Do you think private schools give your children a advantage in life ?

[mistybear]

I am thinking of going back to work full time so I can send my dd to a private secondary school. My husband and I keep going around in circles of whether or not there is any advantage to a private education. We are not rich hence having to work full time to afford it and this is one of the questions, will having parents that are not that well off be a massive problem being at private school, we are not in London and the area we live in is not massively affluent. One of the reasons I keep thinking about it is that the people I have as friends and some of my family that have been privately educated are doing well and more importantly doing a job they wanted to do. My dd is hardworking and has already achieved her leaving school targets even though she is in year five, the state secondary schools around us are not the best but a couple are not too bad educational wise but all of them do not have clubs and sports that the private school has. She loves her violin, science and space also her ponies and she loves her warhammer !! she is also a only child x

But there is "real pressure" on you to succeed if you father is a very successful CEO then he's unlikely to be exactly delighted if you decide to become a kayaking instructor expectations are enormously high this is for the guild "real pressure".

I think if most people were honest, then if they have a choice in the school their child goes to, then they choose the school that offers them the best advantage.

Personally I don't agree with private education. But the biggest criteria we had when buying our house was school catchment (primary, secondary and sixth form). So selection by postcode.

Agree home life is massively important and can bring huge advantages. Then again, friendships groups can increase that advantage.

I've never knowingly met any "slebs" so I can't comment on them. Mind you I'm so out of touch with that world that unless they had a 10" badge on stating "slebs" I wouldn't recognise them.

I went to a great state school, slightly rough six form and then Oxbridge. I am very pro state education. Or I was until my DD was born in a borough where the best state schools would barely scrape mid table in the borough I was brought up in. (All London)

I viewed some private schools for her, expecting basically to see my old school but with a fee. My god was i wrong. Amazing facilities, incredible after school clubs, artist of the week, musician of the week, music classes from class 1, lots of fun but great academic achievements too. I basically found her my school with fucking glittery bells on.

My DH was privately educated (one of top 10 schools in the country). He has achieved no more than I have in life.

and, as Alan Bennett talked about so well, not go into "old-person right-wing panic mode".

Just make sure you don't go into "silly-person left-wing complacent mode".

It's not all about money, it's about cultural capital.

My ds goes to a state school most mumsnetters wouldn't touch with a barge pole. But I am in a position to give him loads of cultural capital. I think this, plus the many lessons he is learning in his school, will give him an excellent start in lfe.........

Happygardening. Yeah but if they don't succeed in attaining a great career or great academic results (Degree) they won't be living in a "Bedsit" surviving on benefits or a minimum wage job.

It won't matter how disappointed their farther is, they won't ever be "short" having £5 to last a week.....

Father....

happygsrdening I agree that it isn't just the schools that propel these children into certain industries.

Their background, expectations, connections and of course .... Cold hard cash all have a huge impact ( can't do that internship if your parents don't live in London and are happy to fund you for a few months).

It's a slippery mixture I suspect. But one that's almost impossible to replicate without the school/the parents/the money.

You're right smoke but this doesn't mean that they are it ambitious for their DC's.v

I admire your chutzpah hak.

Me I've only got 24 hours in a day and one pair of hands. I simply can't cover all the bases that my DCs schools can.

I'm a grafter but I know my limits .

I genuinely admire you Halk if you're able to give your DS "loads" of "cultural capital", as parents despite the fact that we're both well educated, well read and interested in many things, we don't have sufficient depth of knowledge to give our DS's all the "cultural capital" I would like him to receive.

Not necessarily; a lot have to do with the child potential and his/her attitude to life. There are lots of people who have been privately educated and have achieved nothing and other kids who have been state educated and have achieved good positions; however a good state secondary is important IMO.

Also, have met lots of high achievers from private schools who have high positions but are not happy nor have stable relationships and families. One of my neighbours went to one of the best private schools in London and is a neurotic and alcoholic; she was from a working class family and not sure if she ever felt she fit in the school. She does have a job though.

The school definitely needs to be right for your child and family whether is private or state. I will be worried to put my DC in a private school where they don’t fit.

My brother was privately educated; very academic and had a scholarship during university (not in England); he worked out well and is a good guy but was unable to get a job in his career; he now lives in the UK and works for my DH. On the other hand I went to a good state school and one of the best state university in my home country; worked there for a long time; came to London, did an MBA, qualified my degree and have a good position that gives me flexibility for my family; however I have always been very focused and persistent to achieve what I want.

Hak, I know what you mean. I am home at 4 so can help the DC with homework. I also hope to be able to share my love of books, music and art with them. But I am hesitant to push it on them too much. Not a keen visitor of museums either

Sometimes, hanging out with private school parents (in RL and on MN) I get the message we are doomed DOOMED with our kids at the comp.

Then I chat with normal people and am reminded there is a whole world out there.

Not just the UK but a whole world, full of opportunities and possibilities.

I don't think one person has said that a private education makes you immune from relationship problems. neurosis or substance abuse. Neither has any one said that children at state schools are "doomed".

I don't know about "life" that's too broad and advantage will mean different things to different people.
I defiantly think they give an advantage in education. I went to a very good university, I knew two other people, other than me, that went to state comprehensives, out of maybe 150-200 people that were public, private or grammar school educated!

But happygardening - you HAVE said that wealthy parents you have met are very ambitious for their children and wouldn't expect their children to become kayaking instructors... you can't have it all ways. Your child may not actually be doomed to become a kayaking instructor, but clearly to some people that would be a huge failing on their part...

Success is in the eye of the beholder. What we are talking about is what the privately educated deem to be success, which funnily enough corresponds with what the privately educated end up doing.

Anyone not wanting that sort of life is, of course, lacking ambition.

If you private school expenditure is not giving your child some kind of non-academic advantage, I can't see the point of spending it.

As you go down the social scale of private schools they seem to confer less of an advantage IMO, and you might just as well find a leafy comprehensive, if you can see the wood for the trees.

"I genuinely admire you Halk if you're able to give your DS "loads" of "cultural capital", as parents despite the fact that we're both well educated, well read and interested in many things, we don't have sufficient depth of knowledge to give our DS's all the "cultural capital" I would like him to receive."

Sorry- I should have said- I can provide access to cultural capital. Obviously I can't provide it personally! .

But I do know that your concept of what should be made available to young people is rather different to mine........

Sometimes it is fun to discover things for yourself. Some are born with cultural capital, some achieve cultural capital, and some have cultural capital thrust upon 'em.

I personally have not said you're doomed if you go to a state school, yes I've said most parents paying for education, especially at the small number of big names, are exceedingly ambitious and without a doubt their ambitions for their DC's don't include being kayaking instructor as a full time long term career path. But I'm unable to extrapolate from this the concept that all children in the state sector are doomed.
Having met some kayaking instructors by the way they seem very happy and well adjusted individuals who unlike many are in the fortunate position of doing a job that they absolutely love.

rabbit my experience of highly successful people is that they want their DC to be successful.

That doesn't necessarily mean earning a lot of money.

I know successful parents who have supported their DC through careers in sport, art, charity etc.

Kids in private schools have, on average, twice as much spent on their education as state educated children, and generally, you tend to get what you pay for. Not always better teaching, but smaller classes, more attention, better clubs and activities. Private schools can also exclude the most difficult to teach children so the pace of lessons can be faster.

I believe in equality of opportunity for children, therefore I'm against private schools on principle. I wouldn't send my children to one.

I appreciate that as a parent I have an obligation to help my child succeed in life. In being a loving and supportive presence, and supporting them in their learning I think I'm fulfilling that obligation.