Should DD send card thanking school for offering her a scholarship?

[Daltec]

Dd has just been offered a scholarship at an independent school for sixth form. We are absolutely over the moon as it is generous enough to allow us to send her there. As well as a formal letter of acceptance from me, should I get Dd to send a handwritten note or thank you card? We felt that all of the staff there were absolutely fantastic and did their best to put her at ease. But I don't want to go 'over the top' either. We have never had any experience of private schools, so don't know the etiquette!
Thanks in advance for your help.

Thanks to all of you for your responses. I'm really glad that I didn't get her to send a card now! I was so delighted when she got the scholarship, it seemed natural to thank the school and get DD to do the same. But I'm pleased I asked you all first as I probably would have made myself look like a bit of an idiot!

Never OP. You're obviously a credit to your clever DD.

Of course, although we've been debating this for fun, the school in question could be the very one where a different course of action might be wholly appropriate. (And it's not going to make one jot of difference either way.)

TBH Daltec if I were the head or teachers of your DD's new school I would rather have your initial response than the oppposite. However if you do pass
Zero's "3 foot x 4 foot dancing /singing Santa" card in the shop don't waste it on the new school, there would be some posters on this thread who would love it instead .

If you feel you or your DD feel like thanking them for offering your DD a scholarship and financial reward then send a card/thank you note it's hardly going to offend is it? I have been regularly criticised by friends for being too polite to waiters, shop staff etc, and my DS's nearly died of embarrassment when I thanked a man in Burger King for making such nice chips. I couldn't see what the problem was, I rarely eat in there and the chips were surprisingly good.
I can't abide bad manners it's really very unpleasant, the motto of New College Oxford and a school that shall remain nameless is "manners maketh man" something that many from all walks of life need to take on board.

But HG being overly polite can rather suggest someone sprinkling glitter on the little people / not being quite at ease in their company. Or, conversely, it could be seen as excessive subservience.

It absolutely doesn't matter either way but - once having considered the matter - it does no harm for the OP's DD to recognise that the school will be pleased to have her. The OP says her family have no experience of private school - it would be a shame if they fell into a habit of abject gratitude. It's a rather different situation where there's no danger of that.

Anyway - I should imagine the school may be rather more puzzled by the handful of parents who proffer crates of wine or an entire orchestra of instruments long before their child has gained a place.

I'm not sure what "overly polite" means? Are you talking about fawning all over people? I certainly don't do that but I do believe it is that it's the right thing to do to thank those who serve as in restaurants etc. When someone does something decent for you you should acknowledge it. I've been a waitress in my time and I was stunned by rude people were, if someone takes your plate or brings you a drink to acknowledge what they've done with thank you and a smile are IMO just good manners.
As I said above a genuine "thank you" whether written or said can never offend.

It's not necessary to send a thank you card but it might be rather nice - wouldn't hurt?

I thanked the primary school dd went to as they are the ones who got her to a standard she was able to get a scholarship

It is not weird at all! It's nice. And I have to say that convention does not need to be stuck to always.

When I auditioned for RADA and the other London drama schools years ago I used to walk in and shake hands with the entire audition panel!

It was only when I was actually in drama school the next year and ushering that years auditionees that I relaised this wasn't the norm!

Not one of them approached the panel to shake their hands!

I must have stuck out but not in a bad way as I got offered 3 places.

Sincere thanks are always welcome, I think. However, you need to think about what you are really thanking someone for. Thanking someone for something they've already decided you've earned could be seen as a little bit obsequious, perhaps, but thanking them for the particular way they behaved towards you is worth doing, as it reflects well on them rather than demeaning you in any way. What stuck out for you was the kind way in which your dd was treated on the day. You probably wouldn't be inclined to write a personal thank you to a school which offered a scholarship but where your dd had felt humiliated in applying for it!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/education/2257646-What-can-a-bursary-family-do-not-do?msgid=51273823 This thread is exactly the mindset I would want the OP and her DD to avoid falling in to.