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Secondary education

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Original poster

My Daughter phoned me at lunchtime to tell me she has been given detention for burping in the canteen at school

132 replies

user1484227404 · 12/01/2017 14:24

She has told me she was sat at the table talking with her friends eating her lunch when she happened to let out a tiny belch. She thought nothing of it carried on talking to her friends when a teacher on a table by them then turned round and asked them which one of you burped . My daughter who is in year 7 said it was her the teacher then told her off and before she left to go outside with her friends handed her a detention for tomorrow lunchtime because she didant say excuse me . I am fuming right now and want to phone the school as this is ridiculous . Anyone got any advice ?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 16/01/2017 18:33

I agree taking her shopping and letting her stay up late to watch films to help her get over the trauma of having a detention is total madness, regardless of how big or small the burp was.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 16/01/2017 18:38

No, I admit I typed that badly. I meant to write that being embarassed may have been the reason she didn't say excuse me, as in she froze and couldn't say anything. Not sure if that makes any more sense or not!

Also fair point about whether bodily functions are rude or not. I'm not sure of he answer to this one! I might have a fairly skewed view as a HCP on this one.

wowbutter · 16/01/2017 18:39

If you reward her for getting a detention you are creating a monster.
Regardless of how she reacted, it is your job to talk it through and reassure, that is all.
Shopping and staying up late cos the nasty teacher punished her? For fucks sake! It's one detention. Do it and move on.

In work unfair things happen and you move on. You need to grow up too no teach your child the world isn't fair.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 16/01/2017 18:40

Cross posted with a few people. My personal opinion is that yes, it is bad manners if you don't say excuse me but that sometimes people are embarrassed and do the wrong thing. I would view that as a separate issue to doing it for comedy effect.

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 16/01/2017 19:24

When I burp, I say pardon. But I'm
33 and I can say what the fuck I want, really. What I want to be able to say is "fucks sake, I hate burping - it's properly embarrassing and loud and I CAN'T HELP IT"

Can you help your wee's and poo's?? No. Course you can't. And I can't help burping!!

sashh · 16/01/2017 19:32

I walked in to a belching competition a couple of weeks age.

It was heard on another table so loud, and the detention seems to be for not saying 'excuse me' ie not apologizing not for the belch itself.

Also she shouldn't be phoning you, even if it is lunch time.

bethquinton · 16/01/2017 19:41

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Figure17a · 16/01/2017 19:42

This can't be the full story. For a start have ever heard the noise in a school canteen? Neither the burp nor any "pardon me" would be heard by anyone further away than the next seat.

On a separate note is "pardon me" correct? Wink

BishopBrennansArse · 16/01/2017 19:44

KLAXON

no one, I repeat no one is allowed bodily functions! Especially not unexpected ones!

Honestly. I've burped so quietly that excusing myself would have drawn attention to it and made unnecessary fuss. Or is that preferable?

Original poster
user1484227404 · 16/01/2017 19:50

My Daughter got punished for not saying pardon me simple as that . she is a very quiet girl has gone to secondary school and has had to make new friends as most of her friends from primary have gone to other schools. She has done that she has three main friends they are all polite and well behaved and her tutor discussed this at parents evening . So when my daughter got told off in the canteen by a teacher she didn't know in front of other year sevens and kids in other year groups it was embarrassing for her . She hasant ever been in trouble since she started either so it did shock her . I obviously told her about detention before the start of the year as I explained to her all the differences about secondary school and she understood they expect you take more responsibility for stuff. She just got unlucky that this teacher felt my DD can only learn her manners from a DT rather than having a simple quiet word with her and this has upset my girl . I didn't spoil her over the weekend I just took her out to get her mind off it her tutor today had to tell other children in there form to also not mention it again as they were asking my DD about it and kept bothering her today .

OP posts:
PrettyBotanicals · 16/01/2017 19:54

You could always have taken responsibility for her social education yourself, OP and taught her in the preceding years that burping in public is vulgar and, if it can't be helped, should be excused.

And if she insists on doing it and not excusing herself, as the majority of children would, then I think the correct response would have been 'bad luck, hope you've learned a lesson.'

I can't imagine what possible assault on her civil liberty would necessitate subsequent staying up late as being taken shopping to get over this.

You sound a little unhinged in need of perspective.

Floggingmolly · 16/01/2017 19:58

Why didn't she already know the polite thing to do after belching? Most high school kids (and far younger) know it's basic manners to excuse yourself...

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 16/01/2017 20:03

Perhaps she did know what to say but couldn't get the words out. Maybe she froze with embarrassment? That's certainly happened to me (not this exact situation!) before where I have known what to say but went very shy and felt I couldn't speak. That's as an adult! Speculation of course but surely that's a possibility.

