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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

are you told your child is quiet in class?

33 replies

ggirl · 10/02/2017 20:56

son in yr 9
not sure if there is anything I can do about it tbh

he's fairly confident boy , lots of friends ,fairly average in school , no problems with behaviour in school , typical sulky sod at home

just wondering if anyone else has the same from teachers , and if your child has changed??

OP posts:

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2017 20:59

Yes - told that my Y10 dd is quiet in class and it would be nice if she contributed more in class....but she's doing fine academically so 'meh' (she also has anxiety)

booellesmum · 10/02/2017 21:01

I have DD'S in year 11 and year 8.
Have had this every parents evening since reception.
The annoying thing now they are in seniors is they get a mark for class contribution on their reports.
They are both doing well at school so I am really not bothered if they are quiet in class.

Original poster

ggirl · 10/02/2017 21:01

good to hear HMC ....long time no see btw

I always feel I have to do something about it ..but I can't change his character

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booellesmum · 10/02/2017 21:04

I wouldn't worry. I am a natural introvert as well and never said anything in class.
My career choice though, which I love, involves me talking to patients all day.
I have learned to put on a facade.
He will be fine.

Original poster

ggirl · 10/02/2017 21:04

didn't realise they got marks for class contribution

OP posts:

hmcAsWas · 10/02/2017 21:36

I don't think those are marks that contribute to their GCSE grades though?

(Nice to see you ggirl )

feelingdizzy · 10/02/2017 21:39

Am told my dd is quiet in class,she is working on speaking up a bit more,her brother in the year below has the totally opposite problem,his report was littered with lively chatty trouble focussing comments.

booellesmum · 10/02/2017 21:43

No, the mark doesn't contribute to gcse.
It is a poor/reasonable/good/very good/excellent.
They will just never get a good comment on this but always do well for achievement.

user1471467016 · 10/02/2017 21:49

If I say this its just information and context, so you have a picture of them in class during the day. I don't think it's a point to improve, a problem or something that needs changing. Some really confident kids are that quietly, some just (very charmingly) shy, some like listening. You always get the best little nuggets of insight into what kids think from watching 'the quiet' one - they are often the most insightful as they take everything in, without directly influencing it

Original poster

ggirl · 10/02/2017 21:53

I won't be worrying about it then , thanks

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flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 10/02/2017 22:03

Yes my eldest is I. Yr 9 and I had lots of this and in the end at parents evening I said to her " ok what do you feel about this ?" She said she just doesn't do all the drama and would rather read. So that's what I told them, I've since had calls saying kids have told teachers they think she's suicidal and anxious, speaking to my daughter this is because the girls reporting it were trying to draw her into their drama ( pick sides) so she said " for gods sake, I hate my life"
She is happy, she is mature she doesn't speak up because of all the hormonal drama at school, I told the school I'm glad they take this seriously but that she is happier with her books and a couple of casual mates, we aren't all social butterflies. Hth

Original poster

ggirl · 10/02/2017 23:16

your daughter should be proud she hasn't been drawn into the dramas of teenage girls .
Thanks its nice to know that he's not abnormal , I do think its sad that kids are meant to feel deficient in some way because they're quiet . It's always been brought up as a negative thing .

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Allthebestnamesareused · 10/02/2017 23:31

Went to parents evening. Pretty much everyone was saying DS was quiet in class. When we got to geog teacher he ssid - well what do you think I am going to ssy about DS? I said tgat he is quiet. He laughed and said ' oh no DS has plenty to say in geography and some of it is even about geography!!' 😂😂

Bensyster · 11/02/2017 07:19

Get this every year but this time dd had contributed more in French, discovered a joy in debating in RE and been described as a quiet leader in PE.....Ds still reluctant to participate in class but apparently knows the answer when asked.

pinkhorse · 11/02/2017 07:45

This was me at school. My mum always said to me the teachers said I was too quiet and didn't say anything. This was said every single school year.

I still am quiet at work now. I got good exam results though and have a good job!

