AIBU about wanting to send our children to a same-sex school?

[NJBradley]

My DH doesn't feel sending our DCs to a same-sex school (Lancaster Grammar schools), is right saying it stifles their interactions with the opposite sex etc. and all the usual arguments.

What do you think and how best to change his mind?

I don't set out or have any desire or need to fool anyone Bobo! The fact is that certain schools have a higher incidence, end of.

So no actual statistically significant published research to back up your statement? I will have to look into this myself, talk a bit more to my colleagues.
"What more do you suspect is behind this story"
You've already answered this yourself: "I think you're right about vigilance at boarding schools. Possibly that's a factor in why statistics are so high!"
As I said I'm no expert on this but many of my colleagues are, they are on the coal face attempting to treat it, not sure if treat is the right word, perhaps manage would be better.
Every child presents a complex picture, you cannot blame one thing. They do talk about a hereditary factor, it is not uncommon for girls with eating disorders to have mothers with eating disorders but of course there is the nurture nature debate, anorexia is very much associated with driven high achieving perfectionists if you are like this when you become a mother yourself you are likely to be driven and ambitious for your own DC's and expect high achievements a bit simplified I know but thus the cycle continues.

If your colleagues are working at CAMHS they might well be on the coal face but by the same token they're busy 'managing', rather than carrying out or evaluating research.

Yes I really think you'll have to look at research yourself. The schools might help you out too. One of the SLT at an extremely well known girls boarding school was very candid recently (last year) about these problems to a prospective parent (my neighbour). Merely anecdote to confirm what I understand already, but interesting that if someone in that position wasn't in denial I'm not quite sure why you would be happygardening!

Incidentally the work on genetics being carried out at the moment in Oxford is even more interesting than that. It's not yet published so no link possible even if I was a linker by nature, which I'm not :)

I'm not denying anything just challenging generalisations and asking to see actual hard proof.
It is a requirement of our governing body that we base our practice on proven research, most working in this complicated field are specialists who've taken a particular interest in it and done lots extra training and even their own research, add into this often many years of actual experience. I've have never denied that eating disorders occur in high achieving girls boarding schools but it has to be remembered that they are significantly more prevalent in girls than boys, eating disorders are most frequently seen among very ambitious high achieving girls and also amongst the MC's and the UMC's so its inevitable that there will be more eating disorders when compared to a non selective state school. And as I said above boarding schools are probably more likely to pick it up. What I'm particularly interested in is 1. your implication that girls high achieving boarding a schools cause eating disorders, and 2. your statement that there are more eating disorders in these type of schools. I would be very interested to know if this is actually true, obviously they will be more but what I mean is more eating disorders per 100 amongst girls at these kind of schools when compared with 100 girls at a high achieving coed boarding school or 100 girls at high achieving day school or 100 girls at a high achieving coed day school. Molio you seem pretty convinced there is (or maybe we're simply misunderstanding each other) hence as I said above for professional reasons as much as anything else I was asking to see the research you were using to make this statement.
As a parent of boys of course its largely irrelevant to me, I have no need to defend girls high achieving boardings schools I just want to know where you info comes from.

I don't come up with ideas out of the ether happygardening but nor do I read a bit of research and then parrot it, so I can't help. My information is the cocktail of a number of sources, mutually corroborative and which includes, as I said, credible research. I've heard this presented orally - I don't have a handy link.

I think you're misunderstanding. The incidence is higher at those schools for precisely the reasons you say (and which I said earlier myself) but there is an additional factor - the 'competitive' factor which causes a particular magnifying effect at high achieving girls boarding schools. That's not to say as saying the schools 'cause' the problem, but the environment is ripe to trigger someone already pre-disposed to an eating disorder.

That's not to say as the same as saying

My experience of selective girl school is the bitchy, bullying, full of DSH and eating disorders. I was pretty badly damaged, but hey, I came away with 10 A*s at GCSE and 4 As at A'-level.
For this reason I'd be wary of a selective school as well as single sex.

