AIBU to be pissed off at ds's sports day allocation?

[basildonbond]

Ds is in Y10 he has ASD, dyspraxia and low muscle tone. He is 6'3" with a 24" waist and his arms and legs look like twiglets - he has an air of fragility as if a gust of wind could carry him away.

His school has sports day next week and the children are allocated an event - they can't choose. Ds has been put down for the shot put. Yes, really ...

Dh thinks someone in the PE department is deliberately taking the piss and wants me to go in all guns blazing. I have no intention of letting ds be utterly humiliated so am going to keep him off school on Monday. WWYD?

I have watched a lot of secondary sports days, and children are really supportive of each other. Surprisingly so.

He might well be doing shot put because it is a low profile event. Races have far more vocal support given to them, and the runners are more exposed than the field competitors.

Lastly, my DS is also oddly tall and scrawny and is not a disaster at shot put. Long levers.

A child has a disablity with affects their ablity to partisipate in normal school life then you need to talk to their teachers weeks before hand rather than pulling them out on the day. Most schools (including PE) teachers will make reasonable adaptations gvien enough notice. There is no need to go in blazing, a half decent school will respond to reasonable concerns. By law they have to make reasonable adjustments.

I repeat myself, a disablity should not be used as an excuse to get out of something a child simply does not want to do. It is perfectly possible for an child with ASD to become spoilt if every whim is pandered to. Lots of children (both SEN and NT) hate sports day, but they simply have to get on with it.

All the modern PE teachers I have met have been professional people. They really care passionately about the children whatever their sporting ablity. The grumpy sadistic PE teacher of the past is something in history books. Nowadays PE teachers have to meet the same standards as academic subject teachers.

I love the world you live in ^ReallyTired* I wish ds and I lived there. You know in that world where reasonable adjustments must be made and a suitable education can and will be provided with enough notice.

Maybe if we lived there in that world ds wouldn't be home educated because there is NO school nearby that can accommodate him (I live in London). Maybe he wouldn't have spent his formative primary school years being assaulted and restrained, coming home daily covered in cuts and bruises and regressing to the point where he became non verbal age eight and I had no choice but to remove and home educate him.

ReallyTired are you a PE teacher that has taken personal offence to ASD children not wanting to participate in something which humiliates them?

Your attitude is very offensive

Excellent post by CamelHump at 02:02:41
Also by RogueDad at 09:10:17 ....."It sport's day, not Maths A level, for Pete's sake - people need to stop indulging the pretence that it actually matters"

The difference it PUBLIC. Why should you have to do something you're not good at in front of a crowd? There would be uproar (quite rightly) at public spelling tests or maths tests, and you would never ask someone who can't sing to do a solo - If doing something poorly in public is character building, why not?
My nieces' school have regular concerts where any pupil can perform...solo, duets, groups - singing, playing, interpretive dance, whatever floats your boat. Whenever a child from the Resource Base they have there, performs, you can just feel the love in the room from the other pupils. There is no humiliation, just admiration for people who don't find life easy but who actually get up and do what they can. I think some people on this thread have a very blinkered view of the attitudes of all pupils, staff and parents who are alongside pupils with SEN/D.

My nieces' school have regular concerts where any pupil can perform..

CAN. I take it they aren't forced? So it's not the same

My "blinkered" view comes from actual experience of other people's attitudes to my ds. I have been astounded by the hostility and accusations towards both of us, him surrounding his autism. I'm glad your experiences have been largely positive, mine have not been, over nearly a decade.

It is possible that your DS' long limbs and height may give him a sligyt advantage in "beginners" shotput. You say he is stronger than he appears? If none of the participants have been taught technique or selected specifically because they very powerful, then I don't imagine any of them will heft the shot very far.
I recall doing shot put in a school sports day, completely unskilled. The child who did best was the lanky cricket bowler, probably because he was confident about throwing and controlling a ball.

At all the secondaries I've taught in, shot putt and javelin are in the morning with other field events. There is no one watching for the heats, only the PE teachers recording scores, and the non-athletic students usually ask to do these as they are over quickly, have no audience and no one has ever practised much so they are on an equalish footing. Perhaps the PE staff think they are "protecting" your son by putting him down for an event with no audience, and therefore saving him from having to race in front of the crowds in the afternoon, particularly if everyone is expected to participate in some way.
However, if it was my son and he was distressed at the thought, I'd let him stay home regardless of the intentions.

At our school every child has to participate but gets a chance to put their name down for the event they want to do. There are some non-sporty alternatives though. Thing is only the track events are watched so no one really cares what they get - if you get shot or triple jump you do your minute on your event then go sit by the track.

