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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

I don't want to go to parents evening

50 replies

Threeschools · 08/11/2016 16:44

Does that make me a bad mum? DD started this year in this massive secondary school, had a fantastic half term report, has joined 3 clubs, is happy, has made friends, husband will be away for work and I would have to get a babysitter for DD2, to queue endlessly for a merry go round of 5 min appointments, I struggle to see the point.

OP posts:
Babypythagorus · 08/11/2016 16:47

Don't stress about it! Send an email apologising, thanking them for the lovely report, make sure DD knows you're not disinterested in her, and then out your feet up. (I'm a teacher - happens all the time, and you're just glad to have more time for the tricky chats)

SuperPug · 08/11/2016 16:48

Sounds like he's doing well - out of politeness, I would email the relevant person at the school to let them know you cannot attend. This will mean teachers aren't waiting around unnecessarily. They may also send comments via email?

PotteringAlong · 08/11/2016 16:48

I don't know; but it will mark you down as one of the parents who didn't care enough to come.

PotteringAlong · 08/11/2016 16:49

If you just don't turn up that is. Definitely agree with emailing about why you cannot attend if you choose not to.

Celticlassie · 08/11/2016 16:57

Don't go. There is no benefit to going unless your DC has issues, so I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a teacher and don't judge parents who don't come in for parents evenings - I assume they've got something else on.

wannabestressfree · 08/11/2016 17:00

That's absolute bollocks pottering and I am a teacher. We as a rule have a roughly 60-70% turn out. For all manner of reasons. And don't think badly of parents who don't attend. We think badly of those who demand meetings and don't turn up.....

WeAllHaveWings · 08/11/2016 17:06

I went to ds's just to get a feel for the place and teachers. Even though everything was good I still got something out of it. The invite was worded to prioritise seeing teachers where you have concerns/issues and I could tell one or two of the teachers couldn't be bothered talking to me because everything was good.

I did notice most of the teachers had several and sometimes large gaps in their schedule so it does look like lots of parents don't attend, so I wouldn't worry if you can't.

PotteringAlong · 08/11/2016 17:08

I'm a teacher too. We don't think badly of parents who email about why they can't attend (which is why I said email - I pressed post too soon). But just not to turn up without even saying you're not coming? We do keep a record of those who don't attend and also those who don't attend and don't respond.

Original poster
Threeschools · 08/11/2016 17:11

If I go it would definitely be a PR exercise, just to say hello really. Can I bring DD2 along or is it worse than not turning up? I agree with letting the school know though, good advice.

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PotteringAlong · 08/11/2016 17:15

Rocking up with younger children wouldn't be a problem - even at secondary we usually put stuff out to keep them occupied if you want or they just sit with parents.

Original poster
Threeschools · 08/11/2016 17:21

Right, might be the solution then

OP posts:
AChickenCalledKorma · 08/11/2016 17:21

Have you already got children further up the school? Do you know how they operate parents evenings? Because there is no "endless queuing" at ours - there are five minute appointments and you can book as many or as few as you wish. In your situation I would book with a small number of teachers where there is actually something to talk about and take the kids with me. There are always siblings hanging around.

But if yours is more of a free-for-all I would agree that emailing to explain is the way to go!

bigTillyMint · 08/11/2016 17:24

I don't think it's a problem to take the younger one - certainly wasn't at DD's school. I think it's good to go so you can visualise the teacher, and in your case, hear nice things about them!

wobblywonderwoman · 08/11/2016 17:27

I think I would go and bring younger dd so you don't have the hassle of getting a babysitter - especially as it's the first year.

noblegiraffe · 08/11/2016 17:32

Hordes of siblings turn up to parents evenings. I've had plenty of discussions with parents who have children their knee!

However, I only really register parents not making an appointment if they're a naughty kid whose parents I really need to see. I wouldn't think any worse of you if you didn't!

BakeOffBiscuits · 08/11/2016 17:37

I do think you should go, especially as it's her first year.

If you had a really good reason fair enough, but attending sends an important messages to dd, that it's important for you to see her teachers and have chat with them.

griffinsss · 08/11/2016 17:39

If you have no concerns, don't go! If all parents who went just to hear about how wonderful their kids are didn't go, parents evening would be a much less hellish time for everyone else.

Blossomdeary · 08/11/2016 17:47

It is nice to meet the teachers so you know who your DD is talking about - and also for them to have a face to put to a name. No need to waste their time once they have said their bit.

Believeitornot · 08/11/2016 17:49

It's her first year of secondary school? Why wouldn't you go?

That's a bit sad. Bring your youngest with you.

dotdotdotmustdash · 08/11/2016 17:52

I had a 'good' kid and spent many evenings over the years hearing the same nice stuff and nothing I didn't know already. It was nice to put the teacher's faces to their names, but otherwise it was an utter waste of time. My DD always wanted me to go though, I think she just wanted me to meet her teachers so it was worth it to keep her happy.

SaltyRock · 08/11/2016 18:48

I'm a teacher and parent. I can't imagine not wanting to go to parents evening for my DD, even if she is happy.
It shows a lack of interest IMO.
As a teacher I do notice when parents don't show up. Bringing younger siblings is common.

If you really don't want to go it's not the end of the world, but I do wonder what the real reason is.

Original poster
Threeschools · 08/11/2016 18:48

Yes, the more I think about it the more I think we should go. I don't have an older sibling so it might be a very civilised affair and I could be pleasantly surprised.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 08/11/2016 19:41

It is nice for the child to hear praise from the teachers with parents present.

Just to check - this is a full blown parents evening with all subject teachers, not just a 'meet the tutor' one? DD2 is y7 too, and we had meet the tutor just before half term but we don't get the full blown one until April or May.

At ours the child makes appointments, I gave my DD1 a prioritised list of subjects e.g. Definitely English Maths and Science, preferably History and and French; IT, Drama, Geog and RE if you can fit them in, don't bother with PE, Tech or Music unless teacher asks to see me.

With DD2 I may have different priorities as her strengths, weaknesses and interests are different.

Floggingmolly · 08/11/2016 19:45

I'm amazed so many teachers claim they'd be fine with this Confused. If I was a teacher I'd interpret not showing up as a total lack of interest in their child's progress and school experience.
I'd expect the child concerned to assume much the same thing, tbh.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 08/11/2016 20:55

I would feel it showed a lack of interest. Kids love to have their moment of glory when their teacher is saying nice things about them.