I'm guessing that there's a huge number of people out there who were bullied at co-ed schools.
The OP should simply talk to girls and their parents who are at the school currently.

I'm guessing that there's a huge number of people out there who were bullied at co-ed schools. The OP should simply talk to girls and their parents who are at the school currently.

Exactly. Every school is different. Some ss schools will have problems, just as some co-ed's will have problems. Around Lancaster, I hear horrid tales of kids being bullied, kids with eating disorders, etc., at the comprehensive co-ed which seems to be the favourite for those not at the grammar or faith schools. I don't hear the same tales from those at the grammars, including my own child and neighbours' children. One of my relatives has had horrendous bullying and mh issues at the co-ed comp and has just moved to the ss girl's grammar and says she's never been happier!

What really matters to the OP is the particular school in question, not anecdotal evidence about other schools or research about SS schools in general. It's only one school, they're considering, not loads of others, so a lot of the anecdotal evidence and research is completely irrelevant.

One thing I would say to the OP - (DS only no DDs) is that single sex education does not necessarily "stifle(s) their interactions with the opposite sex etc. and all the usual arguments."

Although they are formative years, they are some years amongst many. It's senior school , not a monastery. I do not detect Ds or his friends for example not being able to speak to girls at university. (He was co-ed until 13 - all boys 13 - 18) .

I am with some PPs. Single sex / Co-ed is one factor amongst many in choosing a school (and lucky to have a choice). I cannot post links etc but have a living breathing example of a boy who seems reasonably able to interact with the other half of the population, as do his friends.

Hocus, Anecdote central, signing off

Well just staying in Anecdote Central for a while Hocus, that could simply be because your DS didn't go to the Other Well Known All Boys Boarding School which has a bad reputation for the inability of its alumni to interact normally with the fairer sex. And I do love generalizing from the particular, along with so many posters :)

Quite why my daughters find boys putting girls on a pedestal so offputting i don't know.... Anyhow, it's not cool, evidently .

"the Other Well Known All Boys Boarding School which has a bad reputation for the inability of its alumni to interact normally with the fairer sex"
Which school is that molio, maybe its just the parents/boys that I meet but I have never heard any one say that X produces boys who can't interact with the fairer sex.

As I said happy, I'm anecdoting vicariously from the consumer pov :)

Ok anecdote away and tell me which school you're talking about .

My experience of single sex education was good in terms of the school itself but I just have one point to make re "stifling relationships with the opposite sex." This doesn't have to happen, but it CAN happen if teenagers aren't given an opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. If that's not something that would tend to happen naturally e.g. through having a close in age opposite sex sibling with their own friends coming round, it could be a problem. I didn't really have any contact with boys as a teenager apart from having a brother. But since he was a bit of a loner he wasn't bringing friends round.

So you might have to make a point of creating opportunities for interaction with the opposite sex e.g. through hobbies if that's not something that seems to be happening naturally.

Certainly it wasn't good for me to have to deal at 18 and away from home for the first time with issues with boys/men that I could have dealt with earlier while in the security of the home and family environment.

The school with a silly uniform happy. Although anecdote also has it that they get a bit more sensible a year or two into uni. I'm not sure it was quite so noticeable in my day - as I say, more schools were single sex then. Co-ed kids notice the difference these days though, possibly in a way an older generation didn't.

Ah I see perhaps another reason to add to my list of why I didn't don't choose it .

We definitely wanted our DDs at their single sex grammar for academic reasons. Their all girls' school whups the local boys' grammar at GCSE results every year.

Socially it hasn't hampered them at all. They spend plenty of time with their male cousins and plenty of time with their friend's brothers/brother's mates etc.

I knew a young man who boarded at the then single sex public school with the mustard stockings. Had no clue about women - thought that rape was fine and should be legal (genuinely), as it was what women were designed for.

I suspect, atypical.

If there were a massive understatement thing then I would insert it here.