Do you think private schools give your children a advantage in life ?

[mistybear]

I am thinking of going back to work full time so I can send my dd to a private secondary school. My husband and I keep going around in circles of whether or not there is any advantage to a private education. We are not rich hence having to work full time to afford it and this is one of the questions, will having parents that are not that well off be a massive problem being at private school, we are not in London and the area we live in is not massively affluent. One of the reasons I keep thinking about it is that the people I have as friends and some of my family that have been privately educated are doing well and more importantly doing a job they wanted to do. My dd is hardworking and has already achieved her leaving school targets even though she is in year five, the state secondary schools around us are not the best but a couple are not too bad educational wise but all of them do not have clubs and sports that the private school has. She loves her violin, science and space also her ponies and she loves her warhammer !! she is also a only child x

fart

mini it's funny we were only saying the other day that you can look at things on line or in a book but nothing is a substitute for the real thing or listening to an expert in real life. My DS recently saw a painting in the flesh, one that he knows really well, he's seen it a hundred times on line and in books etc but when he saw it he was completely bowled over he just couldn't stop looking at it.

Thank you for all your replies some food for thought there ?? I would not be considering a independent school if the state ones around us were really good as I did well at a state and so did my husband and his brothers, but a few of them have been under special measures and the really good one is only good at some levels !! This is unlike her primary school which is rated outstanding. The church schools round here are very good but because everyone wants to go there you have to have a letter by the church stating that you attend church regularly and have done for the last two years which is fair enough. The money side of it is a sticking point because I can always think of better things to spend that amount of money on usually equine !! Lol and she is really keen and talented in that area. It's a hard descision but we are off to see one in March at a open day I am not sure if it's any good in real life but on paper it looks to tick all the boxes x

Parents make an enormous difference. I don't know what happens in the independent sector to make them so confident. I just saw the results. Eton produced the most easy well mannered people I met.
Could it be debating societies, theatre productions and first rate guest speakers???
Robert Peston has some charity connected with this.

I sometimes wonder why you live where you do, given your interests...
Two reasons; we work here and I'm a country person at heart with a love of our rural landscape, to quote the wonderful words of Yeats:
"And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow."

My advise misty dump the equines. Ive got 40 forty years of horse owner under my belt I then had a road to Damascus conversation and got rid of the lot and haven't sat on one since. I now realise that they are an enormous waste of time, energy, effort and money. Life is definitely better, easier less disappointing and financially more solvent without them!

But happygardening, the whole point of the special exhibitions is that they give you the sort of information you describe, rather than just leaving you to wander around admiring but not necessarily understanding much of what is in front of you. Likewise with the lectures.

Having a father who spent time sharing with his family his fascination and enjoyment of the amazing world around him meant far more to me and had a far greater effect on me than any teacher in school sharing their passions ever did.

Lol happygardening I know that feeling but their soft eyes and little nickers when they see you melt my heart and when I see my dd achieve something on them she thought she could not do makes me very proud ???? but if we did not have the ponies I would not have to work to send her to school and then I would be very bored and would have to work anyway so I would not go mad !! Lol x I did not realise there was so many replies when I replied before so I will answer some of the questions - I am not wanting to send her to network as I think friends and family will most prob be better for that anyway. Some of the reason is the academic side of it but not the big reason as I really do think if you want to learn and do well you will. it's more the social, music, sport side of a independent school that has me interested it would be nice for her to be encouraged in her love of sport and music rather then it be the bare minimum just to satisfy the school curriculum, and round where we live it does seem to be the rarity that girls do science other then what they have to do but I can only speak from hearing other mums talk about their older children not from actually experience but I do want her in a environment that tells children of course you can try different stuff and encourages them to try and experience different learning, cultural and social activities but it's such a shame you have to pay for it ?? basically I want my old state school but they are so few and far between which is very sad.

I think Halk you're deliberately missing my point.
Rabbit just want to point out this wasn't a "special exhibition" just a normal week at one of our nearest museums. If you are lucky enough to learn some of this at school in what ever sector and have your interest kindled so that you can continue to pursue it in your own time and also get more out of it because you go already knowing a bit then I think it's great. If on the other hand you can achieve this solely at home then this is also great. Even better is to have both.

Having said all of the above, though, happygardening, I'm not saying that your ds having all that offered to him at his age is a bad thing. I think it's fantastic that he is so excited by everything that is offered to him and is genuinely appreciating it. It's just that I don't think it is in any way necessary, or offering something that cannot be accessed in other ways over the course of time, or something that I would regret not paying for my own children to receive, or something that I believe is genuinely appreciated for what it is by all people receiving it. You have found one way of educating your ds2 that works well for him, no more, no less. What he may lose in some ways, he gains in many others. You've done well by him. The formula that works for you and your ds2 isn't the right formula for every parent interested in ensuring their children grow up to be well rounded, cultured, thoughtful and interesting people. And you as a family have had a colossal influence on how your ds2 reacts to what is put in front of him - the school may provide the education, but you provided the human being ready to respond to it in the way that he has.

