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Secondary education

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Original poster

Do you think private schools give your children a advantage in life ?

403 replies

mistybear · 15/02/2015 09:05

I am thinking of going back to work full time so I can send my dd to a private secondary school. My husband and I keep going around in circles of whether or not there is any advantage to a private education. We are not rich hence having to work full time to afford it and this is one of the questions, will having parents that are not that well off be a massive problem being at private school, we are not in London and the area we live in is not massively affluent. One of the reasons I keep thinking about it is that the people I have as friends and some of my family that have been privately educated are doing well and more importantly doing a job they wanted to do. My dd is hardworking and has already achieved her leaving school targets even though she is in year five, the state secondary schools around us are not the best but a couple are not too bad educational wise but all of them do not have clubs and sports that the private school has. She loves her violin, science and space also her ponies and she loves her warhammer !! she is also a only child x

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/02/2015 11:46

gently oh yes, I know all that. I'm just saying it as an example of something I'm not just going to be knee-jerkily contradictory about!

Snapespotions · 18/02/2015 11:47

Of course there are bad state schools out there. But there are some pretty dire private schools out there too!

TheWordFactory · 18/02/2015 11:49

rabbit I agree that there are some private schools which expect you feel grateful for paying your chequeWink.

But for the most part, I've found the three schools I've had DC attend to be very amenable to my views/ requests as a parent.

Also private school parents will tend to be quite used to making a case and, if not acquiesced to, at least given a proper hearing.

GentlyBenevolent · 18/02/2015 11:56

2+2 might be 5 though. :D

TheWordFactory · 18/02/2015 11:57

Or even 3 on some days Wink.

var123 · 18/02/2015 12:02

but the staff are accountable to the parents at the poor private schools. If they refuse the parents leave and the school is quickly in trouble. It does not work like that in the state sector. Parents can get stuck with a bad school and it can take years for ofsted to appear and even longer for things to start to improve. By then its too late for many of the children.

DontGotoRoehampton · 18/02/2015 12:23

Indeed. And I have said one of the reasons my DC attend a local indie is because the local state offering is dire. So even though your school may have a calm a purposeful learning atmosphere , this one definitely doesn't! (I have worked there - although it is an Ofsted 'good' school, no-one who knows it would ever think it). And if yours is further away than 2 miles from mine, we wouldn't have a chance of getting in.
And it is no point saying that parental pressure can improves it - it doesn't. The school is openly trying to attract local MC parents so that it can 'improve' - by intake rather than by teaching.
This is in a leafy area ( the school even changed its name so the name was more leafy Grin), but hose who are temporarily fooled swayed by the new building s and glossy brochures soon realise it is all just window-dressing.

rabbitstew · 18/02/2015 12:24

A school can be perfectly acceptable to the majority of kids and still not be willing to listen to you explaining why this doesn't make the way it is behaving towards your kid either acceptable or necessary.

TheWordFactory - I agree, more would try if given the chance. That's not the same thing as saying that you are wilfully blind if it doesn't float your personal boat.

Hakluyt · 18/02/2015 12:26

"
"If they tell me that 50% of the sixth form went to Oxbridge, or they've got an observatory, I'm not going to start a pissing contest about that!"

Dd's state school did have an Observatory! Grin.

Ds's, however, might have a magnifying glass somewhere if only someone could remember who had it last..................

rabbitstew · 18/02/2015 12:26

Also, some schools suffer from parental group-think - they all, as a group, think they made an excellent decision, even though in reality the teaching isn't brilliant, it's just that they have fairly amenable children, and they are not going to be swayed from that opinion by some trouble maker whose child is less amenable to middle-of-the-road mediocrity going in and asking for change. Grin

rabbitstew · 18/02/2015 12:27

Middle-of-the-road mediocrity going largely unnoticed by parents can be found in both sectors...

Hakluyt · 18/02/2015 12:28

What's wrong with it, DontGo? How does it differ from the OFSTED perception?

Snapespotions · 18/02/2015 12:33

but the staff are accountable to the parents at the poor private schools. If they refuse the parents leave and the school is quickly in trouble.

