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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Year 7 Starters

578 replies

pippistrelle · 30/08/2015 14:18

The new uniform is all ready, pens and pencils bought, as many of the practicalities that I can deal with now have been dealt with. So, just a few days to go. Daughter is getting nervous and, to be completely frank, I am a bit too. Not because I don't think she'll be fine but because, well, change can be daunting.

Anyone else at that stage too? Or, if you're already past this phase, how long did it take until you all settled in to a new routine?

(Couldn't spot any other general Year 7 threads, but apologies if there are any others already.)

OP posts:

CarlaJones · 04/09/2015 17:42

Contraryish, sorry to hear that. Are they in the same tutor group as him?

moosemama · 04/09/2015 17:48

Missed your post Contraryish. That's awful. Having had ds1 badly bullied at both primary and secondary, personally I would be straight onto the school to make them aware and ask what can be done. Sadly, some schools are better than others at dealing with it though.

Hope he's ok.

Contraryish · 04/09/2015 18:45

Thanks both, he's absolutely fine in himself, just mentioned something so we've jumped straight onto the school and contacted the primary as well who know the history and will be keen to help.

Fortunately not in the same tutor group, nor even in the same half of school (it has two distinct halves), which was deliberate!

Hope we can nip it in the bud, the school are sounding helpful, fingers crossed!

mumsnit · 04/09/2015 18:58

Absolutely right Iguana! Much better today

Sorry to hear of your worries Contrary - hope school will tackle it if continues to be a problem....

moosemama · 04/09/2015 19:55

Good to hear he's ok Contrary and hope the school is proactive in dealing with it. Great to have the primary school on board to help - ours was hopeless.

Ds has finally admitted one school worry to me. Apparently he's most worried about getting lost. Have tried to reassure him. They have class buddies to move them from lesson to lesson for the first week and from what I've heard all the older pupils are very helpful as well, so he'll be fine, but of course I know nothing. He actually knows quite a few older pupils from the last two years and they'll look out for him too if they can.

YeOldeTrout · 04/09/2015 20:41

2 days down & no disasters yet.

Electrolux2 · 04/09/2015 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IguanaTail · 04/09/2015 21:13

Great news mumsnit

WhoreGasm · 04/09/2015 21:19

DD started yesterday. Her uniform has been hanging in the wardrobe since early July with shoes neatly lined up underneath and PE kit carefully packed (anal, moi?)

I didn't have too many qualms about her starting secondary school as she already knows 3 other girls in her form, one of which is her best friend.

She's already casually mentioning lots of new 'friends' and has joined some lunchtime clubs; chess and maths apparently. She's as geeky as Hell and perfectly happy to be so.

CountryLovingGirl · 04/09/2015 22:30

My DS doesn't start secondary until next Tuesday (8th). All set to go though!

Persephone70 · 05/09/2015 00:03

Dd's first day was on Thursday (dd's 12th birthday too). She went off happy, had a fab day and came back in a wonderful, positive mood. She was so eager to tell us everything and very excited about going back today, the trouble was, yesterday was just yr7 and a few helpful yr11's and today was the rest of the school.
Basically I got home from picking ds up from primary school, to find dd in bits on the sofa and crying her eyes out. A yr8 who lives in our street took it upon herself to make dd's day a nightmare. Started on the bus and continued it in break times, then on the bus home. She thought it was fun to take dd's bottle out of her bag and throw it down the centre of the bus - the bus driver asked whoever threw it to pick it up, to this the girl shouted "yeah [dd's name], you did that, pick it up!". Dd was embarrassed and picked it up, she didn't even try to defend herself and say it wasn't her. Dd has been upset all evening and has told me she can't go back on Monday. She thinks there is something wrong with her and that she is not normal (because she also got bullied at primary and thinks it will happen again). I settled on emailing her mentor, wanted to go and speak to the Mother, but she has a daughter in my sons year and I know she believes her children do no wrong, she is also a pretty volatile person and I couldn't face the backlash (as we are in the same street). I am sat here in tears now, thinking of how dd must have felt and is still feeling. I am so hacked off that this has happened after such a perfect day yesterday. The other child is only yr8, but as cocky to adults as she is to her peers. We had such high hopes for secondary after such a bad time for most of primary. I feel so helpless!

nicoleshitzinger · 05/09/2015 00:03

DS has really enjoyed his first two days. He seemed so happy and relaxed when he came out this afternoon.

I was slightly less happy to hear his story about a female teacher being knocked out in the refectory while trying to break up a fight.

SallyMcgally · 05/09/2015 00:39

Oh Persephone. How horrible for you and your poor DD, especially when yesterday was so good. I'd get onto the HoY immediately. It needs to be nipped in the bud, especially if she's a vulnerable child. I have been guilty of not wanting to rock the boat for my eldest over bullying, and now realise that we should have. We ended up having to home ed him, but are trying now to phase him back in. I think it could have been avoided if we'd badgered the school more. A neighbour who had problems with her son badgered and badgered and eventually threatened Ofsted and in the endthey took it seriously. If you'd DD has a good Head of Year it won't come to that anyway. I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to be sitting crying over it. Hopefully it's just a hiccup, and she'll rediscover the good bits. The other girl sounds a right madam, and I expect the school have the measure of her. xx

YeOldeTrout · 05/09/2015 08:15

Persephone, I was bullied badly for 4 yrs in primary. Being that kind of victim is a mentality you carry with you & hard to shake. I had to go to a secondary school with nobody I knew to get a fresh start.