Brytte · 11/02/2017 07:59

This is my dd too. Just had Y9 parents evening. She's inwardly confident and extremely vocal when engrissed in team sports so I'm not worried. Class dynamics seem to make a big difference to her so there are some classes she'll contribute in more comfortably than others.

thisagain · 11/02/2017 10:17

Both my girls are quiet in class and every parents evening the only criticism they had was that they didn't contribute much. They always have top grades and their contribution was said (by the teachers) to be more for the benefit of others. My eldest used to say, if I know the answer, why do I need to tell everyone I know the answer? My youngest is more reluctant due to slight anxiety, but neither liked children they saw as showing off and neither liked drama. It has not affected either of their progress. I wouldn't worry about it.

Badbadbunny · 11/02/2017 11:13

I used to get this at school a few decades ago. It just made be worse and increased my anxiety levels to the extent that I started spending the entire lesson just worrying about being asked questions and it got so bad, I'd stay numb and not say anything even if a teacher asked a question I knew the answer to.

In the first year parents' at secondary, a few teachers mentioned it about my son, despite getting top marks in tests and for homework etc. I turned it back to them and asked them if they were happy with progress - they all said yes, so I said "well what's the problem then" - they couldn't answer! It seems they just like gobby kids who contribute more. He's now in year 10 and still getting top marks, so it's done him no harm by not making a big deal of it, and over the years, he has started to contribute more.

So, don't stress about it and don't make a big deal of it. Some kids are naturally quiet. The more you make an issue of it, you risk them becoming more anxious and worsening the situation.

OdinsLoveChild · 11/02/2017 11:24

Yes my dd. She also gets marked down for being quiet. Her termly report yesterday gives her a flurry of expected grade 8's at gcse but her class effort is low for every subject. She just wont join in due to anxiety. She keeps herself to herself and she hates the drama of teenagers. Shes a school librarian specifically to stay out the way of the louder children.
Im not worried she's doing well and has lots of extracurricular hobbies including kickboxing which the staff always raise an eyebrow to when they find out because she doesn't seem the sort

exexpat · 11/02/2017 11:36

Every parents evening I make a bet with DD about how many of her teachers will say that she's quiet/needs to speak up more in class - I think it peaked at about 8/10 teachers in year 8.

She's now year 9, and although they still say similar things, this year several teachers said that although she doesn't exactly push herself forward, she does contribute well in small group discussions and other ways (and her marks are excellent in written work), so they are happy with her. She is highly academic, but I think slightly lacking in confidence when there are other bright but more outgoing children in class.

Original poster

ggirl · 11/02/2017 15:09

thanks for all the feedback

big up for the quiet kids

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WankersHacksandThieves · 11/02/2017 17:32

I have two DSs 16 and 15. One is quiet at home and the other isn't.

Both are always described as "quiet" in class and have been since they started school. The one that is always quiet is quite socially anxious but is doing well in school and has a nice group of friends who are similar to him. The noisy one does contribute in class more (has to really given the subjects he's chosen tend to spark more debate), he is doing less well academically and i think the people he hangs about with at school (i wouldn't really call them friends at this point) drag him down a bit as he is easily led and if I'm honest isn't as focussed and is a bit lazy. There is nothing wrong with the boys he hangs about with, they are just less academically able than DS and I don't count them as friends as he doesn't socialise or have anything to do with them out of school.

Corialanusburt · 16/02/2017 10:09

Often children who are quiet get marked down in a variety of areas. Quiet DD did a written book review. She hadn't found the book scintillating so described it and explained why she hadn't liked it.
The very socially adept child next to her copied all The superlatives the teacher had put on the board to guide them and called the book an excellent read.
Teacher marked work and called the loud girl's review excellent and DD's accurate.
It's difficult because you want them to be their own person, but being ingratiating and vocal takes you a long way.

troutsprout · 16/02/2017 12:38

I have 2 quiet children
I can see that it may be really frustrating for a teacher when you probably know that a student could contribute something really good in class.
But..at the same time kids wo talk all the time are really irritating to everyone apart from their own parents so I'm kind of glad my 2 are quiet

ZombieApocalips · 18/02/2017 13:09

Teachers prefer chatty children because it's easier for them to assess them.
I think that the only time that it's a negative trait is when a child doesn't ask for help when they need it.
I was a quiet kid and so are mine. I was raised to be respectful and listen to the teacher and felt irritated by the kids who shouted out or wasted the teacher's time with low level disruption. (Before anyone screams Special Needs, I know children with Special Needs who know how to behave in class and believe that many kids who misbehave are neurotypical)

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