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Secondary education

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Original poster

My Daughter phoned me at lunchtime to tell me she has been given detention for burping in the canteen at school

132 replies

user1484227404 · 12/01/2017 14:24

She has told me she was sat at the table talking with her friends eating her lunch when she happened to let out a tiny belch. She thought nothing of it carried on talking to her friends when a teacher on a table by them then turned round and asked them which one of you burped . My daughter who is in year 7 said it was her the teacher then told her off and before she left to go outside with her friends handed her a detention for tomorrow lunchtime because she didant say excuse me . I am fuming right now and want to phone the school as this is ridiculous . Anyone got any advice ?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1484227404 · 14/01/2017 22:26

She is never Naughty she Accidentally let out a tiny belch she could not help and got harshly punished yes I know she should have said pardon me but she was embarrassed and didn't expect it would end inSmile her first DT she had done well in her first few months of secondary school as well

OP posts:
Redsrule · 15/01/2017 07:50

User don't you realise this also inconvenienced the teacher? They would not have given a DT for the tiny belch you describe,. All children can be naughty but if your DD's idea of being a rebel is belching you have got a good kid! Just don't send the 'it is us against the school' message because a few years down the line things might be very different.

Gallavich · 15/01/2017 07:56

Jesus woman your daughter got a detention - big deal! You let her stay up late and you're taking her shopping to help her get over the detention Hmm you're going to have a spoilt entitled teen on your hands if you carry on this way.

jaguar67 · 15/01/2017 20:42

This post makes me feel ill. OP, if this is the most challenging parenting issue you have to manage during Secondary School years, you are truly blessed.

All children are sensible, or whatever... until they aren't. That's the nature of teens/ pre-teens. Deal with it.

Think back, bottled-up energy, high-jinx, trying to fit in/ impress your friends - we've all been there. Do you really think this teacher chose to mess up his/her lunchtime to prove a point for nothing? IMO, you've let your DD & her school, down.

Just supposing this was an injustice. Pretty minor in the scheme of things. Well we've all suffered those, sucked them in and moved on - stronger. You could have shut this down earlier with your DD with a few choice words, advice for the future and a massive hug. End of.

I hope to goodness that when you have to deal with REAL teenage/ growing up issues, you have a better perspective.

clarrylove · 15/01/2017 20:57

Oh dear, as wet as a haddock's wet bits OP!

ArabellaRockerfella · 15/01/2017 22:57

The first rule a parent should teach a child is: "Commit a crime, do the time!"
Stop whinging and support the school otherwise you will have a weak child who cannot take responsibility for their actions! How will she cope in the big wide world if you are mollycoddling her and giving her extra treats! Your creating a victim complex for her!

ArabellaRockerfella · 15/01/2017 22:58

I'm actually hoping for the sake of this dd that this is a wind up post, otherwise this poor girl has no hope!

myfavouritecolourispurple · 16/01/2017 09:35

I wonder in which other professions, your every move is questioned and challenged in the same way teachers are

In the NHS perhaps. The point is, teachers have control over our kids' lives in a way that other professions do not.

This does seem a bit over the top for a burp - and if the other kids laughed, shouldn't they have had a detention too?

You can't always control the noises your body makes - actually I very rarely burp either and it usually comes as an extra-loud hiccup. But I remember the thread on here about farting on the bus, and how many people said that was disgusting. I couldn't believe that so many people thought you can always hold it in. You can't.

Anyway your DD has learnt a lesson - don't make bodily function noises within earshot of a teacher. And more to the point. school teaches us to put up with petty officialdom - eg getting a parking ticket for being 5 minutes over your time. It's best to just accept detentions. I know when you start secondary school you want to avoid them, but it's no good getting all upset about them, the school doesn't care about burps in year 7 when they are writing references for sixth form colleges or universities.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 16/01/2017 09:37

This weekend I have decided to take her shopping take her mind off it she was a bit down last night especially after missing most of her lunch break yesterday

Ha, ha, oh yes it was so tragic missing some of her lunch, she needed a big treat in case she got too upset Hmm

Peanutbutterrules · 16/01/2017 15:25

Shopping? 'Harsh punishment'....visit the grip store OP.

My DD would be upset if she got detention, esp if she didn't feel it was fair (how many kids do?). But you are making a drama out of this.

Floggingmolly · 16/01/2017 15:28

She'll engineer another detention if she feels another shopping trip is due.
Why wouldn't she?

PostTruthEra · 16/01/2017 15:33

Tell her to grow up and not whine to her Mum every time she's told off by a teacher.

If she has a problem, she should approach the teacher and have a mature chat about it. She's secondary school age, ffs!

user789653241 · 16/01/2017 15:34

That was exactly what I was thinking, Floggin.

swingofthings · 16/01/2017 18:00

I am always amazed how parents always assume that their well behaved child (in most circumstances) couldn't possibly have had a bit of an attitude when challenged about a certain behaviour.

My kids are good kids, well behaved, always commended for their manners and attitude at school, each teachers commenting about what a delight they are on each report.

However, if my DD had called me telling she got detention for burping, my immediate response would have been that she must have either been much louder than she thought, or acted silly afterwards laughing loudly or disturbingly, or more likely, responded with a bit of that typical teenage attitude when challenged, attitude that she probably wouldn't have been aware of, attitude she occasionally has with me and again, she doesn't realise it and I have to remind her of her tone of voice.