Original poster
user1484227404 · 16/01/2017 20:04

She has good manners she rarely burps at home and if she does she says pardon me . It was just she got caught out by a tiny belch while eating her lunch her friends were all laughing as 11 and 12 year olds do and she didant know what to do and if they had not been sat near this teacher My DD wouldn't have even noticed what she had done TBH

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 16/01/2017 20:16

Absolutely ridiculous parenting (or lack of it). Your child is now in secondary school,and you need to let her grow up, take the rough with the smooth and not turn an 'absolute nothing' into a traumatic episode. You are growing a demon if you don't back away and let the school,get on with their job. You can't be phoning every few days about such trivial things at secondary age, for goodness sake. I think you may be struggling with the move and not having the regular contact you get at primary so are inventing problems.

user1484597799 · 16/01/2017 20:25

I remember getting a detention for burping in class at secondary school and I said excuse me . It was embarrassing as like described here it was the smallest of burps and my teacher she called me out in front of the whole class told me off and gave the detention it wasn't nice . I did quickly move on but always remember it people having a go at this poor mother need to think on if her daughter is a quiet girl this will knock her confidence a lot and she has obviously done what she thinks best to console her poor DD end of .

acatcalledjohn · 16/01/2017 20:48

Sorry but that to me doesn't make sense either. Surely at that age, a child should know that burping is bad manner as would the other kid. It's the fact that it is bad manner that makes the kids do it. If kids were likely to tease for such behaviour, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

Kids are not embarrassed when they burp/fart, they love the attention they get from others' reaction.

Knowing it's bad manners is one thing, but sometimes embarrassment renders you unable to handle a situation appropriately. Nothing strange about that.

Talk about tarring all kids with the same brush. What nonsense. All women love to flirt. All men cheat.

Also nonsense.

debbs77 · 16/01/2017 20:48

Blimey, my daughter would be mortified too. She really is a good girl and no trouble at school. However, she would've said pardon me. Without having to be brought up on it by a teacher

CancellyMcChequeface · 16/01/2017 21:30

Talk about tarring all kids with the same brush. What nonsense. All women love to flirt. All men cheat.

This. I'd have been horribly embarrassed by burping or farting at school as a child. Some kids think it's hilarious. Not all of them!

The detention sounds massively OTT. If your daughter is generally quiet and well-behaved then even if she had indulged in a bit of silliness with friends, a teacher telling her off and pointing out that it was rude would have been more than enough. Zero-tolerance policies affect the well-behaved, conscientious or sensitive children the most - those who get detentions all the time won't care about another, but a Y7 who has never had one will be understandably upset if they're given one for something petty.

I think that children having to deal with unfairness or pettiness from school staff is a flaw in the education system, not a character-building feature, and that it's good parenting to tell your child if you feel a school decision is unfair and support/comfort her appropriately, even if she still has to go along with what the school has said. That doesn't mean that if she later gets a detention for something that actually deserves one, you'll support bad behaviour and 'create a monster.' There's middle ground here!

Redsrule · 16/01/2017 22:24

So burping DTs are hereditary in your family OP?

BishopBrennansArse · 16/01/2017 22:44
BishopBrennansArse · 16/01/2017 22:45

(That's what I think of the detention)

pieceofpurplesky · 16/01/2017 22:49

So your DD burped loud enough for all her friends to hear and to mess about and laugh, causing a disturbance and not saying excusing her lack of manners.

swingofthings · 17/01/2017 06:02

Can you help your wee's and poo's?? No. Course you can't. And I can't help burping!!
This made me smile! I can indeed control my wees and poos so that I do them somewhere quiet and private. I have learnt to do the same with my burp, and the rare occasions they come out anyway, I have learnt to do so with my mouth closed so no-one can hear it. I personally hate people burping, especially as it has a habit of happening in a middle of a conversation, so interrupts it, and I don't get the 'excuse me' afterwards if indeed, the person didn't attempt to prevent it because they didn't think they needed to.

OP, the more you post and the more you minimise the situation, ie. you are totally defending your daughter and have validated by your actions her role as a victim. I too don't believe for a second that she was punished because she did a quiet burp (which if it had been, wouldn't have been heard in the first place) nor that the teacher reacted immediately because she didn't apologised. Whether you are leaving bits out yourself, or you've chosen to only hear that part when you had the discussion, I don't know, but it just doesn't make sense.

I think you've given your daughter a very wrong message by not only questioning her version of the event, but worse rewarding her for it. This is why so many teachers give up on the profession, it must be so disheartening to deal with parents who automatically assume that their kids are angels who can do no wrong, and that teachers are unfair sadistic monsters.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/01/2017 06:21

DS comes home with all sorts of outrage at what teachers did in the day and how they got yelled at by them. I roll my eyes and get on with making the tea personally.