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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at ds's sports day allocation?

144 replies

basildonbond · 10/07/2015 18:55

Ds is in Y10 he has ASD, dyspraxia and low muscle tone. He is 6'3" with a 24" waist and his arms and legs look like twiglets - he has an air of fragility as if a gust of wind could carry him away.

His school has sports day next week and the children are allocated an event - they can't choose. Ds has been put down for the shot put. Yes, really ...

Dh thinks someone in the PE department is deliberately taking the piss and wants me to go in all guns blazing. I have no intention of letting ds be utterly humiliated so am going to keep him off school on Monday. WWYD?

OP posts:

hedgehogsdontbite · 13/07/2015 10:41

I just don't understand it at all. We're saying that we are autistic, that this is how we feel, this is how it affects us and this is what we need to happen. But that is being dismissed and shouted down by someone who hasn't lived it but still thinks they know better than us. If I expressed an opinion on life with a disability I didn't have and then people with that disabilty explained what it's really like, I wouldn't dream of arguing with them. I literally cannot get my head around why someone would do that. Why?

LashesandLipstick · 13/07/2015 10:44

. We're saying that we are autistic, that this is how we feel, this is how it affects us and this is what we need to happen. But that is being dismissed and shouted down by someone who hasn't lived it but still thinks they know better than us.

Welcome to the world of being a minority group, where the majority tries to dictate your experiences to suit their needs.

Friedgreenpajamas · 13/07/2015 10:57

Reallytired "Children with those labels can and should take part in sports day with reasonable planning and adjustments. None of those labels are a reason to be excused sports day. "

Your posts are SICKENING in their ignorance. It's not a fucking "label", it's a description of a life in which the things the rest of us take for granted, are a huge huge struggle. You don't even seem to WANT to understand the differences in the descriptions either - for you, it's all the same - "these children."

It's not maternal anxiety or indulgence to remove your child from a pointless and potentially damaging experience. It's being a responsible parent.

MRSJWRTWR · 13/07/2015 11:01

Shotput was always athletically challenged DS1's choice for sports day. At his school the house captains assigned the events and DS' trick was to get in quick and avoid getting left with doing the 1500m. At the last one he attended he struck a bargain that he would do the house maths challenge if he could do shotput for sports day. This took part in a far corner of the sports field and was over in about 10 mins.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/07/2015 11:05

"Children with those labels can and should take part in sports day with reasonable planning and adjustments. None of those labels are a reason to be excused sports day."

Your use of the word "labels" tells us all we need to know.

Your posts are incredibly ignorant and offensive.

Swanhildapirouetting · 13/07/2015 11:14

God, this thread is so depressing.

This is a point I think we are in some sort of communist society where we are all being trained for some mad idea of "citizenship" where participating in Sports Day is good for our children and prepares them to work for the higher good. excuse them?? Wtf - it is not military service and it is not a job = it is SCHOOL. School is a place you get nurtured and encouraged not taught that you have to fit in and share the fate of humanity to suffer and endure against the odds..Sports Day isn't some rehearsal for Dunkirk Reallytired I agree that lots of PE teachers really want to encourage children and do differentiate but we are up against a problem. They don't have the time or resources to do all these "adjustments" you speak of. It isn't their fault but it is a fact. In the end the machine takes over. The state takes over. Only parents can actually stand up for the children and respectfully remind teachers that sometimes the factory setting is not going to work.

I have two children who find PE difficult, one with dyspraxia and one with ASD and possibly dyspraxia (still being diagnosed) The teachers have been really helpful but in the end they just couldn't provide the differentiation within the resources of school. Ds2 refused to wear the rugby mouth guard due to sensory problems. So what is the teacher supposed to do - he has a class of 30 - provide an alternative sport at short notice? Ds1 was desperate to be in the Rugby team - teachers encouraged him and he ended up in C rugby team playing matches. Only problem was - he was still rubbish at rugby and found it really frightening. I'm thankful he had the experience but I'm also glad he got out alive - he could have been injured. Resilence has nothing to do with it. It was just incredibly difficult to fit them in to the school sports schema with the issues they had.

