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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Why do schools insist on pupils attending parents evening

54 replies

18yearstooold · 09/12/2014 20:18

Parents evening tonight, all very nice 'are you enjoying the subject?' -addressed to the child, 'well they are doing really well' -gives a couple of examples, 'do you have any questions?'

Well actually yes I do but I don't want to raise them in front of my 13 year old as they might make her feel awkward or you may feel like i'm undermining you in front of your student!

Is this a thing with all schools now?

OP posts:
anothermakesthree · 09/12/2014 20:45

Seems so I'm afraid......at our primary school too!

TeenAndTween · 09/12/2014 20:47

I get the impression it is pretty standard in secondary schools.
I always discuss with DD1 any possible issues for each subject before the meeting.
If there was anything I wanted to raise but not in-front of DD I would email instead.

I think it is good if they are doing well as they hear the praise.
I think it is good if trying hard as they hear the praise.
I think it is good if struggling as they can hear that the teacher understands and is thinking how to help.
I think it is good if they are mucking about or not doing homework as they hear you being told it so there is nowhere to hide.

Nativity3 · 09/12/2014 20:47

To be honest in most secondary schools it's so they can make sure they are talking to the right parent!!! You could turn up and say you are X's mum when actually you're Y's mum!

1805 · 09/12/2014 21:01

ewww. never heard of this! I would never take my child with me to parents eve!!!! At dd's school, we wear name stickers with child's name on it for quick identification.

Also, we have appointment times so the teachers know who to expect next anyway. No children allowed.

Iwantacampervan · 09/12/2014 21:19

Neither of my daughters' secondary schools insist on children being there - I have taken them both in order that I don't have to introduce myself and also so they can identify their teachers (in a large sports' hall it's hard to read the names on desks). We do have appointment times but it often turns into a free for all!

ThePointyAndTheIvy · 09/12/2014 22:19

At our school it's optional - I do take my DDs, because the teachers at this stage want to talk about her plans for the future and how her current GCSE topics fit into that. Parents evening was today and it was great - because DD was there, I could see the relationship she has with her teachers and I could see the way they really know her. Done right, having the children there can be very valuable.

fuctifino · 09/12/2014 22:22

Ours insist on the children not being there.

Suits me for the same reason you don't want yours there.

DixieNormas · 09/12/2014 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skylark2 · 09/12/2014 22:33

We wear name stickers, and the children are explicitly not invited (up to sixth form at least. DD was expected to come to sixth form parents meetings. Not sure if DS will be, but he's certainly not invited in year 11).

My father was a teacher and used to tell the kids to go away if they showed up.

Tron123 · 09/12/2014 22:42

Surely a parents evening is for parents

WiseKneeHair · 09/12/2014 22:49

Primary school ones are child free here, secondary school the child is encouraged to attend.
It worked gor us at DS1s recent parents evening as every teacher said "he's bright, but could so much better if he tried". This is exactly the same thing we have been telling him for the last year, so it was good for him, and us, to hear the same thing from his teachers as well. Don't know if it's made any difference or not though.

noblegiraffe · 09/12/2014 23:08

What's the point in talking about the kid behind their back, then the parent going home and reporting what they can remember? If I'm going to say the kid is fab, I'd like to have them there to enjoy it. If I'm going to say they're a lazy arse and need to pull their finger out, I want the parent to turn to them and say 'well why do you piss about? And why do you never have a pen when I bought you a pencil case full? Please let me know if he doesn't buck up and I'll confiscate his x box" Then the kid knows that you and the parent are on the same team.

If you wanted to talk in confidence, you could have sent your kid away!

Tron123 · 09/12/2014 23:12

The parents evening is an opportunity for the parents to find outhit their child is coping/succeeding/struggling language used by adults including the nuisances is difficult to convey in 10 mins to a child, how can they understand this. Surely if children attend it ceases to be a parents evening, the teachers have all day to talk to the child

MillyMollyMama · 10/12/2014 00:01

Only happened in the 6th form at my DDs' schools. I preferred that. You can have a more nuanced conversation if the child is not there. There is no hiding place anyway.

chilephilly · 10/12/2014 06:51

Why not discuss it with the school?
Having said that I seem to have spent the last 3 months dealing with complaints about parent consultation, and the only conclusion I can draw is you can't please all of the people all of the time!

Groovee · 10/12/2014 06:55

It's part of CfE in Scotland that children be involved.

I find the high school teachers ask the pupils if they feel there are any issues and gain feedback.

I'd contact the school in between if I had concerns or queries.

Mehitabel6 · 10/12/2014 06:59

I took them once they were GCSE level, it was their future and it seemed pretty silly to hear it and then go home and tell them- best to get it direct.
I didn't want to do it before that level. As a primary school teacher I wouldn't want them there- it inhibits what you can say.

WittyUsername102 · 10/12/2014 06:59

At DC's old secondary, children had to be there but parents did not. The teachers don't really speak to the parents, more to the children.

OddBoots · 10/12/2014 07:02

At ours it is left to parents to decide if it is right to bring the child, sometimes I have and sometimes I haven't, as the have got older then they've come along more often. I think it is right to give the choice to parents as insisting either way could cause problems for some families.

bigbluestars · 10/12/2014 07:04

groovee- I have never heard that. Our primary and secondary schools have always welcomed children along with their parents. while the majority of children do attend, many don't. My DD usually comes but is sometimes busy. My DS hasn't wanted to some since he was around 8 years old.

I think there are benefits to both scenarios.

Rivercam · 10/12/2014 07:12

I never went to parents evening as a child, so was surprised when we took children in secondary school. Having done it a few years now, I think it's a good idea. You then have a three-way discussion with pupil, parent and teacher, about how the pupil is doing, and how you can all work together. it seems to work well.

gamerchick · 10/12/2014 07:15

It's not parents evening here, it's target setting day and it's every 6 month.

The kids get the day off school for it aside from taking them in in full school uniform and take them away again.

I don't see the point of them me.. just a way of having a bitch at your kid with you being there to watch.

chilephilly · 10/12/2014 08:26

Good to see you supporting the school and your child's education, gamer.

Groovee · 10/12/2014 08:43

Our primary school never had children there until about 2010 when CfE was rolled out and we got a letter explaining that children were welcome and it was expected they would come. If the teacher or parent had a concern the child was asked to return to the waiting area. Worked well with both my kids but took a lot of getting used to.

Always taken them in high school as I don't have a clue who many of the teachers are. Dd will be choosing her nationals soon so it's important for her to be there.

Blu · 10/12/2014 08:51

We have found it works very well, a frank, constructively critical conversation etc. there are ways of addressing difficulty without undermining a teacher or child, surely?
At secondary they need to have ownership over their learning and behaviour. If it needs saying, they should be there.

If there is something sensitive that you really don't want to discuss at parents evening (with other parents in the queue nearby, child present etc) then book a meeting with the Head of Year or teacher concerned: schools offer that all year. I wouldn't wait for parents eve for anything that needed that level of sensitivity or importance.

Doing parents evening would be like an Apppraisal at work between manager and HR without the employee present!