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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at ds's sports day allocation?

144 replies

basildonbond · 10/07/2015 18:55

Ds is in Y10 he has ASD, dyspraxia and low muscle tone. He is 6'3" with a 24" waist and his arms and legs look like twiglets - he has an air of fragility as if a gust of wind could carry him away.

His school has sports day next week and the children are allocated an event - they can't choose. Ds has been put down for the shot put. Yes, really ...

Dh thinks someone in the PE department is deliberately taking the piss and wants me to go in all guns blazing. I have no intention of letting ds be utterly humiliated so am going to keep him off school on Monday. WWYD?

OP posts:

onthering · 10/07/2015 21:28

Have any of them ever done shot put before? If not, he probably won't be at a disadvantage. Lack of technique will be just as much of a problem as lack of brawn. Maybe that's why they have done, it might give him more a level playing field than other options.

NickiFury · 10/07/2015 21:37

I have a child with ASD, dyspraxia hyper mobility and low muscle tone too. Keep him off. My ds does judo, swimming, indoor climbing and football and works his socks off to become proficient at them. It took a LOT to get him confident enough to do these activities and I certainly wouldn't be opening him up to ridicule by forcing him into the situation you describe OP. No chance.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 10/07/2015 21:41

00100001 you have clearly never been utterly incompetent at sport.

That's not encouraging behaviour, cheering on the person who is last, it is (a) humiliating if you didn't want to be there at all in the first place therefore would like to just get it over and done without fuss and without drawing attention to your failure, and (b) completely nonsensical to people who don't see finishing a sporting event as any kind of achievement because they're rubbish at it and find it weird that it's compulsory.

OP just keep him home for the day and tell the school why. Given most schools' general sensitivity to variance in academic ability and the availability of extra support in that area, it's very odd that the sport challenged should just have their incompetence rubbed in their face in the manner of a 19th century boys boarding school

honeysucklejasmine · 10/07/2015 21:45

I used to chose the field events, as they took place in a far corner and no-one cared. Then I hurt my back playing rugby outside of school and from then on didn't participate. Instead I helped run the high jump, measuring and resetting the poles.

Could you suggest he does something like that in future?

SanityClause · 10/07/2015 21:50

We have had 'issues' with the PE dept - his teacher phoned me in Y7 to complain that he was taking too long to get changed and that his motor skills were very poor - well durr, tell me something I don't know ..,

Ha! Reminds me of the English teacher who told DD2 off for spelling "dyslexic" incorrectly. (She's quite good at shot put, though.)

StrangeGlue · 10/07/2015 21:53

This lad's in y10 not y5 I think asking to do a 'helping teachers set up' job is going to exacerbate his problems if the worry is being laughed at.

I wouldn't go in all guns blazing but I would very reasonably ask for a copy of the assessment which was made taking into account his reasonable adjustments which resulted in this allocation.

SanityClause · 10/07/2015 21:56

Sorry, forgot to say, yes, keep him off. He has enough to contend with.

weebarra · 10/07/2015 22:03

My DS1 is only but is also dyspraxic and DH and I have already had the conversation about keeping him off in the future. He's pretty shit at physical things and he is well aware of that already. We do practise lots of activities but I'd not want him to be put off physical activities because he's embarrassed. So yes, I can completely understand where you're coming from.

ooerrmissus · 10/07/2015 22:15

001 etc I wonder if our kids are at the same school? DSs school is exactly like that, everyone cheers on everyone because yes, it's very exciting cheering the winner but they recognise that it's the taking part that counts, especially for those kids for whom finishing the race is an achievement in itself. That said it is a very small school where everyone knows everyone else and I suspect in s larger secondary school it would be completely different.
In your position OP I would beinded to keep him off. I don't say that lightly as my DS1 has similar issues to yours and I would generally support him doing his best regardless. However you know your son best, if he is going to feel humiliated then sod it, it's not worth it.

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:19

sweet yes I have, I got entered into the high-jump for some odd reason, I could barely jump over a hurdle, let alone the high jump bar.