DD educated privately and studied Renaissance art in Bologna. Obviously you know my DD Hakluyt!!

OP, do think carefully about the money. Racehorses had to go when we had two at boarding school!!! I would also wonder why your DDs year 6 targets have been set in year 5. I assume you mean she is level 4 at the moment so you are confidently looking at top level 5 results next year.

Top schools have well known speakers, old boys/girls networks that offer work experience for current pupils, inspiring teachers, loads of sport opportunities (not just teams), fantastic music and drama opportunities, lots of trips abroad, amazing art, encouragement to try new things, and add value to your already stellar academic profile. A decent pastoral care system is vital. A sense of belonging to the school by supporting its traditions is also encouraged and can form strong bonds between pupils. There is a difference between state and public schools but less between state and lowly independent schools. Never underestimate the costs and make sure you really can afford it. The 18th birthday parties are big and so are the 13th and 16ths. The sports trips abroad can be £3000. Are you going to say DD can't go?

mini I think my DC deserve both the schooling I can buy them and every success they gain.

They are warm , kind, hardworking , enthusiastic kids .

Never really had any bother with them. Grasp every opportunity that comes their way . Just nice kids .

I would just find the best school you can, to support your daughter's academic ability - whether that is state or private.

Hi millymollymama at dd school at parents evening you get told what the national average is at year 6 and based on how your child is doing they give you a target of what they should be leaving yr 6 on, my dd has already achieved her year 6 targets so they have told us she will be leaving school if she continues at the same learning curve 3-4 stages above the national average x very proud of her :) x but it also could mean she has peaked and never gets any better you can never tell !! X the money side of it is that yes I would need to work full time but that is so I don't have to panic if my husbands bonus does not get paid I will know the school fees will be paid. as for parties trips etc if we were to struggle with that side of it my dad would help out x

Don't worry about birthday parties etc - it really isn't that different from any other school. I find it's the extra-curricular activities that mount up - and of course, the school fees tend to increase each year.

When you are picking a school you are picking a childhood for your child. Maybe a private will open doors and maybe it won't. A lot depends on what you consider to be important.

Our DCs went to private school and I think it was worth it. They are now in their 20s, both doing well in life and both grateful for the opportunities they were given. They are both well qualified, ambitious, pleasant and confident (if I may say so myself!)

Like you, I worked to pay the school fees. It was not easy at times, we had some times that were tough but managed it. It was never an issue that there were people with more money than us as the youngsters all just got on with it

Nobody can give you an answer of whether it is best for your child and you never know how they might do elsewhere but I do believe mine have done better than they would have done at the local school

scousadelic I want your name!

I haven't read whole thread but just wanted to add that many parents can only just manage the fees. Undoubtedly the right school can make a huge difference. I don't regret a single penny of my DDs education, her small independent school gave her the confidence to flourish and achieve in every way. I drive a very old car, we don't have expensive holidays but it's completely worth it. I just knew when I visited it would be worth the sacrifice. If there had been a good state then I would have opted for that. Our local state couldn't offer a foreign language at GCSE due to lack of interest and when we were shown the room for disruptive pupils, it did put us off. Only you can weigh your options. Good luck.

I have to say the trips abroad at DS1 previous comp we significantly more expensive than then trips abroad at DS2 school, I get then impression they trying really hard to keep then costs as low as possible. A friend with a DD at DS1's last school is off to China and it was costing nearly 4k she was "selected" to go so my friend feels she can't really say no she is working extra hours to pay for it.
Uniform can be more expensive in the independent sector simply because there's often more of it for example two pairs of trainers is very common but most schools have thriving 2nd hand shops.

I had a private education at boarding school from age 9 - 18. I then went to a red brick uni.

I now have 2 DD's & have spent my time in the years since they were born working in shops & as a cleaner part time as I can't afford childcare.

My parents would have been better off sending me to a local comp & using the school fees money for an au pair for my kids while I got a decent job.

I'm sure it isn't a popular view, but I'm not the only one in this situation. Most people don't advertise it.

"My parents would have been better off sending me to a local comp & using the school fees money for an au pair for my kids while I got a decent job"
An au pair? kipper your parents could have paid for an army of au pairs if they'd saved 9 years of boarding fees and unlike nannies they're not that expensive .
I'm sure at the time they believed they were doing the right thing.

Thewordfactory - if some kids do spectacularly well at non-selective state schools that are middle ranking (like dd's school) why do you think your dc's wouldn't? And wouldn't be happy?

Maybe you're really rich WF and can give your kids all the stuff that other children have to work for, but Christ - spending the equivalent of the value of a house on schooling, when they could have left a state school with fabulous A level grades, good friends and a huge sense of achievement from having competed on a level playing field and triumphed... I don't get it. If I had kids who were amazingly level headed, hard working and bright I wouldn't have a single doubt about state school.

It's those of is with dense, lazy and rebellious kids who should be tempted by the independent sector as these are the kids who can sink in a big school with many disengaged children.....

My DD found at University that the self congratulatory triumphant state school students were unfortunately unwilling to mix with their privately educated peers. Sad really.