Is this a local authority bus service? School has a huge duty of care if this is happening on one of their formal catchment service buses.

CarlaJones · 05/09/2015 08:49

Persephone, sorry to hear that. I think you did the right thing emailing the mentor. I wouldn't contact the mum. I dread my dd being bullied.
Nicole, how awful. Hopefully the children responsible will be dealt with severely.

NeverEverAnythingEver · 05/09/2015 09:11

Persephone So sorry to hear that. I think you did right to get in touch with the school immediately. Hopefully they will sort it all out quickly. On our street I heard that something similar happened and the school sorted them out and now the two are friends. All the best to your DD.

Whatsthatbrightlight · 05/09/2015 10:07

DS is one of 4 from his primary to go to his new school. He came in after his first day absolutely buzzing. Fast forward a couple of hours and he was sobbing. He had no friends, what if he got lost?, how would he do the work? More sobbing yesterday morning, then three texts before school 'I've only got 2 friends', 'I don't like this' &, finally, a positive one 'everyone's cheered me up, don't worry'. He came through the door last night much more like our boy. Full of tales of his day & the boys he'd made friends with! My heart did sink at one point when he said 'I wanted to come home at lunchtime'. Until he followed it with 'to tell you what a good day I was having'. And to think I was a nervous wreck all day!

moosemama · 05/09/2015 11:11

Persephone I am so sorry to hear that, especially after she had such a good first day. Ds1 is a bully magnet too and it's heartbreaking, I understand your tears, been there myself quite a few times. We ended up threatening to go to the police with his primary school in year 4 and it was only then that they finally dealt with it. His bully however went on to pick on the wrong lad at his secondary school and ended up in hospital as a result, so being allowed to carry on doing it to ds with no real consequences was actually a disservice to both bully and victim. I never approached the parents, advice was not to and as they are still at the primary school with younger siblings, as is my dd, it was definitely the right choice.

He was quickly singled out in y7 too - he has a statement and was placed in a very small independent school by our Local Authority precisely because he is vulnerable, so because of the school size it was almost impossible to avoid the other lad. We ended up pulling ds out, informing the Local Authority, then demanding to see the HT and threatening to take it straight to the governors and strategic leaders for the school. They did deal with it effectively at that point. We didn't wait to go right to the top very early on with his secondary school, having learned that was the only thing that worked with his primary.

I hope the school jump on it and take swift action , but second contacting the LA about transport if it's their bus too.

Fwiw, as NeverEver said, I was bullied by a girl in my form group when I first started secondary. My parents reported it straight to school, who told her parents, who then marched her around to our house to apologise. She said sorry, we went upstairs to listen to music while our mums chatted and we were best friends right through school after that - she even came to my wedding. I will be keeping everything crossed that your dd has a similarly positive outcome.

moosemama · 05/09/2015 11:13

What'sThat what a rollercoaster! Glad he had a good day yesterday and has made some new friends.

Persephone70 · 05/09/2015 17:57

Thank you for your kind comments and support. I just feel like a bit of a failure as a Mum and created a 'victim' child. So fed up. We have all been at each other since yesterday, it just causes so much stress. Would quite like to run away at the moment!

notsomanky · 05/09/2015 19:18

DD is really tired today. She had more homework on Friday so finished it today. She seems to have enjoyed school and is still talking about the girls she has been chatting to.

She was a bit put out when she was lost. She asked a teacher how to get to a class and the teacher asked her to look at her map.

NeverEverAnythingEver · 05/09/2015 19:39

Persephone The fault is firmly with the bullies!! Hope the situation improves and hope the school deals with it.

SallyMcgally · 05/09/2015 19:46

persephone one of the difficult things about going to a Kidscape workshop is seeing just how lovely the kids there are. The organisers say this is ALW AYS how they find it. I bet you have brought up a sweet, thoughtful, sensitive girl and you should be proud of that. I do know what you mean though. It's so hard to watch their vulnerability. But you absolutely aren't a failure. For one thing she felt able to tell you. DS didn't tell us some things for months. But Kidscape give really good help and support.

CarlaJones · 05/09/2015 23:30

The fault is firmly with the bullies!!

Definitely.

nicoleshitzinger · 06/09/2015 07:42

What makes a child a 'bully magnet'?

Ds2 is in year 6 and has ASD. He's quite goofy with his tics and slightly odd gait and body language. I'm wondering if the reason he's not been bullied in primary is because he's bigger and stronger than most of the other kids and can be verbally aggressive if he's wound up.

Oh god, dreading him going to secondary. :-(

He's really vengeful and obsessive. If someone picks on him I could imagine him shoving them under a bus.

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