But I still took part, came last, just kinda... flopped into the bar and no... I wasn't humiliated

Swanhildapirouetting · 10/07/2015 22:19

just to put a different spin on things - ds1 who is dyspraxic was given no activity at all at Sports Day two years running (they get picked by class sports captains and he wasn't) Their Sports Days are only for the really sporty children and the others just watch. A whole day just spent sitting watching others compete. He would have given his eye teeth to be actually in an event, any event. I kept Ds2 off completely when it was his Sports Day in the same school and he hadn't been picked either.

Year 7 he was frustrated, Year 8 he was humiliated and in tears not being in anything (he thought they might fit him in but they never did) and Year 9 he just took a book and quite enjoyed bumming around doing nothing in a field.. This year they did an engineering challenge instead not much good at engineering either but it was fun..

The whole thing stinks. Ask your ds what HE wants to do; maybe the shot put might intrigue him and he won't find it as humiliating as you think.. At least they are involving him.

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:19

(i think it might have been a 'last minute' jobby)

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:22

and sweet what is wrong with encouraging people?

Do we not all do it in everyday life? For example, when your kiddo is struggling riding a bike, do we not go "Come on! you can do it! don;t give up" that kind of thing?

Or if we;re doing a charity run, do we not encourage people to get to the end - despite it being hard? I know I've been that person at the end of a 5k dragging myself along with the help of others.

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:24

One could argue that if it's OK to say if you're going to be last in sports day, then skive off. But if you're going to be bottom of the maths class... skive off? Err I'm probably gonna fail my English GCSE, how humiliating... no bother, just skive off.

LashesandLipstick · 10/07/2015 22:24

001 it's less about giving up and more about not wanting to get the piss taken out of you!

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2015 22:27

You can't compare Maths/ English GCSE with mucking about on a sports field doing sports you are no good at in front of everyone.

Original poster

basildonbond · 10/07/2015 22:30

no-one forces you to take part in a charity run - you choose to put yourself in that situation ...

most parents aren't sniggering at their child at the same time as taking off the stabilisers

however imagine you've been forced to take part in something you know you're crap at - and everyone else knows it too - you're struggling round the course wishing the ground would just open and swallow you and the ultra-sporty kid who finished ten minutes ago oh so kindly runs alongside you cheering you on, to make your sporting humiliation complete ... while the teachers pat themselves on the back for having such encouraging children in their class

that's the difference and that's why encouragement isn't always welcomed

OP posts:

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 10/07/2015 22:35

It's quite easy to hide being bottom of the maths class. No such luck at sports day.

LashesandLipstick · 10/07/2015 22:36

Plus PE teachers often have a deep hatred of dyspraxic kids. I've yet to see a teacher bully so done for being bottom of the class at maths

LashesandLipstick · 10/07/2015 22:36

Someone

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:38

OK, I shall go and organise some therapy for myself for failing abysmally at the high jump as obviously it was humiliating

00100001 · 10/07/2015 22:39

if it means that much to you OP, just ring up the school and lie and tell them he's sick.

hedgehogsdontbite · 10/07/2015 22:41

People with AS will have a life time of sticking out, being ridiculed, being looked at, laughed at, left out and being humiliated. I sometimes wonder if non autistic people truly understand how utterly soul destroying it is to grow up with the isolation and loneliness that is autism. As an adult with AS I would never put a child with AS through the humiliation that is sports day if they don't want to do it.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 10/07/2015 22:49

How nice for you to have survived untouched, 001, and to decide that because you're fine everyone else is.

Personally I can still flash back to a dreadful sports event when I was about 8, and the resentment I still feel because my mum made me go and then made me keep going at the event when I was desperate to stop.

Fuck "having a go". Not everyone likes sport.

Original poster

basildonbond · 10/07/2015 22:56

001 there's no way he's going - that was never an option - however I really doubt see why I should lie about why he's not there - what kind of example would that set

I want the PE dept to think about their policies and to realise the effects their decisions can have on their pupils' confidence

OP posts:

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