AIBU about wanting to send our children to a same-sex school?

[NJBradley]

My DH doesn't feel sending our DCs to a same-sex school (Lancaster Grammar schools), is right saying it stifles their interactions with the opposite sex etc. and all the usual arguments.

What do you think and how best to change his mind?

[Molio]

Discussion of A levels is completely besides the point happygardening, you're right. I didn't introduce the subject.

I guess you don't recognize the 'penning' in descriptor? Well it is true that for a large number of hours each day the kids are segregated, that's a fact. I happen to prefer the normality of operating in an environment which much more closely mirrors the modern world.

[Molio]

Art is great too. I think all language teachers everywhere would agree that MFL has been in terrible shape, but if that's the language course on offer and you want to do a language.....

[happygardening]

Is it the end of the world if they're "segregated" for a large number of hours each day? (Genuine question).
Out there in the "modern world" many jobs are still also dominated by one or other sex, for example women dominate the world of health care, car mechanics are usually men, my husband company has two women and 35 men not through choice but because men dominate this area of work, again I personally don't see this as a problem because modern life thankfully isn't only about our jobs or schools.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Re comparing 'pressure' at school, our local comprehensive puts much more pressure on DC (inc homework) than DD's grammar. In fact DD has considerably less homework and 'bother' than DS did at her age or than friends at the comprehensive, particularly the top stream. Bizarre considering the grades they get in the end.

[Molio]

Obviously it's not the end of the world but I don't see any advantage, merely disadvantage - admittedly the potential downsides are greater at all girls' schools than all boys', where the downsides are probably fairly minimal.

[NotCitrus]

Having dealt with this questions for various family members and visited lots of schools, my conclusion is it's a minor issue compared with how good the staff are at keeping order and encouraging respect for others, and of course actually teaching, and to me would rank below complexity of journey to get there, length of lunch break, availability of triple sciences and extra languages, etc.

If you're in a city where all kids are walking or getting buses to school, there's no problem finding the other sex to socialise with!

[BackforGood]

Totally agree with NotCitrus - it wasn't high up on my list of things we were looking at when expressing preference for secondary for my dc. It's one very small factor that can be considered. It was other things we made the choices on, and, all things considered, the schools that were the best option for each of my dc, happened to be single sex schools, which has been fine. None of the issues some people have raised have been an issue for any of my dc.

[kjwh]

If you're in a city where all kids are walking or getting buses to school, there's no problem finding the other sex to socialise with!

Which is exactly the case with the Lancaster grammar schools

None of the issues some people have raised have been an issue for any of my dc.

Which is my direct experience of my own, neighbours and friends' children who've gone to the Lancaster Grammar Schools, both of which have excellent pastoral support and discipline.

I have no doubt that "some" same-sex schools have problems as many people have posted above, but from my knowledge and experience of Lancaster's, which is what the OP is asking about, I've not heard any negative experiences, and compared with the other local schools available, unless you're eligible for the faith schools, the grammars are likely to be far more suitable for more able children who can pass the 11+.

[AlpacaLypse]

Girls tend to do better in single sex schools.

Boys tend to do better in co-ed.

This is an irreconcilable difference.

All any of us can do is continue as we have been, choosing the best school that we can afford/get a place at/manage the travel to within the constraints of our daily lives.

[happygardening]

Alpaca I think the adage that "boys do better in coed" does not apply to the independent sector.

[Molio]

happygardening it's a generalization across all sectors, not merely maintained.

In terms of 'doing better', that 'better' usually relates solely to academic attainment whereas my own personal concerns would be social. Girls schools can breed considerable unpleasantness and boys schools can have the effect of producing boys who are emotionally very immature particularly with regard to their female peers. Obviously those are both generalizations too.

[happygardening]

It appears that even those who dont support SS accepted that there are generalisation about it. so OP the best thing you can do is have a really good look at the school, don't think of it as a SS school just a school, perhaps if your able too compare its feel and ethos with a similar coed school. Talk to the staff, observe the pupils when they are not on the best behaviour e.g. at open days, look at the things that matter to you personally be it A level subjects, drama music or the tiddly winks club, or a wide range of MFL's, transport what ever and decide whether or not it feels right for you and your DC's.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

I went to both and can honestly say I'd move heaven and earth before putting my children in a single sex school.