SallyMcgally · 13/07/2015 14:15

I've been very happy to allow my dyspraxic son to miss sports lessons and days on occasion. Where do I draw the line? I use my judgement about what he's going to get out of time spent in misery on the rugby pitch, and what he could otherwise be doing. This year on a Tuesday morning he had Rugby followed by Woodwork followed by ICT. None of these are subjects he will be doing at GCSE. I was much happier to see him have a relaxed morning reading To Kill a Mocking Bird, or Lord of the Flies. We only did it once or twice, and he knew it was time that was to be properly invested in schoolwork.
And tbh the PE staff haven't been especially kind or understanding of his needs. IN fact when he came off the pitch once to find that someone had peed on his uniform he was told it was his fault for leaving it in the wrong place on the bench. I really cannot see why every single child has to be forced through the misery of school PE. Why can't they have an agreement with a local sports centre that a card can be stamped twice a week to show they've done some kind of physical activity like swimming or climbing, and leave PE for the motivated kids who really like it? That would allow kids who do feel humiliated and mocked to engage in physical activity in a way that they actually enjoy, which might encourage them to keep it up later. Which is, after all, one of the main reasons the government gives for making PE part of the national curriculum.

hedgehogsdontbite · 13/07/2015 14:49

My DD (also has ASD) has only ever had one understanding PE teacher and that was not in the UK. DD helped in library during most lessons and went for a walk in the park opposite with her PE teacher during the lunch break. Some days DD joined in the lessons, usually if it was dancing or rounders, and when she did she was allowed to wear her normal clothes and was excused from showering.

Abetes · 13/07/2015 14:55

Did you keep your son off school today?

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 13/07/2015 15:12

Out of all the events for an unsporty kid, shot put has got to be one of the best.

There will be minimal people watching.
It doesn't sound like very many of the participants have had a go before.
Unless he has unstable elbow or wrist joints, it's not actually dangerous for him to participate in.
The other athetes' shots will have been cleared before he has his turn, so there is no direct comparison when he throws his shot - someone will measure, write it down on a list - unless they are a truly high tech school it's unlikely to be updated on a scoreboard for all to see.

Actually, someone is going to come last in each event. Even if all the shot putters were big beefy men, someone would be last. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

FiveHoursSleep · 13/07/2015 21:19

My dyspraxic, always last Y7 DD with ASD was assigned the discus for her sports day on Friday. She'd never done it before, so it was obviously a low level event and I asked her if she wanted to take the day off but the girls all went in dressed up and everyone has to walk/run/skip a mile for a local charity, and she wanted to participate.
She did okay in her event and came 4th out of 12 girls and was delighted that she wasn't last.
Because she wanted to go, I sent her in but if she had been upset at the prospect I would have kept her home without a second thought.

FiveHoursSleep · 13/07/2015 21:34

Having read the rest of the replies to this thread I can see we are quite lucky with our PE department. They are very kind to DD2 despite her inability ( she is hypermobile and has low muscle tone too) and have managed to keep her motivated.

Original poster

basildonbond · 13/07/2015 22:20

sigh .. how many times do I have to say that coming last is not the problem - I've no idea where he'd come, I don't care and more importantly neither does ds - the idea of competition doesn't make sense to him

He didn't go in today and frankly missed nothing ... he said he'd have been quite happy to go in for normal lessons but obviously they weren't happening

His shoulder joints are very unstable so along with his low muscle tone I don't think shot put would have been the best idea anyway

And obviously reallytired I am in regular contact with school but you know what, things like his annual review and seeing the Ed Psych and working out what strategies will work best and what one-to-one help he needs and should he drop a subject etc etc are all slightly more important than sodding sports day

'Activities' afternoon and non-uniform day are coming up this week too - argh!! The end of term is very hard for ds ...

OP posts:

Friedgreenpajamas · 13/07/2015 22:23

You of course did the right thing. Hope he had a happy day.

SallyMcgally · 13/07/2015 22:28

Well done OP. Right decision for today xx

GiddyOnZackHunt · 13/07/2015 23:39

Well done Basildon It is hard to explain the lack of competitiveness that can occur with ASD. I remember DD freaking out at 2 when party games happened. She had no idea whether she'd win or lose but instinctively she had an aversion. NT DS can't get in there quick enough. Really wants to win at everything physical.

FiveHoursSleep · 13/07/2015 23:57

Sorry, didn't mean to make light of it. You definitely did the right thing if he was going to be upset about it.
Interesting point about the lack of competitiveness though. I've never observed that in DD but thinking about it it is there in some form.
I know what you mean about the lack of routine at this time of the year too.

insanityscatching · 14/07/2015 17:39

I would have done the same too Basildon. Dd won't compete because of the uncertainty as to whether or not she would win or come last. Because she can't predict the outcome she won't take a chance.
Sports day at dd's school is voluntary so dd watched for the hour that those not competing were allowed.She added a blue ribbon to her hair in deference to the school allowing house coloured accessories for those watching.
Dd is currently not doing PE at all because the PE teacher made someone cry and so dd won't go so avoiding the possibility that she might be made to cry. School are having to suck it up because she either misses PE or refuses to go to school.Change of teacher in September planned so as to help matters.

SophiePendragon · 14/07/2015 17:46

Mine got put down for the shot put, (and is built quite sturdily tbf) and the discus as reserve.

He has never done any of these activities before. I think the put the kids whose talents at sport remain undetected in for the ones no one else wants to do. I wouldn't take it personally.

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