Why do schools insist on pupils attending parents evening

[18yearstooold]

Parents evening tonight, all very nice 'are you enjoying the subject?' -addressed to the child, 'well they are doing really well' -gives a couple of examples, 'do you have any questions?'

Well actually yes I do but I don't want to raise them in front of my 13 year old as they might make her feel awkward or you may feel like i'm undermining you in front of your student!

Is this a thing with all schools now?

I remember (at the age of about 12/13) going to parents eve with my separated parents. All was fine until it came to the German teacher. A useless teacher who had no hold over the class at all nd who instructed me to stay outside. My mum insisted I be included as I slowly turned beet red she then spent the entire meeting contradicting him, disagreeing with him and telling him in no uncertain terms what everyone else wanted to say what his shortcomings were! My poor dad (always more balanced) spent the entire meeting trying to get a word in edgeways and I just sat there wishing the ground would swallow me up!

Recently had Dd1s first secondary parents eve and the letter stated students were strongly encouraged to attend. I think it's good personally. She was able to hear what her teachers thought, able to explain her points of view and encouraged to take responsibility for her own learning. If I had a concern I didn't want to discuss in front of her I would contact the school seperately.

It's important. Praise or a bollocking suggestions to improve to the child directly. It's their education. They need to take control between 11-16 and be ready to be 100% in charge by 6 th form age. They won't be babied at college.

If you really have questions to raise that you don't want the child to hear ( no idea what ) then send them out to wait in the next queue .

Mostly parents evenings for mine gave been glowing. On the one occasion in a couple of subjects dS didn't appreciate the " gear change" needed between levels he was suitably embarrassed and hit the targets from then on.

Actually much as we joke the kids need to hear the glowing reports too. Thry really don't have the confidence they should have in their own ability.

Actively encouraged at our primary school. I find it really annoying as the teacher always addresses the child first with a How do you think things are going? type question and my DCs are such chatterboxes that I then hardly get a word in for the allotted 15 minutes.
DS secondary school do not allow the children to attend until Y4 I think. Had his Y2 one last night, and think it very beneficial that he wasn't there. We were able to be told that he is doing extremely well, and given pointers as to where we could help him further. If DS had been there, and the teachers had been so complimentary, we would find it impossible to actually get him to try at all this year. If he had been there and the teachers had altered their input accordingly, we might have got a very different picture of how DS was performing.
He gets regular and helpful feedback from his teachers, and overall reviews with his form tutor. I don't think he needs to attend parents evening as well.

I don't feel my DC need to hear what teachers tell me, nor what my response to the teacher is. They get feedback at school and via their report. And I find it easier to speak honestly about any problems if the DC are not there.

Not everyone has academically talented children who get glowing reports. One teacher who really got it this year said she knew she had to proceed carefully so as not to damage the confidence of DC. Also an exam accommodation which may be asked for has not been mentioned to my DC as she wants DC to work further to see if it is really necessary.

That has probably come across as gobbledygook! But I'm pleased I could have a confidential conversation that was reassuring.

If you've turned up WITH your child, I don't understand why you're cross that you can't ask the questions you want to ask? No one can compel you to bring them along- they can only request it. I think it's helpful as it eliminates he said/she said situations, and if you have big problems, they should be covered before PE.

I never deal with tricky situations at PE, always make sure it's sorted out way in advance.

At Dcs secondary school it's optional but they prefer children to attend. It's also easier cos the children know their way about and who their teachers are so we can get parents night over and done with quicker. If you want to discuss anything that isn't just about their general progress in subjects then they recommend you make an appointment to see them at a different time.

At their primary the children don't come in with you.

How do you always know there is a tricky situation? I find out a fair bit on parents' evening itself.

It works really well for us. DD responds to positive words directly from the teachers much better than she would second hand. It's lovely actually. Similarly if anything isn't going well, it gives her the opportunity to take some responsibility for what she needs to do.

Like others, I'm glad my child comes so she can steer me between rooms or desks to approximately the right teacher. Plus, it's interesting watching the same child go from delightedly chatty with one teacher to morosely teenage with the next.

Conversation with English/Drama teacher last parents' eve:
EDT: Now, BirdJunior, what would you be hoping I'd say to your mum about you?
DD: That I'm fabulous, darling!
EDT: Righto then. Mrs Bird , she's pretty fabulous, very confident and definitely dramatic!

Conversation with science teacher:
ST: Well, BirdJunior, how do you think it's going?
DD: Mumble, errm, need to remembermystuffandgetmycourseworkdoneandthings, mumble
ST: Yes, well, there are a few organisational problems to iron out, aren't there, and really, MrsBird, she needs a bit more confidence to speak out in class...

I dont takemy children to regular parents evenings
I always have a pen and paper so I can write down what has been said.
The only time I have taken DS to a parents evening was when he was picking his options. DS asked some really good questions and got honest forthright opinions on his strong points and his areas of weakness. It was very helpful.

Love birdinthewings observations that's exactly it!