[BackforGood]

Lots of really subjective opinions on here that people are trying to claim as facts though.

Unlike the last poster, I have great memories of my single sex school - but I acknowledge it was my experience (and that of so many people I have met with in the last 35 yrs since leaving) of that one school.

Too many people are projecting their own experiences as being 'fact' for all single sex, or all co-ed schools.

[HocusCrocus]

OP - if not the Lancaster Grammar schools - what are you considering as other options?

[EricNorthmanSucks]

My DC attended single sex schools from. Y 7-11.

They both thrived. Achieved pleasing GCSE results, but perhaps more importantly had lots of positive experiences.

In fact neither of them have ever found a negative about the single sex aspect and spent plenty of time outside school with the opposite sex.

[Kuppenbender]

If single sex schools are a worry for you because of the social aspect, get them into after school activities that are mixed. Youth clubs, martial arts, drama clubs, orchestras, even scouts is mixed these days.

[kjwh]

Boys tend to do better in co-ed.

Look at the results for Lancaster Boy's grammar and you'll see that the boys there do very well indeed.

[kimlo]

If you take the private schools out of consideration, dds school is the best results wise in the city. The boys school comes just under that but it is also a smaller school. Both have very good results.

[AuntieStella]

I'm sure I saw something (last year) about which types of school produced the best results. Stuck in my mind because top was boys-only independent school (which was not what I expected).

[Molio]

That's what people mainly do, BackforGood - extrapolate from direct experience and the experience of the people (usually many) that they know. Nevertheless, in terms of issues at girls schools the incontrovertible fact is that there is a far higher incidence of issues requiring pastoral and medical intervention than in any other school setting and that's especially so at the more academic girls boarding schools. In terms of emotional immaturity among boys educated exclusively in a single sex setting, I offer you the recorded evidence of romantic interaction among almost the entire cast of Made in Chelsea :)

happygardening one doesn't have to 'not support' single sex by having a preference for co-ed. As I said at the top of the thread, my preference would always be for the best school academically which was available to me. Felicitously, with four boys and four girls, I had a very good co-ed on my doorstep but it's fair to say that of two local single sex schools (both girls schools, there are no boys schools), one has recently closed due to falling rolls and the other sees girls leaving in droves for the local FE college once they hit sixth form, with the complaint is always the same - the stifling atmosphere of a single sex setting.

I went to a single sex day secondary and was fine with it back then when it was the norm but lived a long way from school so my social life was very much home based with rather more boys in the crowd than girls, which helped balance life considerably. I also had a brother as well as a sister. But life has moved on - single sex seems out of date but if a single sex school is the best available, it seems a no-brainer.

[Molio]

is

[happygardening]

Mollio why do use such emotive language? I'm sure some singe sex schools are "stifling" or some children do feel "penned" in but IME there are some pretty stifling petty coed schools out there. When I watch my DS and his mates I don't by any stretch of the imagination see children who are stifled or penned in, I see boys who are relaxed in each other company, there tolerant of each other, little macho culture, there's a very strong camaraderie and fierce loyalty to each other, I like this, I've extensive experience of coed schools through my work and I don't always see the same thing there. Of course other SS schools will be different and I'd be the first to admit I know little about SS girls schools.

[Molio]

I use the words I think appropriate happygardening and I'll repeat again, I'm much more all-girls averse than all-boys averse. But you do seem overly touchy if you're even trying to censor my use of language.

[Zazedonia]

I went to 2 schools at secondary, one co-ed and the other all girls. At the co-ed (private) I found that the girls and boys didn't mix at all. But having the boys there did mean that there was a lot of disruption and silliness. The girls kept themselves to themselves, and there was plenty of bitching and bullying. The all girls was a lot nicer - no disruption, and no bullying.