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Original poster

Should DD send card thanking school for offering her a scholarship?

37 replies

Daltec · 01/12/2014 10:05

Dd has just been offered a scholarship at an independent school for sixth form. We are absolutely over the moon as it is generous enough to allow us to send her there. As well as a formal letter of acceptance from me, should I get Dd to send a handwritten note or thank you card? We felt that all of the staff there were absolutely fantastic and did their best to put her at ease. But I don't want to go 'over the top' either. We have never had any experience of private schools, so don't know the etiquette!
Thanks in advance for your help.

OP posts:

titchy · 01/12/2014 10:16

Errr - no!

SunnyBaudelaire · 01/12/2014 10:20

no that would be weird

5ChildrenAndIt · 01/12/2014 10:24

I think it's a nice idea! Nothing awkward - and not even essential to mention money - just a 'thank you for making me so welcome - I'm really looking forward to coming to the school'. We're talking about 15 year olds (no five year olds) - so quite reasonable that they would be thankful for opportunities.

MehsMum · 01/12/2014 10:33

Probably not. If she really wants to, 5Children above has it about right.

FeelingOutnumbered · 01/12/2014 10:38

What about writing to her current school to thank them for preparing her well enough to get the scholarship? (Or not if you don't think they have done a good job!)

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 10:48

A thank you card does rather suggest that they have offered you a gift / done you a favour. Whereas the relationship of scholarship awarder and recipient is slightly different. They have made the award because your daughter's presence will benefit the school (as well as being of benefit to her.) What you suggest certainly wouldn't be wrong - but might be considered a little gauche. (Assuming they treat her well and don't "take advantage" of her schol status she can write and thank them herself when she leaves...)

For now a low key Christmas card from parent and child - briefly saying how much you're looking forward to her joining the school - would be fine.

Congratulations!

(I feel idiotic writing this down. I promise you I wouldn't be passing judgement if you hadn't asked. )

IndridCold · 01/12/2014 11:49

No, I don't think so either. The best thanks your DD can give her teachers will be to work hard, play hard and make full use of the great opportunity she has earned.

TheReluctantCountess · 01/12/2014 11:56

No. It's not necessary. She can show her thanks b y working bloody hard when she gets there.

senua · 01/12/2014 12:20

I agree that it's not necessary. No-one did her any favours re the scholarship, she earned it herself.
You could add a line to your formal acceptance letter though, reporting that she's looking forward to it.

peteneras · 01/12/2014 16:35

Really I don't understand why you asked the question at all, OP.

You (and your DD) wanted something - a scholarship/financial help - right? You applied for it and not without careful consideration by the school and fierce competition from other hopefuls, your application was granted. Is it not basic common courtesy to say, 'Thank you!'?

I was on a bus to work this morning (due to fog) and every stop that the driver makes to let passengers off, there was a 'Thank you' or 'Thank you, driver' coming from the disembarking passengers. And these are people paying heavily for their very expensive bus journeys too. . .

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 16:45

peteneras Your fellow passengers were thanking the bus driver for carrying out his rôle with at least a minimum degree of efficiency. You were not thanking him for allowing you to ride on the bus.

peteneras · 01/12/2014 16:56

A 'thank you' is an expression of gratitude and a show of appreciation, however it is/was earned.

Bunbaker · 01/12/2014 16:57

Is this dependent on her GCSE results? If so, isn't it jumping the gun a little?

summerends · 01/12/2014 17:03

In your formal letter of acceptance you could add a brief note thanking the teachers for helping your DD feel at ease and that she is looking forward to joining. I don't think that is OTT but a separate thankyou or Christmas card might be.
Huge congratulations to your DD .

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 17:13

The people the OP's DD should thank are, as a pp has stated above, her parent(s), her teachers and anyone else who supported her through the application and exam process.

The OP and her DD may well feel gratitude towards the new school - what needs to be expressed is the determination to make the most of the opportunity. The scholarship is in the gift of the school but it is not a gift. It is the beginning of a two way relationship. The school needs clever, talented pupils who will enhance its status through their success just as much as the OP's DD needed the schol to help her fulfill her potential.

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 17:18

(That was a reply to peteneras btw.)

peteneras · 01/12/2014 17:34

Rather like Transport for London (TfL) who needs paying passengers to survive and paying passengers needing TfL to move about in order to carry out their businesses/professions or simply their daily lives. It's also a 2-way relationship benefitting both sides. It doesn't stop Londoners from thanking the bus driver(s) - who incidentally also depend on passengers to keep their jobs - when they disembark.

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 17:40

Hmm. I'm considering your heartless rejection of my Christmas card summer. I'm prepared to modify my advice to this extent

If it's a huge school offering more than erm ... 13(?) schols per year - don't bother with Christmas until she joins.

If it's a smallish school offering fewer than ... five (?) scols per year - rude not to (because it's Christmas. )

Anything in between. Depends.

Have to say I'd be amazed if even the grandest HM viewed an innocent Christmas card as a faux pas in these circumstances. But I wouldn't say thank you.

summerends · 01/12/2014 17:43

Peteneras a verbal thankyou after a bus or a taxi drive or to a waiter bringing a meal is very little effort, shows civility and acknowledgement of the person. You could choose not to say thank you if the service was poor.
That is different to Daltec's query as Zero has summarised.

summerends · 01/12/2014 17:47

Zero cross posted! As you might surmise 'heartless' is my middle name! Plus Daltec might then have the dilemma of what type of Christmas card .

peteneras · 01/12/2014 17:55

summerends, for the life of me I cannot see the difference when or where a 'thank you' should or should not be expressed either verbally or in a written form. Therefore, Daltec's query does not make any difference to me as I stated in my opening post.

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 18:00

I did say "low key" just in case, in her justifiable excitement, the OP's eye should wander to the 3 foot x 4 foot dancing /singing Santa in the card shop window...

summerends · 01/12/2014 18:05

Zero I'm still waiting in forlorn anticipation for somebody to send me one of those.

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 01/12/2014 18:34

I'm still waiting for the restrained and tasteful family I feel I deserve.

Toomanyhouseguests · 01/12/2014 18:51

Just really enjoying this thread. Lovely to think Daltec has such a delightful quandary, and fun to read all the deft responses.

Wish you could stop in at my DDs' school and do a little workshop on manners! Alas, my children just don't listen to me. Then again, I don't think my advice is quite as good!

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