In theory, yes, but in reality, lots of pretty poor private schools manage to stay in business. I guess that some private school parents are fooled by "window dressing" as well. Wink

word, I absolutely agree that more kids from lower income backgrounds would give Oxbridge a go if they were encouraged to do so, but I'm not sure if that's the same as wanting to join the "dominant" group! That certainly isn't how I saw it when I applied to Cambridge from my comp, and I still have no interest in that now!

TheWordFactory · 18/02/2015 12:50

No of course people don't only apply to Oxbridge to be part of the dominant group (though there is no doubt that the dominant group do study there and a relatively few in number other institutions.

I just gave attendance at Oxbridge as a similar example, in that the dominant group hardly needed to make an effort to keep it to themselves. People readily talked themseleves and others out of it. No

Not for likes of us. You won't be happy there. Too difficult to get it etc etc

When I'm visiting schools as part of the widening access scheme, myths still abound. And schools, pupils and their families cheerfully buy into them...

Snapespotions · 18/02/2015 12:57

When I'm visiting schools as part of the widening access scheme, myths still abound. And schools, pupils and their families cheerfully buy into them...

Yes, I'm sure they do. Having said that, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have been happier somewhere other than Cambridge. I didn't particularly like the social scene there initially, and I far preferred my experience of visiting York. I preferred the course at York too.

I stuck with Cambridge because my school insisted that I would be a fool to turn it down. I have often wondered if that was the right decision. Undoubtedly, graduating from Cambridge has opened some doors for me, but perhaps York would have opened different doors? Who knows?!

TheWordFactory · 18/02/2015 13:42

snape you'll get no argumnet from me that Oxbridge is right for everyone.

I studied there and now teach there. I love it. But I really don't think it's the Only Show In Town.

I don't have an issue with anyone choosing another place because they think they'll be happier or like their course more etc provided they base their thoughts on facts as opposed to bonkers assumptions/myths etc

Snapespotions · 18/02/2015 13:54

word, I know that you're not arguing that Oxbridge is best for everyone.

By the end of my time in Cambridge, I did love it, as I eventually found a group of like-minded people who I wanted to spend time with. I don't regret going there at all, and I have some very happy memories of my time there.

However, I guess what I'm saying is that the "myths" were true to some extent. The kids who came from very wealthy backgrounds and "elite" schools had a rather different "culture" from my own - one that I did not particularly like or find attractive. I eventually became very good friends with some of them, as I learnt to see past the cultural differences, but their world was not one to which I aspired or which I wanted to inhabit. And I guess that's partly why I don't particularly want my dd to inhabit that world either. Their values and attitudes are not ones that I necessarily share.

Hakluyt · 18/02/2015 14:15

And there is a difference between Oxbridge being attainable but something you choose not to have a go at, and Oxbridge not even being on your radar. Or on your radar but you think it's "not for the likes of you".

wheresthebeach · 18/02/2015 15:07

DontGo...Hmmm...we're waiting for state options but have other choices. I wonder if I'm one of the 'swayed' parents. School use to have kids bused in but now most intake is local? Any other info you can share would be great (or PM if you're happy to).
Thanks

DontGotoRoehampton · 18/02/2015 15:16

wheresthebeach
name is three words, second word rhymes with 'dark'
if this sounds like yours, happy to give more info via PM

wheresthebeach · 18/02/2015 15:20

Oh Yes! That the one. Yes please. DD is dyslexic and I'm concerned about class size and whether she'll get the attention she needs. We are at a very well thought of state school and she gets no help because 'she's doing so well' without it. Confused.

We've a private option which I'm increasingly keen on as I want her to reach her potential but she needs support despite her ability to achieve well without it.

wandymum · 18/02/2015 15:44

that would be one of our state options too DontGo and wheresthebeach I ruled it out as a possibility because of the total lack of interest the head showed when I reported a fairly serious fight I'd witnessed between its pupils at a local playground.

wheresthebeach · 18/02/2015 16:13

No! That's awful WandyMum. I really thought they'd care about that because schools reputation is so important.

wandymum · 18/02/2015 16:21

It wasn't the current head - an interim one I think early last year so may be different now?

Hakluyt · 18/02/2015 16:25

So. People are talking about a named school. Someone comes on and says oh, I ruled it out because of the outrageous behaviour of the Head.

Oh,no! say people thinking of using the school, hastily readjusting their ideas

Oh, not the current head- an interim one, some time ago.

Right. Hmm