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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Sixth-form girl living alone

523 replies

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 10:13

Do you think that a private mixed sixth form should admit a new pupil who will be living alone in a small rented apartment during the week, returning home to her parents at the weekend?

OP posts:
tiggytape · 16/03/2017 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/03/2017 13:31

Many schools / sixth form colleges don't talk much to parents even when the student lives at home. Increasingly the responsibility for academic achievement lies with the student. Plenty of 16yr olds get pregnant, take drugs, drink while living at home with parents. Whilst it might not be ideal I think the responsibility lies with the parents for making the decision and the child for their education. At a Scottish Uni I knew a few 16yr olds who coped fine with being away from home and studying. It's maybe not ideal and not what I might choose for my dc but the school didn't know the child and as many would be fine in that situation they couldn't not admit just on that basis. Whether they should have kept her there once things went wrong is perhaps another question but maybe things didn't unravel until later in sixth form when she was nearer 17/18.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:32

Let's be clear: the specific situation in the OP is not so much of interest as the general role and responsibility of school and parents for the welfare of its pupils. The specifics are useful for illustration only.

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 13:33

Why is the blame for the girl failing at university not being laid at the feet of the university?

Why are the living arrangements that another set of parents make for their own child anything to do with any other parents at the school?

BadToTheBone · 16/03/2017 13:37

I know plenty of people who had their own places at 16, certainly not unusual IME. They all did fine in life, in fact most are doing fantastically well. In this instance I'd blame the girl first and foremost, followed closely by her parents. School not so much.

Pallisers · 16/03/2017 13:38

*Why does it matter?

I think it's disingenuous to make claims to a situation based on gossip. If the OP was taking the story from another individual that is also not related to the sixth-former - then all of this is hear-say only. Not fact. And we would also have no idea just how the school handled the admission in the first instance.

And what difference it makes on whether the school was state, or private, who knows. But OP keeps bringing it up.*

But we're on a website not talking about a real person we all know. Have the scenarios posted about here are "gossip" by that definition (my neighbour does xyz/my SIL said xyz) we never now the real truth of what is being described - or even if it happened at all. We just respond to what is posted - like it is a hypothetical. Or if we think the opening post is vague and crap, we don't bother replying.

I would have thought the private school element was relevant because private schools can be selective in admission and OP felt living alone should have been a criterion that the school applied to this girl to refuse admission. Presumably state schools would be different (they would where I am)

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:39

"I'd blame the girl first and foremost"

Really?!

OP posts:
spiney · 16/03/2017 13:39

I agree as I said earlier that asking a pupil to lie makes the school look very unreliable. If it was to protect her vulnerability then they seemed not to have followed that concern much further.

But really the other DC didn't let on because they were protecting the girls undertaking to the school? Very convenient- parents can't find out. Party Flat.

Ah I see where this is going. It does seem to hinge a lot on the school telling the pupil not to reveal she is living alone.

BadToTheBone · 16/03/2017 13:41

Yes, 16 is old enough to take responsibility for own actions. It's not so long since I was 16, I don't blame anyone else for my actions at that age.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:42

Pallisers - indeed, it would seem from other posters and also from the girl's school's desire to cover up the fact that she was living alone that parents with DC at private schools have a legitimate expectation that their DC's classmates are living at home with their parents.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 16/03/2017 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 16/03/2017 13:45

other DC were vulnerable because one of their classmates could host anyone anytime she like with no adult supervision

Despite having my own flat the first time i got drunk we were at my friends house while her parents were working. I lost my virginity at another friends house while his mum was at weekly football practice with his brother. I had my first spliff at a mates house while their parents were shopping. Was that my friends fault? or was it down to their parents leaving us unsupervised? They should have been there to stop me right?

Of course they bloody shouldn't, they trusted their kids to behave while they were out, I was free not to do any of those things, I made my own decisions, possibly not very well thought out decisions but decisions none the less. The point is if teenagers want to have a party/get drunk/have sex, they will find a way, whether there is a friend with their own flat or not, I can remember many a drunken afternoon/evening in a field, while people lied to their parents about whose house they were at and people were shagging in the bushes. A classmate having their own flat did not make anyone, other than possibly her, vulnerable. (also no one was having sex in my flat other than the guy i was sleeping with, it was my home not a hotel)

AlexanderHamilton · 16/03/2017 13:45

I've just re- read the report.

The school didn't meet the minimum requirement for boarding schools because some students arranged their own lodgings even though the inspection highly praised the school owned & run boarding houses.

It appears however that only if a school is registered as a boarding school does this apply.

spiney · 16/03/2017 13:45

Does your friend want to sue the school's ass? Wink

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 13:46

So before any child is admitted to sixth form their living arrangements have to be disclosed to all other parents in their year group?

What about living with grandparents? What about caring for sibling ? With disabled parent?

What about council single parent family? I mean. They might e not quite the right sort and if the grades aren't up to scratch then we can blame them!

Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 13:46

Did the school really tell the girl to lie? Do we know that as a FACT? Do whe know what safeguarding the school did? No, we don't.

And as for the girl lying, again why didn't the other parents know where their children were partying? Did no one ever say, and what about X's parents? A lie like that wouldn't stick for long if the other parents had been more vigilant about their children's whereabouts.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:48

Actually, tiggytape, I know a whole family of three DC who were "asked to leave" their private school because the other parents were complaining that these three DC were left alone to party and were creating havoc. Families' living arrangements are a safeguarding issue for schools, though perhaps not at all straightforward to manage.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 16/03/2017 13:53

But they weren't partying during school hours, presumably?? Were the school really to be held accountable for what the entire class did after hours, leaving the kids own parents with no need to bother?
You're sounder weirder and weirder...

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:56

When grades and behaviour/attendance start falling in a year group, I think schools have a legitimate role in both investigating why and also taking action to remove ringleaders, especially in cases where parents do not take action to fulfill their legitimate responsibilities.

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 16/03/2017 13:56

Only on MN?

Happened much more commonly, when I was that age. Now not so much.

cowgirlsareforever · 16/03/2017 13:57

You probably have a point Bobo

Oblomov17 · 16/03/2017 13:59

She failed her 1st year of uni?
So, they are now looking back at the 2 or do years prior to that.
But she got her A'level's and got INTO Uni?
Hmm

ealingwestmum · 16/03/2017 14:00

But we're on a website not talking about a real person we all know. Have the scenarios posted about here are "gossip" by that definition (my neighbour does xyz/my SIL said xyz) we never now the real truth of what is being described - or even if it happened at all. We just respond to what is posted - like it is a hypothetical

That's fair enough. Also give the OP to chop, change and drip further detail as this goes on, to ensure it still skews negatively towards the school. I am not sure why a private school needs to be judgementally discriminatory to a sixth former whose application presents well against its criteria from the outset. Many others have demonstrated that they are mature to handle living arrangements from 16, in the same way as a not all 9 year olds can handle travelling to school on public transport, but some can. The school can recommend it's not ideal/what support structure is in place etc, but it's not actually illegal.

Things have clearly gone wrong here. It's who the scapegoat is..deduced by a made up set of info for illustration purposes. Could have stated that from the offset, at least posters then know it's fabricated.

Oblomov17 · 16/03/2017 14:00

Explore? The responsibility for WHAT exactly?

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:04

I think you are confusing responsibility with discrimination, ealingwestmum.

OP posts: