tearful, I was completely stunned. He invited to the conference room to talk. I explained that ds's grand dad was dying and that we all needed to go to spend some time with him. It was one of his last wishes. The deputy head refused to authorise the Wednesday and Thursday off...he only authorised the Tuesday afternoon, suggested we go then come back in the evening (it's in Devon)... He said that if ds didn't come back, he will be given 15 hours after school, we will be fined, he will be considered a truant.

At that point, ds was really upset and I was shocked. We went to meet dh then we left for Devon. All we talked about was the situation at school when we should have been trying to spend quality time with my fil. My father in law was to ds, don't worry go back to school, it's shocking but I don't want you to be in trouble because of me. Ds was also adamant he was going back to school as he didn't want to be in trouble.

So we went, we caught an early train and ds was back at school on time. I left my dh and my other ds there.

Things went from bad to worst for my fil and he passed away in the night Thursday to Friday..2 days after we last saw him.

I complaint to the school and we are going to meet with the school this week. I don't know what I want from this thread just acknowledgment of our treatment. We have been treated dreadfully ? We had the right to make my ds miss school isn't it ?

Disgraceful behaviour on part of the school. I am very strict in absences but this is a total no brainier. Should be providing support where needed for losing a grandparent. Not creating new non-problems about absence.

Basically when we do registers there's different letters/signs we put in.
E.g. Most of the time it's either / (present) L (late) or N (not present).

But there are different letters that can be put in for different circumstances. E.g. somebody in my form brings me a note saying that Thursday morning they have a hospital appointment then I mark them as M (medical).
If a child is off poorly they get the letter for illness and there are other ones e.g. educated off site, dual registration, sporting event, school trip etc. Usually the school's attendance person will deal with those so they're already on when I come to take my register. Your average class teacher tends not to do those. But there's one for authorised absence and there's one for unauthorised absence.

They're the same list that's been in every school I've worked in. So your school will have the option of putting it down as authorised. They just have to be able to justify it when/if there is an inspection or audit for attendance.

They could probably have put it down as Code C Leave of absence authorised by the school.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/school-attendance

And afaik some of the codes are t counted in statistics. I know for educated off site for example it's not - they used that when my ds was attending a course for his sensory processing rather than M for medical. Because he was being educated technically!

It will either be coded C or O - register shouldn't be left as N (attendance officer or whoever in that role will decide and amend).

Out of interest is it a free school or part of a large academy chain? Those types of school seem to be worse for things like that.

I'm not sure on this. All schools are under huge pressure and attendance is part of this. Poor attendance = poor ofsted (potentially) and this is going to impact a school's reputation and in turn whether you perceive it as a 'good' school and want to send your child there.

It really isn't straightforward and I don't think it is fair to blame academies for being worse - they are often schools that have previously being failing and attendance will often have been poor.

LornaD40
Yes. Our attendance person does most of the codes. We put N if they aren't in our lesson and attendance person picks up any N on the register, chases them and updates the register. Makes it easy for them to filter rather than us putting unauthorised when actually it has been and we just don't know as classroom staff.

It really isn't straightforward and I don't think it is fair to blame academies for being worse - they are often schools that have previously being failing and attendance will often have been poor.
That's why I asked about big academy chains because often they go into challenging schools and tend to offer less leeway on things.
Whereas I'm in an academy (stand alone) that's been historically great, and still is. The level of discretion we show to different circumstances is amazing. I wonder whether us being a stand alone school that's not stressing about ofsted as such makes a difference.

Whereas I'm in an academy (stand alone) that's been historically great, and still is. The level of discretion we show to different circumstances is amazing. I wonder whether us being a stand alone school that's not stressing about ofsted as such makes a difference.
Possibly! I'm in an academy which is part of a fairly large MAT. I think we show a lot of discretion and judge each case on it's merits, although are quite 'tight' on day to day attendance. I wouldn't say we stress about ofsted generally but our attendance data (I'm pastoral) is a constant stressor - trying to get that balance between being compassionate/lenient (and taking the word of each parent as true), and the pressures around data. Urgh. It's horrible!!

Hats off to you Lorna being pastoral. I inwardly salute all our pastoral staff.

Attendance is a funny thing and seems to drag up the 'my case is special' side of some MNusers. This thread has stayed pretty good. Admittedly it probably helps OPs school was so far out of line.

Sorry if I've got it wrong on the big MAT things. Near me, the school's that have recently been eaten up by big MATS are the ones who seems to keep turning up in local chatter for one reason or another (often where parents dislike the fact there's rules being enforced that their child has to follow. But some where strict has gone too far according to the grapevine).

Silly question but which staff in a school are pastoral staff and what are their responsibilities?

Raspberry - generally attendance, behaviour, safeguarding/child protection and pretty much everything other than teaching/learning (for me it is the above plus friendship issues, medical stuff)l

Oh and depends on the schools structure. We have a pastoral lead for each year group. Other schools might have an attendance officer, safeguarding lead etc which work across the whole school. Primaries generally have a home school link worker or similar.

Ds school has the Inco. Then there are Lsa's and they have specific roles. Some are Elsa trained, some do traveller support and some are keyworkers (so ds has a keyworker because he needs more support).

Then they have family support worker who does attendance work and a school nurse who does medical.
The HOY will deal with some pastoral stuff too.
Then within the school pupils have roles such as bullying ambassadors who support pupils who have been bullied and keep an eye out.

It works well.

Thanks for the explanation.

We teach our youngsters a days' attendance at school is more important than a dying granddad? God help this country.

We teach our youngsters a days' attendance at school is more important than a dying granddad? God help this country.

Well, it sets them up for the world of work, doesn't it? Where the employer's convenience and profit comes before anything else, and the worker drones better not have the nerve to be human.

Sorry for your loss, OP

Sorry for your loss. How did it go today?

Thank you. They admitted they messed up and apologised profusely.

They admitted they messed up and apologised profusely.

But that doesn't give your DS his time back with his granddad. At least you may have stopped some other grandparent and child suffering the same.

It doesn't give us the time back but I have to let it go isn't it ? We were victim of a school communication breakdown apparently which is being investigated. Also, we were told that some pupils had at least 5 or 6 grandmas dying ... some family lies so they can leave early on holidays and pay cheaper plane tickets

They is awful OP, I'm so sorry you were treated with such insensitivity by the school over this. I'm glad you've had a full apology but as you say, your DS can't get the time back with his Grandad.

What do they mean, communication breakdown?

I've worked in many schools and this is what exceptional circumstances are for.

Whether they have people with several Grans 'dying' twice is irrelevant.
They behaved appallingly to refuse the absence. To threaten what would be a child grieving on return for the loss of a grandparent in detention for fifteen hours is absolutely awful and tbh would make me consider moving schools unless my opinion of the school otherwise was very good and my child and I personally both received an apology.

Apparently the school attendance officer sent a mail to ds's head of year to ask for this absence. Head of year never got back to us. Overzealous deputy head didn't try to understand and refused categorically to allow the absence. This conversation should never have been happening in front of ds. If it was not for this idiot intimating my son, I would have take him away regardless of what deputy head said.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and more sorry that, as you said, you will never get that time back.

Quite right that they apologised. Unfortunately, I'm sure you will struggle to trust them now.

The thing about people having 5-6 grandmas dying is correct. It is shocking how many parents actually make up that a relative is dying so a student can take time off school. The relative always lives abroad and it always falls just after a school holiday. I have actually seen before it be pointed out to parents/students that "erm... that relative has passed away before...". However these students have poor attendance records usually, and they should have recognised that this is not typical for you.