That being said - I was put off sport for years due to being last - really really last - in a race at primary. I've only just started running again.

Dd is very unsporty, tall, skinny and gangly and elected to do discus at her sports day having never done it before. She did fine - middle of the pack. No-one was really watching her and she came away unscathed.

Great,glad for you.

Has your dd got SEN,poor confidence or low self esteem issues though?

Yes, she has poor confidence and low self esteem.

Maybe her issues in confidence differ to those in other children. Lucky for her she also has no Sen.

If my ds merely had low self esteem and was gangly and unsporty I'd encourage him to have a go... It's the combination of his physical difficulties, his ASD, his history with the PE dept and having no choice about what to do that's the problem here

As an aside I'd love to meet some of your lovely, supportive, inclusive PE teachers IME sports teachers become sports teachers because they were very good at sports at school - and often find it almost impossible to grasp the idea that lots of people have a real problem with school sport. It's fine for my other DC - they are both ultra-sporty, throw themselves into any and every kind of physical activity- but it doesn't work for ds. My niece is also dyspraxic and has had v similar experiences at completely different schools so I don't think this is an isolated problem

Yes, I wasn't trying to belittle anyone's problems, just trying to be helpful. I was just saying that at her school it is compulsory to compete at sports day. She had to choose her own event. She chose discus because she knew that no one had done it before so no one would be an expert, she knew it would be out of the way with no-one watching and the teachers measured the results quietly so you didn't know how you had done unless you asked. The teacher in OP's case might have used the same logic and judged it to be the best event for him. I'll leave this thread alone if you think that I'm not qualified to comment - just to say good luck to OP's ds - hope it goes well.

Btw to all the posters suggesting discussing it with the senco to ensure suitable adaptations and preparations can be made, yes that would be exactly the way to go in an ideal world

However ds was told on Friday, I found out when he got home from school - sports day is on Monday

Doesn't really leave a lot of time does it?

At DD's school only the students who want to take part get involved in sports day. The rest just sit and watch.

"ReallyTired Your lack of empathy and understanding has left me gobsmacked at your ignorance. You clearly haven't even seen the shoes that some parents on here have walked in.

Are you one of these Nazi PE teachers?"

Goodwin law, envoked on this thread. Clearly I have hit a nerve.

I think that describing PE teachers as nazis is pretty dispictable. The nazis murdered people with severe autism. Forcing a child to take part in sports day is hardly on a par with the gas chambers. Many disabled and jewish children never had the chance to to live, yet alone to take part in sports day.

It is possible to have empathy, but be unsympathetic with the idea of teens skipping school. No one likes doing badly at sports day, but that is not a reason not to take part. I feel that the parents of children who miss school sports day should be fined for unauthorised absence.

My son is currently having physio and really does struggle with PE. His PE teachers have been kind and compassionate to him. We have found that calm discussion enables us to find a way that he can take part in normal PE activities (including sports day) safely.

It's hardly skipping school. His education won't be suffering because he didn't take part in an unwanted sporting activity the Monday before they break up.

ReallyTired, and I feel that the school I went to should have to compensate me for the huge amount of mental trauma resulting in anxiety issues I have as a result of them showing about the same empathy as you towards my ASD. I'm actually extremely offended by your comment that parents should be fined - how dare you tell parents of ASD children how to parent them. You have adults with ASD and parents of children with ASDs telling you how it is and you STILL think you can talk over us and that you know better. That's a very offensive attitude.

In our school a lot of the less sport ones do shot put. The reasoning behind this is that it takes place without an audience at the far end of the field. We have a few very talented shot-putters (including one regional champion) but they are both quiet friendly types not in with the 'cool' crowd. There is much less potential for the less sporty to be embarrassed in shot put than in one of the track events that get a lot of attention. It's possible that this event has been quite carefully chosen for him and his friend.

"My son is currently having physio and really does struggle with PE. His PE teachers have been kind and compassionate to him."

Well, bully for you. Not all PE teachers are like this.

DD is also having physio and is on strong drugs for her joint problems. Despite the PE department having a letter from the children's hospital they are showing no understanding or compassion towards her. The same teachers showed the same lack of compassion to my friend's daughter who is also suffering joint and health problems, to such an extent that the friend's daughter couldn't walk or go to school the day after being forced to do PE in spite of a letter.

PE teachers shouldn't assume that all students with letters from parents/medical professionals asking their child to be excused from PE are just trying to get out of it. There are some children who can't do PE rather than won't. This attitude is extremely discouraging to students like my daughter who finds some types of exercise easier than others, and some almost physically impossible.