Why would a teacher decide to give a detention just over a 'little burp, which is so little would have been unlikely to be heard in the first place.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/01/2017 18:04

Get detention then get rewarded and treats at home. Hmm

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 16/01/2017 18:06

I'm really not sure if you're all being sarcastic bloody hope so but I burp and fart and shit and so do you all. If you got into trouble for burping at work and had to go home late or miss your lunch, you'd all be calling a human rights lawyer quicker than I could say pardon me!

And teachers, more than most other professions, should absolutely be held to account for making children embarrassed of their bodily functions. I'd be very ashamed of myself if I'd called a young girl out for burping. You'd take her to one side and politely explain that it's good manners to say "pardon me".

Cannot believe the sucking up some people do to teachers on here. And before you ask - I know a lot of teachers, very well, and some are wonderful people. And some are vile and in the profession to get a power kick. Detention for burping. Ok then

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 16/01/2017 18:10

Totally agree with above PP. It's not the missing lunch that is the upsetting thing, it's the embarrassment of it all. Bodily functions (which can't always be controlled) are labelled very early on as something to hide and be embarrassed about. So then later on people don't visit their GP with embarrassing issues, don't ask for reasonable adjustments at work etc etc. That seems really melodramatic but it all starts with not normalising this kind of thing.

I'm in a job where I am often held to account for what I do and where I also see the end results of people being embarassed about bodily functions. It starts with health promotion in school.

Even if OP's daughter was pissing around, it's the message it sends to other kids that if they have a quiet burp etc they will be disciplined! Of course they should say excuse me. If she may have been embarassed. Different of course if loud comedy belch but it sounds as if even the teacher is not saying that happened.

As I have said, I would publicly support the teacher, I did suggest a hug for the poor girl but otherwise she should suck up the detention.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/01/2017 18:13

I'm really not sure if you're all being sarcastic bloody hope so but I burp and fart and shit and so do you all. If you got into trouble for burping at work and had to go home late or miss your lunch, you'd all be calling a human rights lawyer quicker than I could say pardon me!

Human rights lawyer..... and you say a detention is ott Hmm

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 16/01/2017 18:15

Hear hear, toostressy.

piglet I said "you all". Not me. if anyone told me off for burping or farting I'd simply explain that they were a moron, regardless of seniority or occupation.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/01/2017 18:17

if anyone told me off for burping or farting I'd simply explain that they were a moron, regardless of seniority or occupation.

If you were the OPs DC then that would have got you a detention even if the burp hadn't Wink

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 16/01/2017 18:21

Yes but they would go down fighting, sticking it to da man, etc etc.

I honestly just think a detention for a burp is dreadful for a child. I got in trouble for a leaking period at school. Never ever forgot it and how cruel the teacher was - this was in the 90's - telling me, in front of 2 other people that I should be better equipped to deal with periods than lettin myself leak. I was 12. Being told off for burping isn't as bad as that I know but a detention for it is ridiculous.

acatcalledjohn · 16/01/2017 18:23

And teachers, more than most other professions, should absolutely be held to account for making children embarrassed of their bodily functions. I'd be very ashamed of myself if I'd called a young girl out for burping. You'd take her to one side and politely explain that it's good manners to say "pardon me".

This with bells on.

The OP has already clarified that the teacher has backed up her DD's version of events. She got detention for not saying "pardon me". Totally over the top.

I image all PP's saying how rude it is to burp/fart obviously don't have normal bodily functions, or if they do they are silent and smell of roses Hmm

A good teacher would have taken her to one side and kindly educated her on manners, not made her feel horrible/self-conscious about having let out a burp in public and not knowing how to handle it. Kids can be pretty mean, and given that in our society we have created such a taboo around burping/farting, I can see she would have been embarrassed to have let one slip amongst her peers.

No wonder people are so unbelievably self conscious in today's world.

swingofthings · 16/01/2017 18:27

Even if OP's daughter was pissing around, it's the message it sends to other kids that if they have a quiet burp etc they will be disciplined! Of course they should say excuse me. If she may have been embarassed. Different of course if loud comedy belch but it sounds as if even the teacher is not saying that happened.
That doesn't make sense. Either burping and farting is acceptable and not bad manners, in which case you have no reasons to say 'excuse me', or it is bad manners and that's the reason why you apologise.

I am in the 'bad manner' clan. Burps are either unpleasantly noisy, or worse, smelly! What I think bothers me most about people who burp is the attention they expect from it. It almost systematically follows with a laugh and I just don't see what is funny about it. Same with farting really. If it is so normal, why laughing?

swingofthings · 16/01/2017 18:28

The OP has already clarified that the teacher has backed up her DD's version of events. She got detention for not saying "pardon me". Totally over the top.
Unless there was more to the reason given, but the more to it was left out as it is often the case when people want to prove a point.

swingofthings · 16/01/2017 18:31

A good teacher would have taken her to one side and kindly educated her on manners, not made her feel horrible/self-conscious about having let out a burp in public and not knowing how to handle it. Kids can be pretty mean, and given that in our society we have created such a taboo around burping/farting, I can see she would have been embarrassed to have let one slip amongst her peers.
Sorry but that to me doesn't make sense either. Surely at that age, a child should know that burping is bad manner as would the other kid. It's the fact that it is bad manner that makes the kids do it. If kids were likely to tease for such behaviour, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

Kids are not embarrassed when they burp/fart, they love the attention they get from others' reaction.