And for those who fear that it'll bad for a child who " isn't very academic" I'm not sue why they feel that. Any teacher worth their salt can give appropriate feedback to a child working at any level surely?

It isn't about being " top" but " the best you can be" and if that means finally having cracked number bonds to 20 at age 12 having struggled with them through primary then it'll be celebrated and " we are now moving on to looking at multiplication with good understanding, though her rote learning is quite strong already" . It wont be " but the others are already doing differential calculus why aren't you" ..... BUT if it's "theas18 DS you are being very careless and rushing, with evidence that you haven't even listened to the task" (LOL) or " you are always poking people and drawing on your book rather than working" they need to hear that too.

We have had to since 6th form - indeed, I think they said you either come with your parents or just you come, but you have to come!

I wouldn't choose this any younger, though think it's good at sixth form because many children and parents don't seem to realise that once they're at university their parents have nothing to do with anything any more! I would prefer, for my 13 year old, that it was just the teacher and me, I think.

Thea I wish that had been my experience of all teachers. Some are empathetic but others seem to have no clue and believe young kids willfully fail. (I was able at academics and only experienced this blinkered belief in the PE teachers!)

You have already noted that most of your p. evenings have been glowing! My experiences are far different and yet my children's behaviour is always good, they are very far from troublemakers in case you are wondering!

At our Primary school children aren't allowed to come to parents' evenings (although they can stay in the waiting area). At Secondary children can come, but don't have to. My main gripe about parents'evening, though, is the lack of confidentiality at my ds's Secondary school.

Not too bad if the teacher is one of many in the hall, as there is a general hubub, so you can't hear individuals talking. If, however, they're in one of the subject classrooms, it can be excruciating! A dozen or so parents/pupils waiting for their (usually delayed) appointment time, quite often in absolute silence, such that everyone can hear what is being said about the dc! Fine and dandy if they are heading for an A*. Not so good if they are borderline pass/fail!

Love the complete privacy at the Primary where one classroom is used for waiting, before you're led to an empty classroom at the other end of the school!

I think it's OK if the teacher does the talking. I think it's not good if the teacher opens with the 'how do YOU think you are doing' gambit which is a waste of my time and my DC's time. Might not be a waste of the teacher's time, but since I'm the one who has taken time off work to be there, I'd rather the teacher found out what my DCs think at some other time. I know how they think they are doing, I don't need to see them squirming and hear them say 'alright I suppose' in my 5 minute slot. I'm there to hear what the teacher thinks - god knows we get little enough feedback. I agree it's important for teachers to talk to kids to see how they feel about stuff, and I agree that if there are issues then a proper meeting with the parents should be scheduled but a 5 minute slot on a production line at parents' evening isn't an appropriate moment for that. At our recent parents' evening the teacher of DD1's main subject spent most of the 5 minutes asking her what her plans are. He is not only the teacher of her main subject, he's her form tutor too. He could have asked her that at any time. I didn't need to take time off work and drive for an hour there and an hour back to hear something I already know (her plans).

Sensible use of rationed time is another consideration for us too Rabbit.

My child's school insists on children NOT being at parents evening. The children are asked to wait in the school library whilst the parents have their appointment. I prefer this as the previous school had children attending and you can't really discuss anything properly with the child present.

If the child is attending what is the point of having the evening conversation can be inhibited, I think if you a parent you go to the evening if you are a child you go to school

"I think it's OK if the teacher does the talking."

Depends on the teacher. Given that it was entirely about helping them tick some delusional data boxes and almost nothing about the child in front of them I'm contemplating sending the HT an invoice for delivering 15 minutes consultancy to the form-tutor.

ime both sides are always more candid without the child being present and consequently I have rarely taken dc to any parents evening

There are three main elements to a child's education: the child, the teacher and the home environment. It's very seldom that you get all three elements in the room at the same time (especially at Secondary) and I think that it is to be encouraged.
If anything tricky needs sorting then Parents Evening is not really the place for it.

senua I asked to meet with ateacher due to issues and was told to wait till Parents' evening. The school discourages meetings outwith PE.

Our school does not even insist that parents turn up - we can have virtual PE where an evening is set aside for email conversations. You can book to see the teacher if you want to - or if they want to, but generally we get updated once a month by email anyhow from each teacher, so there is not a lot to be gained from holding an actual PE.

The only one we all need to attend is the options evening in Y9.

Virtual parent evening. Sounds like heaven! Mind you some parents would try to monopolise that I guess.

DH teaches and always has some who " can't come" on the evening - mainly because if he come at 6pm another night not only is he forced to stay even later than usual but they feel entitled to a good 30mins rather than the usual 10 they should have!

OK have you heard of Ofsted's Parentview which "gives you the chance to tell us what you think about your child’s school." It asks you to rate statements like "I can easily contact the staff" or "the school responds well to any concerns I raise".
If a school gets enough negative feedback on Parentview then it can trigger an inspection. Might be an idea to share this info with fellow parents / the teachers!