Pros and cons of boarding vs day?

[minipie]

DDs are only 3 and 1 so a bit daft to be thinking about secondary, but we are thinking about primary/prep schools (private) for them and some are more boarding focused whereas others are more day school focused. So it would be helpful to have an idea which is likely to be our preference. DH boarded, I didn't, we both enjoyed our experience. We can afford either.

So far I can think of the following pros and cons of boarding vs day - but am aware some of these may be misapprehensions. Also some may be"fixed" if we did weekly boarding?:

Pros

• Saves the commute. We are London based and any secondary will involve at least 45 mins each way. So less tiring (DD gets tired easily) and allows more time for homework, extra curricular etc

• More choice. There aren't many day schools near us, DDs may not get in to the super selective ones, the ones they get into may not fit well etc. This is a biggie.

• Less arguing/nagging over homework and revision (I hope?)

Cons:

• Less visibility of what your child is doing - eg if they are unhappy in some way or not doing their work properly you might not know if the school doesn't pick it up. I would struggle with this I think

• Less chance to have out of school friends/activities, which I think can be helpful in times of school friendship difficulties

• Perhaps less close to your child in the end? (controversial!) less influence over how they grow up? (equally controversial!)

• Perhaps a more traditional ethos which we wouldn't fit with (we are not religious, I am a WOHM and feminist, we don't follow many traditions) but guess this depends on the particular school

Can anyone add to this list or disagree with any of my list...?

And when I say less good school/best school, I of course mean less good/best for my DC.

Minipie whatever the final decision I think you are absolutely right in choosing the best fit school now and also being aware of entry points and examinations in the future for both options. Most girls' boarding schools have a major entry at 11 which IMO can really be prepared for at most junior schools. The popular co-ed boarding schools may be a bit harder since they require 13+ entry as well as CE and usually pre testing. That means changing to a school with goes up to year 8 and prepares for CE.
Visits to the appropriate schools in years 4-5 onwards will help clarify what is the best option for your DDs.

My two DC board and both love it. Older one went in year 7 on a sports scholarship and being a boarder means that he's already on site for early morning squads so is able to get up much later than he would if he had to travel. The camaraderie is brilliant, as is the pastoral care, and unlike boarding schools of old the kids are free to text, phone, Facetime etc as much as they like. The only restrictions are no devices during lessons or after lights out, which is pretty much what you'd expect with kids at a day school. The facilities on site are fab, parents are welcome to visit as often as they like and kids can choose to go home at weekends or to friends if they wish. Suffice to say that after two years of hearing all about it from his older sibling, second DC was desperate to give it a go, and absolutely loves it too. We actually live close enough for the DC to come home at weekends, which either/ both do probably ever other weekend as and when they choose to. They also get over 20 weeks holiday a year so we get plenty of free time together as a family. Boarding wouldn't suit all kids/ families but it can be a brilliant experience if it does suit. Plus I now never have to pack anything for my two when we go anywhere as they do all their own packing

OP if you decide at any time to send your DC to a boarding school the key to ensure your DC's are happy there is about choosing the right school. The advantage of course of paying is that you have more choice. Take time to find the right school.We were lucky we had lots of choices, and as most schools were most suitable were pre testing at yr 6, we had time once a provisional places had been offered to watch our DS mature and decide which school really did suit him and us. Its easy to be influenced by the current popular choice of other parents, or by reputation but its far better to listen to the advise of your head, assuming he's experience, and then go and look carefully at those on your short list for yourself. Our old prep traditionally sent bright capable boys to Eton but on the advise of the then very experienced but retiring head we looked at Win Coll, no child had gone to Winchester for over 20 years. Its exceedingly personalised selection process enabled us to understand the school and find the HM who was the best fit for our DS. With 9 days left to go I attribute my DS's happiness at the school to this.
Many people on here say boarding staff don't care that much, that there is no warmth or affection between staff and pupils. I don't want to out myself (although its beginning to not matter any longer) but this not my experience. My DS has has experienced three very significant looses during his time at school, he's been absolutely devastated but he has met with nothing but genuine warmth care and concern from all members of the school staff, I watched his HM put him arms around my grieving DS and remind how much he cared about him and that he would do anything to help him, he at times has criticised his HM, as all adolescents do to those in charge, but he repeatedly says his strength is that "he really cares about us" what more can anyone ask for? When we met him over 8 years ago our gut feeling was that he was the right person for our DS and us (little did we know how much it would matter that he had the right HM) and this has proven to be correct.
So OP look carefully at all your options day and boarding, visit schools youre interested in as many times as you can, observe the pupils, do they look happy in each others company and with the staff, ask difficult questions that matter to you, try and visit not just open days but when the staff and pupils are going about their every day life, talk to current parents, ask how approachable they think staff are? How easily they can speak to staff if things are going wrong? How much continuity there is? IME its when things are going wrong (for whatever reason) that you find out how good a fit your school is for your child. Keep an open mind and hopefully you'll find the right school for your DC's